All inclusive family hols drinking etiquette..

[LostMumoftwoboys]

A bit of a long one but it’s ended again in me being given the silent treatment by DH because I asked him to rein it in a little?!

A bit of backstory, I have anxiety around drinking and behaviour changes associated with drinking.. DH knows the reasons why I am like I am (mainly because issues stem from his drinking in the past).

I have tried to “relax” but I feel for some reason this holiday is him being extreme and getting pissed off when I asked to reign it in a little.. I have not asked him to not drink, I have asked it to not be 8pints in the afternoon around the pool whilst we have a 2yo and 6yo.

His argument was he was still in the pool, taking photos etc and it was over a period of time. But I still see it as a bit OTT? Followed by 3/4 pints in the evening with dinner and even the waitress pulled a face when he asked for 2 at a time!

He’s also taken up smoking 2/3 cigars a day which are vile, fill the room even with the door closed and can smell it on him for ages. He’s not smoked for years and I’m really proud of him for quitting, usually it’s the odd one the whole holiday.

IDK if this is me being unreasonable but he throws it back at me like it’s all about me, when really I just want my kids not to see that drinking lots and smoking is okay and for him to be respectful about it?

Or am I just being unreasonable and controlling like he suggests?

I’d like to hear from OP.

This^
Toddler in a pool with drunk stupid dad is a dangerous mixture. .

Ok, but he's still drunk after consuming all that alcohol, as that's just factual.

On open comment threads you get comments from other people too.

You an always DM the OP if you like.

Thank you for the permission.

I would actually like to know if he’s drinking and you wouldn’t notice or if he’s falling about the place drunk. Unfortunately you can’t answer this.

Yes, that's nice. Anyway, as I said he's drunk, whether he's hiding it or not. Perhaps the OP will assuage your curiosity, perhaps not.

I give you my permission to DM her though, as you can't cope with public responses to your public response.

This cannot in any way be a relaxing or enjoyable holiday for you.

You are 100% responsible for 2 young children by default, as well as an embarrassing and selfish adult who is not acting like an adult in any way, shape or form.

Is there any way you could go home early and leave him to it? Disappointing yes, but going home to a quiet house without him might be more restful for you ultimately. You'd be a lot less anxious.

You could also use the time away from him to think about next steps for you and your precious children.

He has let you all down, massively.

Ridiculous OP. A couple of pints I could just about forgive, although I still think not great when combined with toddlers and pools - 8 WTF?

He does it because he wants to drink a lot. In an AI he doesn’t have to stop. Things have changed for him and you will never get back to the old baseline, whatever that was. Now he is back to being a smoker. And back to being a heavy drinker. He hasn’t sucessfully “wuit” either practice. So you can stop “being proud” of him yYou need to take off your rose colored glasses. He is an alcoholic and increasingly he eill arrange things in order to drink. And he will fight you tooth snd nail to prevent you stopping him.

That's an insane amount to drink and starting smoking again is dire.
It's not you. It's him.
Ordering two at a time is over the top too.
And then on top of that, there's the fact that all parenting is down to you!. So unfair.
What are you going to do?

I’d be getting the hotel to give me a print out of his consumption before you leave. Then if you decide to divorce, you have some evidence of his drinking.

That amount of drinking with young children wiring is disgusting. What a selfish prick. The cigar smoking is pathetic.

I'm so sorry OP, this must be really upsetting. You are not being the slightest bit unreasonable and anyone with a healthy relationship with alcohol would feel the same as you.

Do you feel like he is trying to punish you for something? Because this is not normal. I'd be wondering what he is drinking at home that you are not aware of.

Please speak to Al-Anon when you go home and think hard about your future. You and your DC deserve better than this.

He sounds like he has an alcohol problem. If try to keep the kids away from him if he's drinking all the time and smoking too. In future I'd go on holiday with DC alone.

I’m surprised hotel staff haven’t complained about the stench of smoking in the room.

You are married to a drunk OP and they don't improve.
I would pack your bags and leave, taking the kids with you.

You’ve been to Florida TWICE this year with 2 children and are on ANOTHER holiday??

Are you celebrities?

Are they actually pints or the AI plastic beakers with watered down beer? Just asking as I barely drink at home and certainly not pints but in some AI it’s practically pop and I could drink it all day and have zero effect at all.

The smoking would be a deal breaker for me though either way as it stinks.

Does he have something going on that he’s stressed about, booking a last minute holiday, drinking excessively and increased smoking. All point to someone who is stressed and trying to cover it up.

YANBU. He is, and I'm sorry you even have to ask, he's obviously having his own holiday while you manage everything else. Hardly making happy family memories, and showing complete disregard for you. I kind of like the idea of you heading home with the kids, I think that would send a very strong message, not sure how old your kids are but you could tell them your parents need you or something along those lines and that Daddy had to stay because... some reason. I'd leave him a letter that he can reflect on, and then don't answer your phone and don't respond to texts, just wait until he gets home. That will give you both some time to process. A line in the sand. He will either respond to that by changing or not. Good luck OP. You don't deserve this right now, or for the rest of your life. Also like the idea of a print out of his alcohol consumption in case you need evidence to stand up to future "it wasn't that bad" type arguments!

@LostMumoftwoboys

His behavior is totally unacceptable and probably very unattractive. I can imagine that you would not want to spend time with him.

One issue that you may not have considered is that his travel insurance is probably no longer valid when he is drunk. If he trips over when staggering back to your room (as an example) any medical costs could well be down to him. Insurance companies find any excuse/reason to not pay out.

Pool holidays are great with small kids but you need your wits about you and your dh is being totally unreasonable. To be honest even with no kids that sort of drinking would be a major turn off for me. What a bore he must be.

We are currently on an AI holiday and as per PP the beer is very watered down and only comes in little half pint plastic cups - I assume because of people like OPs DH. The cocktails are bloody strong though!
He’s being very selfish as even if it is weak beer it’s still alcohol and you’ve still got small children to supervise in a risky environment. The cigars anywhere near the kids would be a flat no, the smell is awful and lingers for ages. What’s he actually said when you’re pointing out the drinking has ramped up massively?

How is he once he’s had these beers? If you’re out round the pool for hours on end, one per hour isn’t that bad, I’ve never been to an all inclusive where they are full sized pints near the pool. Plus with eating breakfast, lunch and possibly snacks. If he does make him act ‘drunk’ then yes it is a problem. He could be 6ft and 15 stone for all we know and handle it ok.

Agree with @LarryUnderwood . It’s sad that you talk about his problem drinking as though your ‘anxiety’ over it is the issue.

The problem is his drinking - and on this holiday his shit parenting / partnership.

Is it normal strength beer? We went on our first AI this year and the beer was so weak, usually if I even have half a pint through the day I’d fall asleep in the afternoon and I didn’t once the week we were there, and I had maybe 3 or 4 of the little plastic cups of beer in the afternoons, and I’d have a few more after dinner and I never once felt drunk or had a hangover which is not at all usual for me.

But if his behaviour is upsetting you I’d expect him to change it, especially smoking around children.

This is my experience of AI, watered down beer and wine is small plastic beakers. I'm wondering if they are somewhere much nicer than I have ever been too.

OP the smoking is gross and needing two pints at dinner when it's free anyway is bizarre.