All inclusive family hols drinking etiquette..

[LostMumoftwoboys]

A bit of a long one but it’s ended again in me being given the silent treatment by DH because I asked him to rein it in a little?!

A bit of backstory, I have anxiety around drinking and behaviour changes associated with drinking.. DH knows the reasons why I am like I am (mainly because issues stem from his drinking in the past).

I have tried to “relax” but I feel for some reason this holiday is him being extreme and getting pissed off when I asked to reign it in a little.. I have not asked him to not drink, I have asked it to not be 8pints in the afternoon around the pool whilst we have a 2yo and 6yo.

His argument was he was still in the pool, taking photos etc and it was over a period of time. But I still see it as a bit OTT? Followed by 3/4 pints in the evening with dinner and even the waitress pulled a face when he asked for 2 at a time!

He’s also taken up smoking 2/3 cigars a day which are vile, fill the room even with the door closed and can smell it on him for ages. He’s not smoked for years and I’m really proud of him for quitting, usually it’s the odd one the whole holiday.

IDK if this is me being unreasonable but he throws it back at me like it’s all about me, when really I just want my kids not to see that drinking lots and smoking is okay and for him to be respectful about it?

Or am I just being unreasonable and controlling like he suggests?

We did several all inclusives with the kids at similar ages and never saw families getting roaring drunk. 8 pints in the afternoon is a LOT, even without more at dinner.

The only people I have seen getting drunk were once in Menorca a group of young Dutch lads who were there for the weekend, had misjudged the vibe of Menorca and were trying to create a party vibe on a non-party island, and again in Mexico there was a group of young north Americans who drank a lot. But not mums/dads with kids in tow. We were never teetotal, but not to the 11 pints level.

Hope you and your kids are OK.

You're not being unreasonable or controlling; as you said, you're not even trying to stop him from drinking and smoking, just expecting him to behave like an adult and a parent and not ruin everyone else's holiday.

If he's too drunk to take care of the children, either routinely or in a sudden emergency, then that's not sustainable or fair - what would happen if, for the rest of this holiday, you drank the same amount that he does (or the equivalent for your size and tolerance)? And he shouldn't be smoking indoors, unless he has a separate room.

What really struck me, though (besides the silent treatment and the attempt to convince you that YOU are the unreasonable one when in fact he is) is the idea that someone with a history of behaving so badly when drinking that it's given his wife anxiety is still drinking at all. Has he ever acknowledged his poor behaviour and the need to change it, or did he just slow down because HE wanted to?

I also wonder if it’s small glasses of beer in the plastic cups, horrible watered down stuff. Wouldn’t like the smoking, what do you mean it fills the room? Is he doing it indoors? I wouldn’t have that

Yet another man who’s read the misogynists playbook and trots out the ‘controlling’ line whenever a woman objects to something that is completely unreasonable.
As others have said, this isn’t much of a holiday for you because you have to be on duty at all times. There’s enjoying a few drinks, and then there’s this level of drinking. Utterly vile.

Also isn’t he embarrassed for his children to see him like this? Obviously not. Very sad that he has no interest in spending quality time with his family.
I’m sorry OP, big handhold and hug from this stranger x

He’s alcohol dependent and you know that you can’t carry on like this. What a pity. All inclusive holidays shouldn’t be seen as a challenge to drink as much as you possibly can, that’s ridiculous.

Not sure he’s an alcoholic, it’s more the dickish behaviour when you are trying to talk about it..is he trying to upset you?

It’s entirely unacceptable, never mind the last all inclusive - this would be the last holiday I endure with him.

You can’t diagnose OPs H as alcohol dependent from one or two AI holiday binges.

Yes he’s acting a dickhead by checking out of being a dad whilst on holiday but we don’t know more than that at the moment.

No, 12 pints is outrageous especially whilst looking after kids. He must feel dreadfull too - permanently hungover.

