Am I miserable for not wanting to do secret santa at work?

[Nattyandcatty]

This will be my third year Christmas at this company and for the past two years, I have done secret Santa. I don’t want to do it this year, I find it pointless. It’s only £10 but it’s just the same crap every year. I don’t need another fluffy pair of socks or body wash gift set. I don’t know these people well enough to know what they’d really like, so all the gifts end up being generic or tat and I just can’t be bothered. We do have this online website where you can write a list of the things you like and create a wish list, but no one uses it. I just told my colleague that I don’t want to participate this year and she looked at me like I’d grown a second head and doesn’t understand why. She said she loves secret Santa but I’d just rather but presents for people that I choose. AIBU? Am I a Scrooge?

I opt out and l dont go to the Christmas party either.
I dont care what others think. Im about 25 years,older than any of my colleagues, they are nice enough to work with but l have nothing in common with them.

YANBU
I'd just claim I forgot to sign up!

This is even worse 😩 I had a colleague who insisted that we spend money on our 'betters' , it's so archaic .
The irony is, our boss who was the coolest man that ever lived actually agreed and felt cringey and embarrassed to receive an expensive gift from us and then spent a shit load of his own money buying us gift out of guilt 🫣.

Years ago, Dh was working as a supply teacher and was going to be in the same very "posh" school leading up to Christmas. Money was really tight as he wasn't going to be paid over the Christmas break and hadn't yet got any work lined up for January, in fact, we were desperately hoping this school would keep him on. The staff just took it for granted he'd join in the secret Santa and he was given the name of a female teacher, so i bought some bits I'd like myself, some fancy (to us) chocs and some luxury hand cream, actually, it was probably better than anything I'd receive myself for Christmas that year, as we were so skint we weren't doing presents to each other. He was told that everyone spent approx 20 quid, so i thought that at least he'd get something decent in return, perhaps some nice chocs/wine or something we could both share. On the day, his chosen teacher opened her present, just glanced at it and put it down without comment. Then it was dh's turn and he was shocked when his gift turned out to be a pair of plastic fake boobs! Dh is a quiet, respectful, type of person, certainly not "laddish", so god knows why whoever bought it thought he would find it funny and no one else was given "joke" presents, just dh. He was so embarrassed and what an absolute waste of money, we couldn't even re-gift them to someone else and to top it off, the school didnt even ask him back in January! I'm glad we are both now retired and don't have to get involved in things like Secret Santa, works Christmas "do's" etc. I don't miss them at all!

I'd been made redundant in August of 1991 which was a terrible blow. I was a single parent with a mortgage. There had been a financial crash the year before, so a shortage of jobs and mortgage rates sky high. Things were really tough. Finally I found a new job in December that year and my new boss told me to start thinking about a Secret Santa gift. I had never in my life heard of Secret Santa and I'd worked in a variety of very sociable places since 1975. I guess it was just creeping in from America at that point. She explained and said the gift must cost £5.00. I was absolutely mortified. I could've cried. I couldn't even afford new shoes and was in despair about what to buy my son for Christmas. But as it was a new job and I was desperate to make a good impression, I felt I had no option but to go along with it. So I bought the nicest gift I could get for £5.00 and in exchange was given a chocolate willy. Yes, I know it's comical but from then on I vowed never to participate this ridiculous exchange of landfill ever again.

I’d look at it as a £10 fee in return for the good opinion of people you have to spend a lot of time with. In that sense, it’s quite cheap.

I haven't done a secret Santa in work for years.

YANBU but me and close friends at work have a bit of a running joke of who’s going to receive the worst present. Yes most of the presents are tat but I couldn’t imagine sitting at my desk not joining in.

I don’t do that, I’ve actually never done it but I have seen many presents ‘forgotten’ by the same people who ‘forgot’ them last year (and every working day since) and I have seen the people who then receive nothing, and many times it is the one who lives alone, family dead or far away, who has had a tough year. It must be really shit to be given nothing, it’s certainly shit to witness.

