Page 3 | Dh made fun of my boundaries

MonetsLilac · Yesterday 07:45

Ratherhaveacupofteaandabiscuit · Yesterday 07:43

This actually makes it worse than a stranger because he is supposed to love and care about her but instead ignores her in favour of his own wants.

A relationship does not equal ownership of a partner’s body.

Also ”touching up” is very minimising language for sexual assault.

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Exactly 💯

LittleLifeNotes · Yesterday 07:46

peachmom · Yesterday 00:09

Tonight my dh tried to grope my boobs whilst the baby was asleep next to me. I have asked him so many times to not do it when the children are around as it makes me feel really uncomfortable. Tonight I added that it really triggers my ocd too and to please stop. He got up and said it’s not even that sexual and stormed out the room. I’m so upset and I have no clue how to handle this as he just doesn’t understands and emotional and mental health stuff at all. Please help a

I think one of the most important things in a relationship is respecting each other's feelings and boundaries. He doesn't have to fully understand why something makes you uncomfortable, but he should respect it when you ask him to stop. Especially when you've told him so many times already.

OneHazelBird · Yesterday 07:49

Isittimeformynapyet · Yesterday 00:28

I'm a lone voice here, but these responses are insane!

He's being a complete twat and it's right to let him know, but he's not a stranger touching OP up on the night bus!

(Yeah, yeah, I can hear you all now, chanting angrily about my internalised misogyny with your pitchforks and flames on sticks)

Do you not realise how disgusting it is to be doing sexual stuff in front of your children?

You obviously let your DH do things whilst they’re present which is repulsive.

My friend has been married for 20 years but she cannot have anyone touching her feet.
Her DH wouldn’t dream of touching her feet just because he’s not a ‘stranger on a bus’.

I wonder how your DH would feel if you bent him over and pretended to bum him in front of his friends or family - you’re not a stranger on a bus so he should let you right?

OneHazelBird · Yesterday 07:52

Whatevergoes2025 · Yesterday 07:12

in his eyes he was showing affection but got the context all wrong. Have a sit down and explain now the baby is here you aren’t up for grabs anymore, there needs to be the right time/right place approach. Easy.

Reread the OP - he’s done it multiple times and multiple times she’s told him how uncomfortable it makes her.

He’s not trying to show affection - he’s purposefully trying to upset her.

MonetsLilac · Yesterday 07:54

OneHazelBird · Yesterday 07:52

Reread the OP - he’s done it multiple times and multiple times she’s told him how uncomfortable it makes her.

He’s not trying to show affection - he’s purposefully trying to upset her.

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This ⬆️. Affection would be a cuddle or a kiss. This is about him believing that he has rights to her body and he doesn't respect her at all.

Neverstopwondering · Yesterday 07:55

If this is something you have spoken about before he is clearly in the wrong. It doesn't really matter if he understands mental health and emotional stuff, he understands yes and no doesn't he. Therefore I would be very impressed with his behaviour either.

EdithBond · Yesterday 07:57

MeowDoku · Yesterday 06:46

I work in criminal justice. Groping isn't a legal term nor an offence, sexual assault is. However what groping is, is unwanted sexual touching, which can constitute a sexual assault.

You also seem to think it's the OPs job to inform a man that it isn't normal or acceptable to just randomly grab someone's breasts. For a start that is never a woman's job, but if you actually read the OP she's already told him before not to do this in front of the children and yet he has again. That's an explicit refusal of consent. This is sexual assault. Being in a relationship with someone doesn't give them access to your body that you haven't consented to.

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OP, YANBU

Unfortunately, your DP is abusive, because he storms out when challenged on sexual assault.

It’s not for you to explain to a man why he shouldn’t sexually assault you in front of your children. He has to teach himself.

Beware of sunk cost fallacy. If he has that much to learn, what’s the upside to being with him?

letsgoanonforthis · Yesterday 08:26

My Ex used to grab my breasts even when asked/told/shouted at not to, I started grabbing his privates every time, in retaliation - he stopped pretty quickly after that.
It wasn't a good relationship (obviously)
note the use of the word 'Ex'

DrinkFeckArseBrick · Yesterday 08:29

Of course it's sexual. Otherwise people other than sexual partners (friends, parents, colleagues) would grope each others boobs. And even if it wasn't, if you've asked him not to touch you anywhere (eg 'stop ruffling my hair, I hate it) and he does it anyway then that's not ok

Wildgoat · Yesterday 08:32

DrinkFeckArseBrick · Yesterday 08:29

Of course it's sexual. Otherwise people other than sexual partners (friends, parents, colleagues) would grope each others boobs. And even if it wasn't, if you've asked him not to touch you anywhere (eg 'stop ruffling my hair, I hate it) and he does it anyway then that's not ok

He didn’t say it wasn’t sexual, he said it wasn’t that sexual, meaning extremely so based on her reaction, which I will add is fully justified, I’d kick my husband in the nuts if he randomly did that,

Pinkflamingo10 · Yesterday 08:49

this is sexual assault. You’ve repeatedly told him no and he keeps doing it ?
also sexual activity in front of children is gross, what’s wrong with him ?
sounds like he’s a man baby who is jealous of an actual baby
sounds like he is a sex pest who doesn’t understand bodily autonomy and consent
i couldn’t get over this at all it would be the end for me

Naunet · Yesterday 08:49

Isittimeformynapyet · Yesterday 00:28

I'm a lone voice here, but these responses are insane!

