Am I miserable for not wanting to do secret santa at work?

[Nattyandcatty]

This will be my third year Christmas at this company and for the past two years, I have done secret Santa. I don’t want to do it this year, I find it pointless. It’s only £10 but it’s just the same crap every year. I don’t need another fluffy pair of socks or body wash gift set. I don’t know these people well enough to know what they’d really like, so all the gifts end up being generic or tat and I just can’t be bothered. We do have this online website where you can write a list of the things you like and create a wish list, but no one uses it. I just told my colleague that I don’t want to participate this year and she looked at me like I’d grown a second head and doesn’t understand why. She said she loves secret Santa but I’d just rather but presents for people that I choose. AIBU? Am I a Scrooge?

We do theiving santa and more people get what they might want and it's all a good laugh. But I'd respect anyone that wanted to opt out and keep the amount low.

I stopped taking part in Secret Santa many years ago.

Had the one where you get a 10 year old bath bomb - I don't bath, take showers. Had the bottle of wine - don't drink due to meds. Had a book in a genre I actually loathe, same with a DVD. Had a t-shirt 3 sizes too small. Had very cheap dark chocolate - I only like milk. Herbal tea bags, don't drink them. etc etc etc.

I've also seen cruel gifts, both to me and others e.g. the oversized lady (health problems) who got a book on slimming, the dyslexic person who got a spelling game, the rather prim & proper person who got the ubiquitous chocolate willies, the devout Christian who received that Richard Dawkins book.

I've spent ages trying to buy something appropriate, only to get things that are so totally wrong for me they couldn't have been less welcome if the gifter had tried. Received stuff worth about £2 when the guide was £20.

I've seen it cause some real upset in previous jobs either because the gift was inappropriate, a jokey item that lands badly, people spending way less than the limit and people feeling hurt others haven't made the effort they have.

On the other hand i have two friends who don't see family for various estrangement and bereavement reasons and neither have a huge social network or kids so for them the work secret Santa is one of only a handful of gifts they receive and both look forward to it, the choosing and giving as much as the receiving. I saw online recently you can pay companies to do secret Santa type gifts for you to open yourself after ticking options of the type of thing you like and thought of my friends. There is some joy in a lovely surprise to open (it's why fancy Advent calendars are so popular) so I do have some empathy with people who enjoy them.

Yes I do because I get gifted at least 3 pairs every single year. I have actually counted how many I have currently and it’s 14 pairs! It’s just completely and utterly unnecessary

Me too. I hated work nights out too especially the 'Bring a party to a party" ones where people just made arses of themselves.

I’m not keen either, some years I opt out others I participate, we use the online system and everyone does put their preference or what they really don’t like ie alcohol etc. this year we’ve upped it to £20 as trying to get anything decent for £10 is difficult.

I HATE secret Santa. Literally nothing enjoyable for me. Finding a gift for a random person I don’t know well, awkward exchange of gift, everyone awkwardly opening presents and pretending to be excited, I have to act happy about what I have. The whole thing feels me with dread and anxiety, so I also opt out. (Disclaimer, I have ADHD/ Autism ).
I am actually surprised reading comments that some people can enjoy it, I really thought everyone pretended,

Yes id really do sypathise that a tenner doesn't get much. Problem is, that it's not the only 'tenner' gift most of us have to get. Gifts for children, partners, parents if they expect them. The a gift for nieces, nephews, godchildren etc etc etc.

Aside from my own family I have 4 nieces and nephews to buy for, plus their partners. Then there are 4 under 12 month old children born to respective nieces and nephews. Plus 6 godchildren. That's 18 people and not even a partiularly large group there. Last few years I put £50 a month aside for gifts for randomers only as that's really the limit of what I could comfortably afford. I should have been smarter and put it into Premium bonds because at least then I might have had a nice windfall out of it!

Ive never celebrated christmas since 1979. When I say that I find it a good conversation stopper.

Our work does kids present for charity thing now instead of secret Santa. I think it's so much better, especially when you see it all bagged up ready to take to the charity. Makes me feel so much Christmassy than a box of biscuits would.

Those colleagues can still do secret santa though.
OP doesn't want to participate.
I've always done secret Santa at work, and it's been fun, with years of having a limit of £3, or only giving either recycled or handmade gifts.
But the first two years in my current job I had generic toiletry sets which I can't use, and they're the usual boots 3 for 2 ones you see in charity shops after Christmas. It all seemed very wasteful. So I donated to a charity instead and advised I was doing this.
It's a lot of additional stress for some people, trying to get a nice item for someone they might not know (or like!)

So many people commenting that they do it even though they don't really enjoy it. I opt out of ours, and it's great, less stress at work at Christmas time, maybe more of us should opt out
To the few who are offended by people opting out, you're clearly not the kind of people that care about others feelings

You can get a gift card for multiple food places that includes Greggs. It's a favourite in our friend group because we all go to Greggs for lunch fairly regularly. I don't think you can go wrong with something like that.

So you all exchange Greggs tokens?

If we're giving a gift card then yes that's the one we choose. Like I said, it can be used at other food places as well and I think we've all done that. We don't always give gift cards either as we are friends and therefore know each others likes but it's good to top up a present that might not cost as much as you know it will definitely get used.

YANBU - I love secret santa but wouldn't think twice about someone opting out of the office one.

We also use the website but the person I've pulled has just asked for a gift card - which I don't really think is the spirit of it but each to their own, makes life easier for me I guess?

Tbf I've usually had thoughtful gifts - except for the one year I got a bracelet completely not my taste and also too small for my fat wrist 😂

Secret Santa only really works with small teams where people know and trust each other enough to be able to tease one another. Otherwise its just performative fun and adds to the mountain of pointless shit which you don’t want or need.

That said sometimes it pays to just go along with it to keep the peace.