To think it’s rude that a girl’s mum is inviting her round to play with DD on a pre-existing play date?

[Unreaaass]

DD is in year 4 and has a very set best friend since nursery school. They tend to have weekly play dates and monthly sleepovers. This friend is coming over on Saturday for a play and a sleepover.

Also there’s another girl in DD’s class that, previously, DD had said was a bit mean and she didn’t like. This other girl and DD were in the same summer holiday club in August and DD said the girl had changed and she liked her now. So they played a bit at our house and the girl’s house (no sleepovers). Anyway, a few weeks ago DD said she doesn’t like this girl anymore as she’s back to being mean. DD had apparently told her “if you’re mean like that, I don’t want to play” and the girl kept doing it.

Anyway I have just looked at my phone and this girl’s mother has messsged “Hi A, could B come round for a play date and a sleepover on Saturday? She’s been hearing about C and D talking about it and she doesn’t want to miss out!” With lots of laughing and praying emojis.

I have two older daughters so I thought I’d heard it all! (Also DD having older sisters means she’s quite good at holding her boundaries and understanding play dynamics etc).

Anyway, DH says it’s fine for this mum to ask. Just say no. But then I look like the bad guy!

AIBU?

(I am going to say no, btw, as DD won’t want her to come.)

That is so cheeky! I can’t believe she messaged you to ask. You don’t invite yourself to these things you politely wait for an invitation. That’s mad.

Yanbu. If your DD doesn't want her to come round to her home then absolutely say no.

No, Sarah says that Jenny has been unkind to her - laughing at her glasses, calling her fat, saying she smells - so she doesn’t want Jenny to come and play.

Do not apologise or suggest that she can come in future if she behaves herself!

Just apologise and say no as your daughter and hers don't seem to be getting on well at the moment. You could add, hopefully it will all wash over soon, or whatever that expression is.

I’d purposely “misunderstand” and assume she was inviting dd to her house….
“oh thanks… we’re busy on x date, but let us know when dd can come to you next!”

Fine for her to ask. Fine for you to say no.

She can invite your DD to a sleepover for the girls if she doesn’t want her DD to miss out.

Madness. Who the hell has sleepovers at 4? How well do you know the parents of the best friend?
Just say you can’t manage three of them overnight but you’ll arrange a play date soon.

id just say sorry not this time. You don’t owe her anything. I’d also mention to your dd to be careful of upsetting others when discussing sleepovers

Do NOT have this girl over. What a nerve of the mother. Just say you only have one over for sleepovers as more than that can cause issues. You dont owe her anything anyway.

No sorry threes a crowd

Year 4 so 8/9 years old

Year 4

I’m glad it’s not just me! I really can’t believe how cheeky it is to ask! It would be cheeky if it were only a playdate let alone a sleepover!

I get the girl’s disappointment. I get that she wants to have someone to do sleepovers with. But what you do - as a parent - is to offer to have the girls over to your house for a play date/ sleepover another day! Surely!

No sorry they’re in year 4 - so DD is actually almost nine-years-old.

I’m on your husbands side as of course people can ask anything- and you can say no. Advocating for you own child’s needs and opinions is not being a bad guy.

OP said year 4?

I will tell her that when she’s awake tomorrow. I think that’s good advice. It’s not nice to be left out and sad!

I don’t think that’s a good idea, they’ve not been getting on well in school. I’ll ask DD to be more discreet about the sleepovers.

I hear you but surely you say “would C and D like to come over to our house on X date?”, rather than asking if I can host her for a sleepover.

I’m comfortable with having DD’s best friend sleeping over because they’ve known each other a long time, I know her parents very well etc. but I’m not at the stage of more than one child or even other children I don’t know as well sleeping over yet.

No way. I'd just say that I could cope with two but not with three as the dynamic really changes. I would hope that she didn't suggest her daughter came on her own on another day - if she did I'd have to tell her that her daughter had been unpleasant and that you didn't want to run the risk of that happening for your daughter in her own home.

Very pushy.. I’m impressed. If your dd changes her mind and wants to have her round another time fine, if not also fine. Three will be a crowd though for sure.

I think with the aim of keeping things civil in the future I’d be deliberately vague and say something like ‘oh sorry, we’ve got a few things going on this weekend so it won’t quite work but hopefully the girls can get together soon’.

Bright and breezy approach is best

"No problem to ask but I think best not thus weekend. Maybe another time "

Whoops! That makes more sense!

It’s cheeky but to be fair you don’t know how pushed she was to it- maybe her dd is really upset she wasn’t invited (and I mean really- it’s not something I’d ever do but I’ve been lucky with no real drama) I always tell the kids not to talk about play dates etc in school because it’ll upset someone