All inclusive family hols drinking etiquette..

[LostMumoftwoboys]

A bit of a long one but it’s ended again in me being given the silent treatment by DH because I asked him to rein it in a little?!

A bit of backstory, I have anxiety around drinking and behaviour changes associated with drinking.. DH knows the reasons why I am like I am (mainly because issues stem from his drinking in the past).

I have tried to “relax” but I feel for some reason this holiday is him being extreme and getting pissed off when I asked to reign it in a little.. I have not asked him to not drink, I have asked it to not be 8pints in the afternoon around the pool whilst we have a 2yo and 6yo.

His argument was he was still in the pool, taking photos etc and it was over a period of time. But I still see it as a bit OTT? Followed by 3/4 pints in the evening with dinner and even the waitress pulled a face when he asked for 2 at a time!

He’s also taken up smoking 2/3 cigars a day which are vile, fill the room even with the door closed and can smell it on him for ages. He’s not smoked for years and I’m really proud of him for quitting, usually it’s the odd one the whole holiday.

IDK if this is me being unreasonable but he throws it back at me like it’s all about me, when really I just want my kids not to see that drinking lots and smoking is okay and for him to be respectful about it?

Or am I just being unreasonable and controlling like he suggests?

He doesn’t seem to respect you much op

He has parental and other responsibilities and 12 pints a day is a slippery slope back to his old ways. Using AI as an excuse is not an answer just an opportunity

A few beers spaced out throughout the day around the pool, with lunch, and a wine or two (even 3) in the evening. Sure.

Looking like a twat ordering 2 at a time at dinner. Na. Ick. Not necessary, and when the waitress raises her eyebrows she's on to something. Not like they're about to run out is it?

So he doesn’t seem drunk just looks a little bit worse for wear by the evening.

So not really a problem then. I’m sure his liver can handle it for a brief holiday. It does seem to be you stripping the fun out of his holiday. But saying that, he’ll probably also enjoy it without alcohol too, maybe more so. But that should be his decision not yours.

You’ve got to be kidding here?

No. There seems to be numerous controlling women on MN at the moment.

Your not being unreasonable his behaviour is atrocious. Its a family holiday not a lads one (as you rightly state). He is drinking a huge amount of alcohol daily and is in no way capable of looking after your children or helping at all. At your children's ages both parents need to be sober and diligent around the pool or sea at all times. My kids at 14, nearly 10 and 7 and neither me or dh ever drink alcohol on holiday until we are all out of the pool for the day. My children are all very competent swimmers and we go to places with lifeguards at pools but its still not a risk we take. Its a family holiday not a party one. Does he always drink a lot?

Relative of an alcoholic here and I think he booked this last minute holiday so he could drink. He wants to be in a scenario where he can drink all day and make you the odd one ! Oh and the anxiety ? Thats from him too. I remember it well x

I wonder how big DH is. We have men at work who could quite easily drink what the OP mentions and not even be drunk. Not even close. By the evening the effects of a pint per hour would be a distant memory for them.

That said, its still poor behaviour when in a family environment. A couple of beers. A few soft drinks or a coffee. Civilised behaviour. The children dont need to see adults focussing solely on alcohol.

As soon as you mentioned the cigars i would have kicked his fat arse out of the room. Its a family holiday, not a stag trip to blackpool

If it’s upsetting you then he should stop, but I do want to clarify, 12 pints or 12 beers because I’ve been to many 5* all inclusive and never one that actually serves pints, they are usually a 250ml- 300 ml glass, and you can easily get through 12 of those over a whole day and not be remotely drunk or incapable.

I ended my marriage for similar reasons. I got to the point where I didn’t want to go on holiday with DH. And he didn’t want to go on holiday with me and my DC (not his). I had asked him not to drink around my DC. He’d been drunk and rude previously and he was so angry! I’d recommend you attend an online Al-Anon meeting because you shouldn’t have to police an adult.

So he has an alcohol problem……He needs to address it but no probably not on holiday. He should enjoy himself but his enjoyment is affecting others so yes he needs to calm down and limit the drinks. Make it clear sometimes he’s in charge and therefore can’t be drunk even if mildly. Split the day say he’s on duty until X time therefore no drinking until after that time. Your children are young and he needs to have his wits about him around water etc.

i think it’s a bit harsh throwing a massive strop - they are not pints, they are weak lager and he wasn’t drunk!

I did think it was odd how you claimed he had 8 pints but didn’t mention he was drunk!

Im not sure what you think is acceptable but maybe tell him in advance? He is absolutely entitled to have a few drinks both through the day and on an evening though surely?

This is why I don’t see the point of AI the food is never great and the drinks are dreadful!

i am on the fence on this one was he drunk? Did he behave inappropriately was unable to safely look after his dc? Having been on many all inclusive holidays the beer especially served round the pool during the day is really weak usually served in half pint plastic cups. For me I wouldn’t be counting the actual amount of drinks but how they affected him was his pissed in front of dc unable to parent them?