To think it’s rude that a girl’s mum is inviting her round to play with DD on a pre-existing play date?

[Unreaaass]

DD is in year 4 and has a very set best friend since nursery school. They tend to have weekly play dates and monthly sleepovers. This friend is coming over on Saturday for a play and a sleepover.

Also there’s another girl in DD’s class that, previously, DD had said was a bit mean and she didn’t like. This other girl and DD were in the same summer holiday club in August and DD said the girl had changed and she liked her now. So they played a bit at our house and the girl’s house (no sleepovers). Anyway, a few weeks ago DD said she doesn’t like this girl anymore as she’s back to being mean. DD had apparently told her “if you’re mean like that, I don’t want to play” and the girl kept doing it.

Anyway I have just looked at my phone and this girl’s mother has messsged “Hi A, could B come round for a play date and a sleepover on Saturday? She’s been hearing about C and D talking about it and she doesn’t want to miss out!” With lots of laughing and praying emojis.

I have two older daughters so I thought I’d heard it all! (Also DD having older sisters means she’s quite good at holding her boundaries and understanding play dynamics etc).

Anyway, DH says it’s fine for this mum to ask. Just say no. But then I look like the bad guy!

AIBU?

(I am going to say no, btw, as DD won’t want her to come.)

She’s not 4, she’s in year 4!

My first thought was how much the best friend would probably hate having someone butting into her special occasion! DD too, obviously, but the best friend never seems to get any say about things like this, and she might decide she didn't even want to come if PushyMum's child was going to be there. And that's a bit of a sad loss for both the actual friends, isn't it.

This is perfect

Following with interest as my daughter's (Y2) BFF is being bullied at school and her Mum has promised them their first sleepover soon to cheer her up. DD told me that this has made the bullies extremely angry and jealous, and one of them has tried to ban the whole thing unless she's invited (although how and why she thinks DD's BF's Mum and I are going to be put off by an uppity 7 yo telling us we're "not allowed", I'm not sure! 😂).

I have told DD to try not to talk about the sleepover at school as it's causing more issues between the girls and just keep it between her and BFF.

@Unreaaass I can not stand intrusive people. This woman is shameless and needs a firm no, whereby she never pushes themselves onto to others again!

I’m annoyed for you. YANBN.

Just say this!

Of course you can ask anything, but that doesn't mean it's not inappropriate, or just fucking rude. I could ask a stranger in a restaurant if I can have one of their chips, but I'd be a cheeky fucker if I did.

No no just no.

just be honest but kind. Oh no I’m really sorry your DD feels left out, but I can’t accommodate another one I’m afraid. Have a lovely weekend.

and then yes a gentle chat about being discreet to your DD.

its a minefield

Of course it's rude to ask someone if your child can come to their house and stay the night! (obviously not talking about grandparents or other close family)

Not only rude

Plain weird

I don't get why a parent would do that if they did not know the other family really well

I think she meant the girls are in year 4 not age 4. I had to do a double take 😂

Its not school ground nonsense, they're not friends, you dont have to be friends with everyone and I would be the mum dcoesnt know that they're not friends.

This is a perfect reply imo.

I can't believe how cheeky she is!

Gawd that's bad parenting from the mum who asked.
If her kid comes to her saying 'Aliya is sleeping over at Jane's house on Friday, I really want to go too!' she replied with something like
'Oh that's nice. I'm sure you can invite them both to a sleepover or tea soon. How about you invite (insert kid/s you think might be free) on Friday?'

Then if kid protests you reiterate we don't invite ourselves to other people's houses and can't go to everything! That she'll play with Aliya and Jane very soon.

Thats bold of you. No.

No, sorry.

No.

if say any one of those. Cheeky fuckers know exactly what they’re doing and they rely on you not knowing what to do in response.
Unfortunately for them I have no problem saying absolutely the fuck not. So they ask(with a tinkly laugh or cute emojis in your case) and I just flat out say no and we all just sit in the awkwardness until one of us blinks first. It’s never me.

Its shocking how entitled some people are.

I would just keep it neutral. Young kids fall out, it's perfectly normal. I don't see why one parent needs to say to the other that their kids aren't currently friends. They might be again in 2 weeks. A simple 'Sorry I can't manage it' is fair enough.

A simple.
No, sorry, that won't work for us.

Your DD obviously talks on about having bestie over. She risks offending others and setting up uncomfortable situations between her friends.

Three at a sleepover can be a nightmare in any circumstance. I’d prefer 4 than 3, if it ever came to it.

Yep. Three is always a crowd. Someone gets left out and upset

I agree with this. I think this was mum trying to point out that leaving one ‘friend’ out is a mean thing to do. However, in this situation it is being done for a reason, which gives OP the perfect opportunity to point out the problems her child is having with the other girl. I wouldn’t lie about it or make up an excuse, I’d be clear they aren’t getting on and the reasons why.

Children have to deal with all sorts outside the house but I would never have an unwanted or uninvited guest in my home.
I would reply and say, unfortunately that doesn’t work for you, I would not promise further options like play dates. Actually I would be wary of messages and how they are read.
If you meet this person at the school gates I would be inclined to say hi I got your message. Pause, blah blah cheeky script, you then say oh sorry we’re not open to other people staying the girls know each other for years, it works as it is .

I'd do this. She'll either have to drop it or explain that she was actually invite her daughter to your house, which would be very cringe.

Agree.

Just be honest OP. Say that her daughter has been upsetting your daughter and you think it’s best that they don’t have sleepovers for now. If the girls become friends in the future then it will be nice and you can arrange one.

really cheeky- especially as they’re only 9 to expect you to host her child on top of the one you’re already hosting

I agree with pp, something along the lines of

sorry, I won’t be doing group sleepovers for years yet, value my sleep far too much!

Why are yiu questioning PP's decision about her 4yr old having sleepovers?Not your business. She wasn't asking advice about the age sleepovers begin. And the cheek of her asking if you knew the Mum.