To refuse to cancel going out for Xmas dinner in these circumstances?

[NothingDefinite]

My family (mum and her partner, my sister and half sister and their families) are due to visit and stay with us for a few days over Xmas. We live about 150 miles from them so we alternate spending Christmas in the two places, although we always go out for Christmas dinner. My half sister doesn’t always join us but does sometimes and is this year.

We all agreed on the restaurant for Christmas Day a few months ago and I booked it. My half sister is now saying she can’t afford it and wants us to host Xmas dinner at home. We really don’t want to do that as we look forward to going out for it, not cooking and just relaxing.

I’ve suggested that she comes before or after Xmas for a day or two instead but she thinks that’s unfair and doesn’t see why we can’t just cook dinner at home. My mum is siding with her and it’s causing friction. Are we being unreasonable to not want to change our plans and not want to have to cook dinner ourselves when we were looking forward to going out?

Your mum can host your half sister at her house for a home cooked dinner, and your sister comes to yours for dinner out.

cheeky sods

Tell her hosting Christmas dinner at yours won't be cheaper for you. No can do. Stick to your plans. She's being a cheeky cow.

I'm sure you'll agree that's an issue with the sister and not OP's problem. If she wants to participate in what is the family tradition and can't afford it, she should be grateful that people are solving the issue for her in this way. OP's mother can stump up or jog on.

It isn’t just Dsis’ meal - it’s her whole family.

But then everyone's deposit money is wasted as that would have been deducted from the bill

So the whole plan changes, that the sister originally agreed to, the family don't get the treat meal in the restaurant they all wanted and they loose the money already paid?

Nah... sister can't change the whole plan for everyone.

My own view on this is that they knew the cost when they paid the deposit. OK sadly their finances have changed and they can no longer afford it ( 2 adults, 3 kids will be a big bill). They forego their deposit, you cancel their seats at the restaurant ( you might get their deposit back?), but no way should they or anyone else be expecting you to pay for them.

Sounds like a plan!

This...and to ask anything else is entitled

Fine if the rest of the family suggest and agree to changing the plan for sister, but for her to ask or mum to expect you to pay for her is just ridiculous

I don't think you're being unreasonable. The plans were agreed months ago, and one person's change in circumstances doesn't automatically mean everyone else has to change theirs.

She’s got a cheek hasn’t she and your mum’s no better. You can’t just expect someone to host you over the Christmas period and then cook Christmas dinner too when it had been agreed you’d go out and deposits have been paid. Absolutely no way would I pay for her, it being ‘your turn’ does not mean you pay the restaurant bill for others. How ridiculous of your mum to suggest this. Either mum pays or just go with your sister.

@NothingDefinite I'm guessing the total bill will come to £1,000 + drinks, so maybe £1,500?

Could you hire a chef to cook at your home? I doubt your average chef is getting a fair share of the Christmas Day profits, so you might be able to get one at a not too crazy price.

Maybe approach the chef at the restaurant and offer them £500 to pull a sicky. 😂

Everyone who paid a deposit is expecting to eat out on Christmas Day as per tradition. No you shouldn’t offer to cancel the restaurant and cook at yours instead just because one family have decided against it at this late stage.

If your mum and partner want her to be there then they can pay for her.

Hospitality is struggling and the business will have planned for the booking too.

Eating out on Christmas Day is very expensive, if her attending was the plan, was she asked if she could afford it? I would never exclude anyone by choosing an activity so expensive. If there’s multiple meals, why not eat out for a different meal that will be cheaper, Christmas dinner is one of the easiest things to cook

The whole thing is ridiculous

If they can’t afford it then actually the decent thing to do would have been for them to say that and just asked if anything else can be done, that shouldn’t mean that you have to organise and host. Sorry if you covered it, but why can’t they do it?

Then everybody could’ve had a rational conversation

But it sounds like nobody is on their own so… what about doing their own thing?

So in essence the half sister wants a free Christmas meal - for 2 adults and 3 children… whether it is at a restaurant or at your house which you cook.

absolutely not… if what you love about Christmas is to go out to eat the do it. Maybe her family need to make other arrangements with your mum?

Your Mum can pay if she feels that strongly about it. You definitely shouldn't pay for them at all. That's completely taking advantage of you. You are not being unreasonable.

You say you alternate Christmas - who is the other host? I'm guessing it's your mum or non-cheeky sister? If cheeky sister is so keen on home cooked christmas, perhaps suggest she hosts. Willing to bet she declines!

Given she was originally OK with the price I would check to see if something has happened (eg redundancy) that she's keeping quiet but otherwise I'd stick to the restaurant plan and leave her to it!

Why can't mum pay for them since it is her suggestion? Why half sister and partner and their children feel that they are entitled to tell you to host the xmas dinner at home?

I would be pointing out to my mom that when it is “their turn”, you pay for your own accommodation and presumably all the other costs that that entails?

Sounds as though it is your tradition and preference to go out which is completely your prerogative and it was all
planned months ago - so you are definitely not being unreasonable. Your half sister and Mum are being incredibly unreasonable however . You have not even hinted an offer to cook so it is not something others can demand. The time to express concern at the cost was when it was being booked - so too late now. Not your responsibility to cover their costs at all.

OP, I think your suggestion is the best solution. Your family and your sister’s family all stay at yours’ for Christmas and go out to the restaurant. Your mum and partner and half sister and family can all eat at your mum’s home for Christmas and come to you for Boxing Day and a couple of days after. That way you all enjoy your Christmas dinner the way you want to celebrate, you won’t have 15 people to host Christmas Day and you can all enjoy family time Boxing Day. If you cancelled the whole booking now you would all love loads of money. Enjoy your Christmas !

The Op doesn’t want to cook & host Christmas dinner which is fair enough.
The sister and mother can cook their own dinner and join on a different day.

she can just stay home and cook herself then, problem solved

When you travel to them and stay in a hotel does someone host or do you go out to eat then too?

I'd tell the half sister and Mum to Stay at their homes then and no longer invited to yours!
Just have your nice sister.

Absolute piss-take by the pair of them !!