All inclusive family hols drinking etiquette..

[LostMumoftwoboys]

A bit of a long one but it’s ended again in me being given the silent treatment by DH because I asked him to rein it in a little?!

A bit of backstory, I have anxiety around drinking and behaviour changes associated with drinking.. DH knows the reasons why I am like I am (mainly because issues stem from his drinking in the past).

I have tried to “relax” but I feel for some reason this holiday is him being extreme and getting pissed off when I asked to reign it in a little.. I have not asked him to not drink, I have asked it to not be 8pints in the afternoon around the pool whilst we have a 2yo and 6yo.

His argument was he was still in the pool, taking photos etc and it was over a period of time. But I still see it as a bit OTT? Followed by 3/4 pints in the evening with dinner and even the waitress pulled a face when he asked for 2 at a time!

He’s also taken up smoking 2/3 cigars a day which are vile, fill the room even with the door closed and can smell it on him for ages. He’s not smoked for years and I’m really proud of him for quitting, usually it’s the odd one the whole holiday.

IDK if this is me being unreasonable but he throws it back at me like it’s all about me, when really I just want my kids not to see that drinking lots and smoking is okay and for him to be respectful about it?

Or am I just being unreasonable and controlling like he suggests?

A bit of backstory, I have anxiety around drinking and behaviour changes associated with drinking.. DH knows the reasons why I am like I am (mainly because issues stem from his drinking in the past).

I would rewrite this OP. You don't have anxiety around drinking: the issue is his, not yours. Your DH has a drinking problem and you are right to be worried and angry. You know very well that this is a hugely worrying amount to drink and there is no reason for him to be doing it on any type of holiday. 12 pints over the course of an afternoon/evening is very heavy drinking. You would be well advised to consider this relationship carefully. It's clearly not the first time alcohol has caused problems for him.

If Dh was like this, we definitely wouldn’t be going on any holidays. In fact, we probably would almost certainly be divorcing. It’s grim behaviour when you are meant to be parenting a toddler in the pool!

It’s sad but your probably right.

Just because he’s on holiday doesn’t mean he isn’t a parent anymore and no responsible parent drinks 8+ pints when they have their children in their care.

No he shouldnt be heavy drinking with 3 young kids in a pool

I would never go
AI with someone prone to binge drinking . I’m would pick a hotel with a very expensive bar.

is he smoking inside? I used to smoke daily, now I smoke very occasionally, but never indoors. And where are you that still allows it?

the drinking is miles too much. I know he’s on holiday, but you are too , he’s completely ruined it for you and the kids. Like others have said he’s leaving the responsibility of looking after the kids to you.

i know it’s hard to leave a long standing relationship especially if you have kids, However this situation can’t continue. It’s terrible for the kids and for you. I’m not one to scream LTB but I can’t see any other option.

I have a 12 year old and love a drink in the evening on holiday but drinking in the day seems unnecessary to me.

I’m not sure how he is still standing after 8 pints

Ok going to pull the long bow here but.....

How have things been lately with you? Say the last 6 months.

I ask because he booked it last minute and seems to be going out of his way to upset you. You say that the more you object the more he does the "fuck you, I will do want want" and increase his drinking and smoking.

I do wonder if there is another agenda here.

Id be looking to go home with the children .

Generally, how is his alcohol drinking back at home?

Yes it is controlling but I also find a AI holiday with an alcoholic an odd choice too

I couldn't holiday with someone who does this but I wont control another adult, I male my choices and thry make theirs, I dont have to accept other people's choices though

Fuck that. To be honest he sounds like a massive chav, guzzling 8 pints by the pool and ordering 2 pints at a time at dinner. How unattractive. I wouldn't be anxious just cringing with embarrassment at being with him.

Nothing the OP says suggests that he is an alcoholic. He went on benders when he was younger and then packed it in as he aged.

No op you’re not unreasonable at all. It’s the fact that he’s ’off duty’ so you have to pick up the slack. It’s bang out of order. There’s obviously history here and he sounds incredibly immature so I’d be distancing myself from him tbh

We went on an all inclusive for the first time this year and the parents there who drank to excess and just acted like their kids were an inconvenience made me feel really sad. I didn’t even like my own kids being near pissed men in the middle of the afternoon. It’s really grim, you aren’t wrong to feel let down.

Oh how grim 😖 He seems to think he is on a separate sort of holiday to the rest of the family. YANBU.

Absolutely ridiculous. He’s chasing liver cirrhosis. And being very unattractive in the process.

Is he actually handling the alcohol or is he drunk?

Does he not realise alcohol poisoning is a thing? 11/12 pints is excessive!! As a one off mistake, easy to do, I guess....? But every night?...no...!!

It's also far too much given that you have young children with you.

Gross and negligent behaviour. Ordering two pints at a time, sitting with your two small children... no wonder the waitress pulled a face.

Typical drunken manchild I'm afraid. Of course doesn't get to do this around his little kids and his wife who has asked him to behave like a normal person.

The question is, what are you going to do about it?

He's drunk. It's not possible to not be drunk after consuming so much alcohol. After just one drink everyone is intoxicated, to a greater or lesser extent.

Whether he can hide it reasonably well, or not, he is drunk.

YANBU for finding his behaviour repulsive, but YABVU for marrying him in the first place. Where on earth did you find such a prince?? He is in no way mature enough to be a father.