Dh made fun of my boundaries

[peachmom]

Tonight my dh tried to grope my boobs whilst the baby was asleep next to me. I have asked him so many times to not do it when the children are around as it makes me feel really uncomfortable. Tonight I added that it really triggers my ocd too and to please stop. He got up and said it’s not even that sexual and stormed out the room. I’m so upset and I have no clue how to handle this as he just doesn’t understands and emotional and mental health stuff at all. Please help a

He sounds revolting - I’d find this really awful and I wouldn’t be having any of it, he’d be out. It’s disgusting

Grim, nothing worse than a man who is jealous of a baby…because thats what this is. Baby gets attention so he has to have it.

He needs to get with the program or get lost

What a nasty arsehole

"It's not even that sexual"? Who gives a fuck, it's your body and you get to decide when/if someone else touches it.

“Get off me right now, why won’t you listen to me and stop doing this? I’ve made clear that it’s not okay!” Every single time. If he continues past that he can go sleep on the sofa and he can stay there. Set your boundaries in stone and don’t be afraid to get angry

He doesn’t have to understand or agree.

He does need to listen and respect what you are saying. Without question.

This isn’t something that needs to be discussed or debated etc and if he tries to then he is just showing what a pig he is.

I'm a lone voice here, but these responses are insane!

He's being a complete twat and it's right to let him know, but he's not a stranger touching OP up on the night bus!

(Yeah, yeah, I can hear you all now, chanting angrily about my internalised misogyny with your pitchforks and flames on sticks)

He got up and said it’s not even that sexual and stormed out the room.

It's not? Then why is he groping you when your kid is right there?

First, you have body autonomy. You decide who touches your body and when. That's it.

He thinks he has rights to your body. His storming out is to let you know he's mad that you have boundaries and his repeatedly doing this when you've asked him multiple times to stop is him ignoring your boundaries.

Is he sexually coercive?

I suggest you do the Freedom Program.

No he's not a stranger. He's someone OP should feel completely safe with, who should care about her comfort and enjoyment, and her boundaries around her body and their children.

She's told him. He did it anyway. You do know that's sexual assault. Actually legally.

So a stranger "touching you up" would be horrific, but the love of your life who is supposed to care about you doing it is just "being a twat"? I think it is indeed time for your nap.

That's not making fun of your boundaries, that's disrespecting your boundaries, and that's NOT okay

No pitchforks, just a face palm 🤦🏻‍♀️.

@peachmom - I think most (bar the odd idiot reply) will definitely say you’re not BU. Which will be good to know, but the difficulty is knowing how to actually deal with it. Do you have anyone IRL that you can talk to? It must be full on dealing with young ones and also this situation. If you don’t have anyone you can talk to IRL then please update the thread and I’m sure that others more knowledgeable than me can point towards helpful services. In the meantime, just know that you’re not wrong for feeling like this.

If its not sexual why didnt he grope your nose or your elbow or your shin?

It was sexual, and he didnt like you calling him out on him disregarding your feelings.

Father of your kids aside, this one is is not a keeper.

Let him storm off OP. Let him have his tantrum on his own. Stay strong, no means no. You are more than entitled to make the rules regarding your body.

Honestly, the emotional and mental health stuff isn’t even relevant. Nor is this a ‘boundary’. Let’s not cloud this with therapy speak and psychobabble.

You told him not to grope you, so he shouldn’t grope you. He isn’t entitled to your body. He is sexually assaulting you. Don’t be confused, be angry.

This sort of person is the reason marital rape wasn’t recognised as a crime in the U.K. until 1991. It’s terrifying that they still walk amongst us.

Lets be grateful he at least had some sense left & stormed off!!

OP this is not OK, do you feel safe?

otherwise aside from the groping, how is your relationship & his general behaviour towards you?

Is this just one symptom of a whole catalogue of potentially abusive behaviours? You don’t have to put up with that shit!!

This is what I came to say

I think, in a calm moment, you just say to him please don't touch my boobs any more unless we are being intimate, I don't enjoy it at the moment. I know you enjoy doing it so I will let you know when that changes.

And if he gets angry or refuses to listen, he is not a good partner and you should think about next steps.

Oh SORRY, he’s her partner, not a stranger so that makes it totally fine for him to grab her body in a way that she’s repeatedly asked him not too, and then get angry at her and storm out when she declines his “advance”!

OP, porn stars and pick-mes like the quoted poster are the reason men think they own their partner’s bodies and that the only good women are the ones who make themselves sexually available at all times.

It doesn’t matter that he’s not a stranger. She’s asked him to stop it and he continues.
Would it be ok if he had sex with her while she’s sleeping because he’s not a stranger? Where do you draw the line?

Jealous of the baby? Where ate👍 you getting that from?
He's out of line and disrespectful , but from what op describes he sounds horny not jealous!

I think @Isittimeformynapyet is getting a disproportionate amount of focus. My sense is that she was pointing out that the OP used the word "groping" to describe an attempt by her husband to fondle her upper body. Groping is a serious offence prosecuted as Sexual Assault under the Sexual Offences Act, so my reading is that @Isittimeformynapyet was pointing out that that choice of the word "groping" was perhaps not what OP wanted to express but signifies OP's understandable frustration with the situation.

OP needs to sit down with her husband and explain that she doesn't like to have physical intimacy while the baby/children are present. If OP is happy having physical intimacy with her partner, she should explain in which circumstances that is desired. Communication is the way to fix this.

If OP does truly view her husband as a dangerous serious sex offender, then she should contact domestic abuse charities, make a criminal complaint, and pursue formal separation.

He understands completely. He just doesn’t care. Sorry op but you are merely a sex doll appliance to him. Of course he’s angry when it doesn’t work properly.

The bullshit about ‘not even sexual’ would be laughable if it wasn’t so depressingly misogynistic. Why are you even with him and having children with him?