Am I miserable for not wanting to do secret santa at work?

[Nattyandcatty]

This will be my third year Christmas at this company and for the past two years, I have done secret Santa. I don’t want to do it this year, I find it pointless. It’s only £10 but it’s just the same crap every year. I don’t need another fluffy pair of socks or body wash gift set. I don’t know these people well enough to know what they’d really like, so all the gifts end up being generic or tat and I just can’t be bothered. We do have this online website where you can write a list of the things you like and create a wish list, but no one uses it. I just told my colleague that I don’t want to participate this year and she looked at me like I’d grown a second head and doesn’t understand why. She said she loves secret Santa but I’d just rather but presents for people that I choose. AIBU? Am I a Scrooge?

I’m glad that being retired means I’ll never have to worry about Secret Santa again. Nearly every year I got complete crap. YANBU.

You dont know if it will get used though if you dont know what the person likes and dislikes. I wouldnt drink the alcohol, and a few of my colleagues don’t eat chocolate as they dont eat dairy. If youre doing secret Santa with people you know well enough, fair enough. But this is three teams all doing it together so if I pull out someone on a different team who I’ve barely said two words to, how am I supposed to know what to get them? I just dont find that fun or necessary

I never did it. As a single parent with two kids I said I had enough to buy. Used to be funny watching people pretend they loved their piece of tat!

I always do Secret Santa because I like to choose a gift and I like to join in. I never really want my gift though but I try to not let on. I'm hard to buy for though.

I've found my people here, I can't stand SS. I see it as the annual "swap a candle / box of chocs / mug / wine / fluffy socks / cheap pair of earrings" rigmarole, where everyone would be better off keeping their money and just buying themselves a little something they like as a treat.

What's fun about me who hates wine being given a bottle of it that just goes into a raffle or bottle stall.

Or a woman who's very reserved and private being given a box of chocolate willies that she had to open in front of everyone.

Not fun and a complete waste of money. Just make a donation to something instead.

It was so out of touch, I can't tell you. She thought it was acceptable for one of the part-time assistants to pay for her to have an expensive gift so she could post about how beloved she was on social media.

Yep. Miserable.

I’ve been coerced into this annual ‘shit show’ of an event too often in the past to partake again, my experience has generally been wasting time plodding round the shops trying to find something suitable for someone I hardly know and getting ‘tat’ in return. This year…no thanks.

I quite enjoy Secret Santa because I enjoy shopping and working to a small budget. But I work with people who wouldn’t buy socks or a body wash or chocolates as a SS gift.

I can totally understand why you don’t want to take part as if you think about the tat it generates across the country, then it is depressing.

I did get a tiny shampoo and body wash set for my first Secret Santa. I found it pointless then, even though it would have been handy for travel.

Exactly. My DH has been teetotal for over a decade, yet at least 3 times in the past 10 years he has been given booze for the Secret Santa gift. (He used to just give it to me, but I went teetotal a couple of years ago too!)

A couple of times he was not given anything. I don't know why, but it made me very cross that his manager who organises it didn't make sure that everyone had a gift. He was a bit annoyed but I think I was more annoyed because I felt hurt for him.. Especially as he had bought a gift for someone.

The second time DH got nothing (happened twice in a 3 year period,) he said (after Christmas, in January,) that he is not taking part again. The Manager told him he was a bit old misery and they're putting him in it anyway. He said 'well carry on but I won't be buying for the person given to me.' And he stuck to his word. One woman was left feeling really pissed off as she was the only one without a gift (as DH didn't buy one.) DH had been given a 4 pack of Stella lager. Even though he is teetotal, 🙄so he just gave her his gift.

tl;dr, they had the last Secret Santa thing in 2023. Obviously it wasn't as popular as the manager thought it was. No-one misses it.

.

I completely agree with this.

As for the pp who thinks you should pay to get the goodwill of colleagues, no your work input and ethics should get you that not £10 of tat you didn't know you never wanted.

I cant think of anything much worse in a work setting than:

1. group sessions where you have to tell people something interesting about yourself

2. buying things for people you don't like.

I think this is just performative, enforced 'fun' and a waste of money.

Plus the gifts chosen are mostly useless rubbish with some people just ending up disappointed or even offended with what they get.

Nobody should be forced to take part in this.

I think there are two sorts of people- very Christmassy people, and people like us, OP. I don't really want to do secret Santa either-I don't like shopping, thinking of a gift, creating more tat to go to landfill, anything that feels like admin etc-but I have decided from now on to just humour the festive folk and do it with a smile. You're not going to win this one and it does seem to genuinely make them happy, and I'm all for that even if I like it spread out across the year rather than squeezed into two weeks in December.

I now have a plan. In January, I normally buy something generic in the sales-fluffy socks, whatever looks like a good deal, Christmas decorations perhaps, and then I put it into my drawer of gifts. If I know what the person I get for secret Santa might like, I'll get them that, which isn't too much bother, but if I have to think about it, they get my January bargain.

It's secret. Nobody knows who bought it. I don't overthink it. I'm also not ruling out redonating what I got in last year's secret Santa as a gift or, actually, back into the same secret Santa pot next year. It's secret! If the person who bought it got it back, they probably liked it. Win, win! I smile, am grateful for my gift and realise that not everyone gets lots of presents at Christmas. I don't need a gift but there might be one person in your workplace who will be genuinely delighted with theirs(probably, in all honesty, not one selected by me) and it's worth doing it for that.

Please, nomas, could you tell us some things you would buy? You have skills I don't, I suspect. Some top tips would be very welcome.

I find it pointless, my current job don’t do it thankfully but my last one, I was remote so either got a gift card by post, or my present when I went to the office in January when no one else was there.

Yanbu people need to stop doing these things just because they've done them every year
Just don't do it. Utterly pointless.

I don’t have skills but I do enjoy bargain hunting and shopping for others!

I find it easier to shop for other women but things that have gone down well, under £10:

• silk hair scrunchies (not satin)
• silk eye mask for sleeping (not satin)
• a bracelet
• Sauces (like a hot sauce)
• wellbeing gifts like creatine powder
• a unisex hat
• a scarf

We have that web site where you can say things you want and I always put the titles of a few paperback books. Under £10, easy for the buyer to purchase, something I actually want.

You definitely do have skills, as you have demonstrated. Many thanks, nomas. Consider me better prepared for the festive season after your input. I hadn't considered any of those.

Thank you!

I'd be a bit miserable at being asked about Secret Santa when the clocks haven't even gone back yet.

I remember years ago getting a box of 'notelets' which must have been lying in someone's junk cupboard since 1980! I left them in my desk drawer when I left the job.

I'm not a fan of this sort of 'organised (forced) fun'.

We all work remotely so have to post ours and one year, nothing arrived, so I checked and they offered to send again, but i said don’t bother as not their fault. Next year I got a bake a cake in a tin can kit (so about one portion… ) budget was £10, I have 4 children snd bake a lot so complete waste, gave up after that!