All inclusive family hols drinking etiquette..

[LostMumoftwoboys]

A bit of a long one but it’s ended again in me being given the silent treatment by DH because I asked him to rein it in a little?!

A bit of backstory, I have anxiety around drinking and behaviour changes associated with drinking.. DH knows the reasons why I am like I am (mainly because issues stem from his drinking in the past).

I have tried to “relax” but I feel for some reason this holiday is him being extreme and getting pissed off when I asked to reign it in a little.. I have not asked him to not drink, I have asked it to not be 8pints in the afternoon around the pool whilst we have a 2yo and 6yo.

His argument was he was still in the pool, taking photos etc and it was over a period of time. But I still see it as a bit OTT? Followed by 3/4 pints in the evening with dinner and even the waitress pulled a face when he asked for 2 at a time!

He’s also taken up smoking 2/3 cigars a day which are vile, fill the room even with the door closed and can smell it on him for ages. He’s not smoked for years and I’m really proud of him for quitting, usually it’s the odd one the whole holiday.

IDK if this is me being unreasonable but he throws it back at me like it’s all about me, when really I just want my kids not to see that drinking lots and smoking is okay and for him to be respectful about it?

Or am I just being unreasonable and controlling like he suggests?

YANBU. He sounds very immature. It’s not a lads holiday and he’s not 18 any more.

The cigars would push me over the edge, I would probably feel sick.

So he's drinking 11/12 pints a day and looking after two young children and he thinks you need to relax? He's behaving like an absolute dick OP.

Hey OP. I am sorry to hear. This would be too much alcohol for me to accept. If he is out with his friends then whatever but to feel the need to drink those amounts with his young children around is outrageous. I like a glass of wine (or more) myself, but this is an absence and worrying amount to drink when you are responsible for young children! I'd also find the ordering of two drinks at a time crass and embarrassing.

Eww yuk! I have no time for anyone who smokes in front of their kids- disgusting

It’s a massive amount of alcohol, and it basically makes you the default parent who’s the only one on duty. Not relaxing at all and if something were to happen you’d be facing it alone due to him being pissed. Not a good example for the kids to see but mainly it just puts so much on your shoulders. He’s being really selfish if you’ve raised and he’s still doing it. One, maybe 2 pints of a day, then a break and the same at night woujd still be getting your moneys worth!

Yanbu.
Being drunk with the kids by the pool is a no go for me. Its so dangerous and things can go wrong so quickly.
Its not like youre telling him to not drink at all, if he wanted to get wasted and smoke all the time he should have gone on a lads holiday instead not a family holiday.

Sorry, that is disgusting. Does he have any nice attributes?

I never post on these threads but I honestly would leave.

Thank you for making me feel like I’m not going insane and it’s not normal like he thinks it is.

I have also pointed out it’s not a lads drinking holiday it’s a nice resort with families and I have also said I don’t see others doing the same.. rightly or wrongly.

I am sick of defending myself and tbh will probably be the last all inclusive I can endure.

I also agree it’s embarrassing and his behaviour is very unattractive right now.

You poor thing. He sounds awful.

YANBU. I went on an all inclusive last year with young kids, we had about 8 pints over the course of the week!!!

What if you became ill and he was solely in charge in that state? Not on at all.

Yanbu if he drinks that much you are the default parent, he is not safe to be in the pool and save them from drowning so he is effectively delegating all adulting to you. Very selfish.
absolutely gross to be smoking cigars especially round the children, if he should at a minimum be doing so outside but I’d not stand for it.

absolutely ick behaviour, I would be livid with rage in your position, he sounds like a complete man child

Has he ever sought help for his excess alcohol use?

It sounds like there is history there with issues with alcohol.

You are not being unreasonable. I wouldn't want to be around someone with issues with alcohol at the best of times, let alone when on holiday with young children around a pool

You are absolutely not being unreasonable and he is setting a terrible example to the children as well.

That is not fair at all OP. Because you are the sober one you end up being a single parent. He’s also putting away a lot of booze; I assume he’s a heavy drinker when you at home?

Don't do all-inclusive holidays. They are priced on the assumption that you will drink and eat as much as you can so if you consume in moderation you aren't getting your money's worth. Such over indulgence is damaging to body and soul. Book different kinds of holidays in future.

Obviously he's responsible for his drinking but why would you go on an AI holoday with someone who's drinking has caused you/your marriage issues in the past?

So he gets drunk around the pool whilst you look after the kids. Nice.
12 pints a day is madness. He clearly has a drink problem.
You're doing nothing wrong. I'd be disgusted if my husband did this

I bet he’s comatose all night and won’t get up if kids need someone … so that defaults to you. And he won’t be up at a reasonable time to get the kids ready for breakfast etc.

What a holiday for you 😡😟

Thanks and I am not tea total I love a cocktail but I can count how many I have had the whole 3 days we’ve been here on one hand!

He’s not been like this before on all inclusive with the kids so I’m baffled as to why he thinks it’s acceptable. We don’t do many AI, we’ve been to Florida twice this year and he booked this last minute I’m just at a loss now because the more I say the more he does it anyway.

On what planet was booking AI with an alcoholic a sensible idea?

He must be hugely fat and unhealthy to be able to drink that much. Or if he isn't now he will be soon. YANBU.

That’s an absolutely deranged amount to be drinking, especially beer! How does he not feel like he’s about to explode?

Completely down to growth/ageing I think, at home it’s 4 on a Friday and it’s him done, he was very much an immature 20s something in the early days..

Fwiw 12 pints over a day and evening is perfectly possible, it's less than one pint an hour. I've done 9 pints in a day on a beano day out, and I'm a small woman who ordinarily doesn't drink much. When you drink steadily through the day it goes down OK. But, I've never ruined a family holiday doing it !