Am I miserable for not wanting to do secret santa at work?

[Nattyandcatty]

This will be my third year Christmas at this company and for the past two years, I have done secret Santa. I don’t want to do it this year, I find it pointless. It’s only £10 but it’s just the same crap every year. I don’t need another fluffy pair of socks or body wash gift set. I don’t know these people well enough to know what they’d really like, so all the gifts end up being generic or tat and I just can’t be bothered. We do have this online website where you can write a list of the things you like and create a wish list, but no one uses it. I just told my colleague that I don’t want to participate this year and she looked at me like I’d grown a second head and doesn’t understand why. She said she loves secret Santa but I’d just rather but presents for people that I choose. AIBU? Am I a Scrooge?

I opt out every year, a couple of colleagues do the same. I'd rather spend the money on family or friends

It’s £10…for the camaraderie. If you can easily spare it then why not, just donate your gift afterwards if you don’t want it.

I don't join in the Secret Santa at work. Im usually the only one who sits it out but I don't care. I'm not a Christmas fan, and I don't need a load of tat. I bring in some chocs to share at the December team meeting and usually go to the Christmas night out. Honestly though, none of it is mandatory, and I think people should do what they want

I think it’s a nice thing to do because some colleagues may not have any family or friends they swop gifts with so it may be more important to some people than others.

Difficult one. My team at work always liked to do this until recently. Some have a good idea of each others' interests, but there were a lot of generic tins of biscuits. I admit I got irritated by it because at a time of year when there's lots to do one had to spend time thinking (again) about work. All year we spend more time with collegaues than friends and family, and this was on top of all that.

I just used to tell myself that maybe some people in the team had no real family and appreciated it, but not sure that has been true. Half the team was often absent with family on the day we gave the secrets gifts out.

One year, someone got given a key ring. The colleague who gifted it had just got back from a holiday in Egypt so she got her a key ring from a gift shop. I could tell by the look on her face that she really didn’t want it and was a bit confused. I just find it pointless. On my very first year, I had only been there about 6 weeks and I got the name of someone on a different team (I work in recruitment but we work closely with HR and this other woman was on the HR team). I didn’t know anything about her so I asked around and spent a little over the money on a couple of nice bits. Turns out she was allergic to everything and dairy free so she couldn’t use anything or eat anything that I got her and I just thought why did no one tell me?!

What do you get someone for £10 that isn’t a bit shit?

I always opt out. Luckily my work does a charity thing instead now.

It's ok to just say 'please can I be excluded from the Secret Santa this year' - no drama. If they ask why, say you're keeping Christmas low key.

We used to do a fantastic one £5 limit and it had to be shit from a charity shop
it was hilarious
as others said no one need more chocolate or fluffy socks
Charities got a bit of cash and we had a good laugh

The only time i got a decent present from this was when i waa talking to my collegue about it and ww found out we had each other
So we told each other what we wanted😂

We do SS at my work and not everyone takes part. It's accepted (and of course acceptable) that some people won't want to.

You have every right to opt out, @Nattyandcatty as you say, it just results in someone receiving something they don't want, won't use, and would never buy for themselves. It will either be binned, given to a charity shop, or re-gifted.

I can't stand Secret Santa personally, and haven't participated for about 7 years. There was/is always SOMEone who gets forgotten/doesn't get a gift because someone 'forgets' and it can be hurtful for the. person left out.

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Loads of people hate secret santa. Just more expense and landfill. If your colleagues insist, then you insist that each person should be allowed name 3 things they actually want. Eg, fine tip marker pen, M&S plain truffles, or a particular paperback.or a donation to a particular charity.

I'd opt in, just for sake of appearance.

Where ever I've worked in the past, it was noted if you opted out of the organised 'fun'.

So I picked and chose the lesser of the evils, and Secret Santa was an easy one. £10 on something banal, and I would get something banal back that I would either use/eat or regift.

Then magically I would be otherwise engaged for every Christmas Party, so sad but I couldn't possibly attend, hoped everyone had loads of fun - as I curled up on my sofa with a glass of nice red.

This is a great idea! I always found it really hard to think of something the person would like, but on two occasions, heard the recipient complaining about what I’d bought. A waste of time.

just in case you capitulate @Nattyandcatty 🤭

This may help

If it’s a small team with folk who know each other well it might be ok. But I’ve seen people left with no present, or offended because they got something rubbish or perceived it to be rubbish and been rude about it when the giver had clearly put thought into it. So it’s a no from me generally.

One of my colleagues burst into tears one year because all her family are abroad and she doesn't get Christmas presents.

I hate it. Ours is the stupid steal type where anything reasonable gets stolen by the last pickers. It's themed, too. You can opt out but it's awkward & remembered so you just laugh & pretend you enjoy it.

It's done at the work Christmas party, which is out of hours, and spouses/DC invited so it's four gifts for us. We can't go this year so will get out of it, thankfully.

The only one we did which was fun was a £5 limit and only stuff we could buy on the street outside...middle of Moss Side and about 5 shops. I got frozen cod

The thing is, my team is only small and one of my colleagues always gets our manager a gift from the team and asks the rest of us if we want to contribute and the others always do. So I don’t feel like I can say no to that one. Even though I don’t agree with employees buying their managers Christmas presents, I feel like being the only one in the team to not put money in might be a bad look. So I’d rather just do that and skip the secret Santa

Nope. It’s one of the many things i don’t miss about going to work.

UABU Mrs Grinch

No, not unreasonable. In my experience at least one of the following always happens:

1. You spend ages choosing what you think is a thoughtful gift for someone, even going a bit over budget, and then witness their obvious disappointment when they open it.
2. You spend ages choosing a thoughtful gift and receive something yourself into which no thought at all has been put - like a bottle of wine when you don't drink.
3. Someone doesn't get a gift at all.
4. Someone gets a supposedly funny but totally inappropriate gift that offends them - like sexy underwear.
5. You get a gift that is obviously a re-gift and it's useless, like a box of chocolates best before November 2023
6. You get a gift that is nowhere near budget, like two items from Poundland when the budget is supposed to be a tenner.

There are probably exceptions to this, like in a close-knit team who are all genuinely friends and have worked together for years - but in the average team it's a waste of time and money at best.

UABU Mrs Grinch

YANBU. Work secret santas are notoriously shit