He's being a complete twat and it's right to let him know, but he's not a stranger touching OP up on the night bus!

(Yeah, yeah, I can hear you all now, chanting angrily about my internalised misogyny with your pitchforks and flames on sticks)

Ooooh, so when you know a woman really well, its not a big deal if you grope her even when shes asked you several times not to, and then sulk when she gets angry? Consent no longer really matters because husbands have rights, right?

Idiot.

Greenseawitch · Yesterday 08:58

Being married to you does not mean he is entitled to your body.

You had already made it clear to him that you don't want him to touch you in this way when your kids are around.

He chose to ignore that, then had a tantrum when you challenged him.

Frankly he sounds awful and I would not stay in a relationship with someone who has no respect for my wishes.

Hydrangeblueeyes · Yesterday 09:01

Isittimeformynapyet · Yesterday 00:28

I'm a lone voice here, but these responses are insane!

He's being a complete twat and it's right to let him know, but he's not a stranger touching OP up on the night bus!

(Yeah, yeah, I can hear you all now, chanting angrily about my internalised misogyny with your pitchforks and flames on sticks)

He is not a 'stranger on a night '. Therefore even more reason why he should respect the body and boundaries of the mother of his children.

glendabrownlow · Yesterday 09:13

Have you other children, OP? Do you plan on returning to work at some stage? I ask because in my experience things don't get better. You may have to start making long term plans.

FrauPaige · Yesterday 09:13

@LastOnePlease @MeowDoku @WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing

I'm not sure what you are arguing against so animatedly as I have merely suggested that OP take action.

If OP is reporting that she has been sexually assaulted, she should contact domestic abuse charities, make a criminal complaint, and pursue formal separation - as I said.

If OP would like to maintain a relationship with her partner, does not find him a physical threat to her safety, but would like him to stop attempting to initiate physical intimacy when the children are around - or at all - she should speak with him in a calm moment and explain that to him.

All depends on OP's individual circumstance.

nomas · Yesterday 09:18

I’m so upset and I have no clue how to handle this as he just doesn’t understands and emotional and mental health stuff at all.

He does understand. Does he grope his boss’s boobs? Or his colleague’s boobs? No. So he does understand consent. He thinks consent doesn’t apply to you because you”re his property.

He is training you to accept that his desires are more important. Don’t let him.

MeowDoku · Yesterday 09:30

FrauPaige · Yesterday 09:13

@LastOnePlease @MeowDoku @WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing

I'm not sure what you are arguing against so animatedly as I have merely suggested that OP take action.

If OP is reporting that she has been sexually assaulted, she should contact domestic abuse charities, make a criminal complaint, and pursue formal separation - as I said.

If OP would like to maintain a relationship with her partner, does not find him a physical threat to her safety, but would like him to stop attempting to initiate physical intimacy when the children are around - or at all - she should speak with him in a calm moment and explain that to him.

All depends on OP's individual circumstance.

She has already spoken to him to zero effect. His behaviour is not her responsibility.

It is also not your place to tell a victim she should report it through official channels. There are options available to her if she wishes to pursue them.

FrauPaige · Yesterday 09:34

MeowDoku · Yesterday 09:30

She has already spoken to him to zero effect. His behaviour is not her responsibility.

It is also not your place to tell a victim she should report it through official channels. There are options available to her if she wishes to pursue them.

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You're reaching! But good for you!

Greenmouldycheese · Yesterday 09:35

I agree and dont think breasts are sexual at all. Partner knows that I cant stand having them touched as I dont like the feeling so he doesnt do it. I agree that your partner is not a stranger etc, but he also knows you dont like it.

cartagenagina · Yesterday 09:38

Gropey men are 🤮. So sorry OP.

startthedaywithkindnesd · Yesterday 09:40

Isittimeformynapyet · Yesterday 00:28

I'm a lone voice here, but these responses are insane!

He's being a complete twat and it's right to let him know, but he's not a stranger touching OP up on the night bus!

(Yeah, yeah, I can hear you all now, chanting angrily about my internalised misogyny with your pitchforks and flames on sticks)

This

CamillaMcCauley · Yesterday 09:42

FrauPaige · Yesterday 09:13

@LastOnePlease @MeowDoku @WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing

I'm not sure what you are arguing against so animatedly as I have merely suggested that OP take action.

If OP is reporting that she has been sexually assaulted, she should contact domestic abuse charities, make a criminal complaint, and pursue formal separation - as I said.

If OP would like to maintain a relationship with her partner, does not find him a physical threat to her safety, but would like him to stop attempting to initiate physical intimacy when the children are around - or at all - she should speak with him in a calm moment and explain that to him.

All depends on OP's individual circumstance.

She has already told him numerous times not to do this.

CordwainerBird · Yesterday 09:44

OP needs to sit down with her husband and explain that she doesn't like to have physical intimacy while the baby/children are present.

Big red flag when this needs to be explained; fucking hell

itsadlibitum · Yesterday 09:46

Gross - what a turn off, a man fondling you while you are lying with your baby. And then getting petulant about it.