And I don’t worry about whether it makes me look a team player or whatever, I feel if that is how someone is judged and they forgot all the team player things I did in the year like sort out someone else’s work when they’re very busy, swap my annual leave to ensure eg someone from abroad has enough time to see their family, take on the burden of doing the thing no one else can be bothered with, always ready to do extra to help ‘the team’ then it’s simply not something I worry about.

And I’ve never received any pushback at all from refusing. It’s either the soft and gentle way I explain it or it’s my RBF.

And knowing you’re basically throwing away a fiver is to some people just too much. You don’t know what financial problems other people have, debt, vet fees, car problems, illness, dying family member a flight away, really just things that can happen to anyone out of nowhere.

How about me? I'm not a Christian.

We’ve done secret Santa for years, but it’s been stopped this year. Last year some gifts caused huge offence and upset and we have been advised to stop. Result!

TBH your religion has sod all to do with it. Christmas for many people is largely the old pagan Midwinter festival now anyway - the Holly and the ivy, eating, , drinking, making merry, the Yule log (a nice cosy fire) - even if they still enjoy hearing carols.

In Sweden they still call Christmas Yule. (Jul)

I used to hate it. Buying pointless shite for people you barely know.

Some would buy rude stuff "for a laugh" which made the recipient feel uncomfortable.

So glad I'm done with all that nonsense now.

Yes.

I'm not a pagan either. And it wasn't midwinter where I was born either come to think of it.

Can keep going all day (or until I board my flight) but I was just responding to a pp. In reality I fucking hate secret Santa. Put thought into something decent for a tenner for someone you don't particularly like and get absolute shit from home bargains et al that goes straight to the bin from someone you immediately lose respect for...instead of an extra tenner on the Christmas meal for the family of treats for the kids

Wanky performative wasteful bullshit

I just think stingy or miserable for people opting out. It’s a bit of fun with the people you probably spend more time communicating with than your family!

Only because I'm paid to.

Exactly. Even if you broadly like your colleagues you give them enough time anyway over the year. It's annoying to spend time looking for gifts for them when you have other stuff to do for the people you chose or need to have in your life.

I loathe it and don’t participate either YANBU

I do understand this outlook. It’s a bit of fun at Christmas. But it’s only fun for the people that find it fun. I find it it really wasteful. Last year I was given a Christmas themed mug… what’s fun about receiving that? (Also I doubt it was a particularly fun experience buying it). I don’t drink hot drinks so it’s just sat in the cupboard collecting dust. I’ve seen videos from people who work in charity shops saying please stop buying people tat for Christmas, because people don’t want it and it ends up there (like bags and bags of it every year). No one actually wants these gifts, so what is the point in it? I only go into work one day a week, and work from home the other 4. I hardly even know anyone from the other two teams who we do SS with. I think I’d enjoy it more if people took part in the wish list. Because it is nice buying people things they want and you know they will use and enjoy

Lots of previous comments about people being hurt by the present or the effort, how is that a bit of fun? It’s not.

And lots of people getting virtual strangers to buy a present for. Not ‘people you probably spend more time communicating with than your family’.

I don't mind a secret santa now - they're usually good fun and they're just silly gifts and a bit of a challenge. One of my old bosses used to make us all contribute to a gift for her - usually a large Jo Malone candle. When she went and I took over, one of the first things I did was ensure gifts flow downwards or sideways only.

For £10 buy a bottle of wine or Baileys, or chocolates - something that will at least get used. You could even give them cash in an envelope to have lunch on you one day.

One of my old bosses used to make us all contribute to a gift for her - usually a large Jo Malone candle

🤯🤬🤯🤬🤯🤬🤯

The 'Fun Colleague' who usually organises it is having a hissy fit that she doesn't get enough gratitude for doing (forcing) it, so isn't doing it this year.

The collective relief is palpable, finding £10 for Stupid Santa gift when we only earn £12.71 an hour is just ridiculous.

Last year she introduced a whole new layer of cringe when we had to guess who'd bought our 'gift' (tat) as we sat around in an awkward circle. My 'gift' was a novelty mug with a chicken saying 'F* Orf' on it ... I imagine the gifter was regifting it. It's a noble concept but fails dismally in reality.