We did an AI holiday with our kids this year and my DH definitely drank more alcohol than he normally would - he wanted to get his money's worth, and we were on holiday! However our kids are teens and don't need constant supervision, and he wasn't drinking anything like 12 pints a day. Maybe 2 alcoholic drinks in the day time, and 3-4 in the evening. Getting hammered and leaving the other parent to do all of the parenting is incredibly selfish - are you the default parent at home too?

Drunk + kids = unsafe for the kids especially around water which is lethal.
He is opting out of his parenting responsibilities.

What does he say if you say the above to him, and point out how unfair it is that he is taking up all of the opt-outs, you are not getting even a single afternoon off. Does he fundamentally think he is not responsible for his kids? At the very least he should alternate the on duty/ off duty days with you, it is your holiday too.

8 pints is something that should be less than once a year occasion if not never. That’s 18 units! 12 beers is 27 units! The max weekly limit is 14 spread over 3+ occasions.

He’s an alcoholic OP. Only alcoholics can drink that much without being unconscious. And I say that as a member of AA.

Im also amazed the hotel lets him smoke cigars in the room.

Morning all,
Thanks for all your replies..
Absolutely our issues were from his younger binging days somehow managed to come through the other side.

He has calmed down a lot since then and as I say it’s usually once a week on a Friday where he sits and chills at home. He doesn’t go out hardly anymore.

To clarify he’s smoking on the balcony but the smell seeps in through the doors into the apartment, and it lingers!! Still the kids don’t need to smell or breath it in.

He hasn’t apologised just made stupid remarks over breakfast but has said he won’t drink today.

I think the beer is possibly weakened or watered down, the cocktails definitely don’t taste of alcohol, he doesn’t seem drunk but also starts looking a bit worse for wear by the evening. I just think it’s unnecessary mentality and that I asked not to go over the top and have been ignored and then given the silent treatment over it.

Im going to see how today goes, and then when we get home see if he’s taken any of it on board.

Thank you for all advice,

p.s not a celebrity just a better year than last!

I assume this pillock can’t be trusted to watch his own children so that’s all your job on holiday. Smoking cigars on the balcony sounds tragic

Is he going to be footing the bill for extra cleaning. If it’s seeping into the room there will definitely be a bill! FWIW I am a smoker, but many places don’t even allow smoking on a balcony these days, and cigar smells seem to linger longer than cigarette smoke - not that anyone should have to endure either in a hotel.

I think all inclusives are an absolute disaster for people who have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. My father behaves in the same way, orders 2 at once, knocks back a completely unnecessary amount at a really cringey rate (as thought he’s utterly desperate to get his money’s worth!). It is awful and I would never go back to an all inclusive resort with him again because of this. I think this might be your only option too.

2 and 6 year olds need watched constantly in the pool. you can’t be expected to spend your holiday being the only one sober enough to safely parent.

we did an all inclusive when our kids were similar ages.. DH did pool swimming and lounging with the oldest and I did paddling and napping with our youngest. No way would I have let him in the pool with her as the only supervising adult after 4 pints. We still had a lovely time and relaxed. I would have a drink or two at the beginning of our 2yos nap and be sobered up by the time she woke up.

Absolutely agree. People are desperate to get their moneys worth. I wouldn’t go again with my DH because he has a fairly unhealthy relationship with food and the all inclusive buffets mean that he just piles his plate high.

Honestly he sounds awful. If he’s not already an alcoholic he’s well on the way. Plus this will be terrible for his health.

On the average holiday I might have a drink, maybe 2 with lunch and then a couple of glasses in the evening. This is so far outside the normal for me I can barely see it!

I think if he’s a decent guy you need to get to the bottom of what’s going on- maybe he’s telling himself this is normal? But yes don’t be gaslit, you’re right.

I’m not surprised the waitress thought ordering 2 pints at a time excessive!
Gruesome 😢

Is he drunk OP? People do tend to drink more whilst on holiday (myself included). Are you policing his drinks eleven though he's not drunk?

I wouldn’t go on holiday with him again

Remind him of the dad who dropped his toddler out a window in Crete after only a couple of drinks- by him being drunk he’s giving you far more work and ruining your holiday. Ask if tmo he can stay sober and you have ten drinks over the day and see if he finds that fair