DH pushing to move house whilst I’m pregnant

[Movingornot2]

Hi all, I’ll try to lay the facts out here as clearly as possible so hopefully it will enable some objective views:

-DH and I live in our first home purchased in 2019. It is a detached 3 bed but on the small side. Living room/ kitchen downstairs, not a lot of space but liveable. Upstairs is our main room, a smaller room which would barely fit a double so we use as a dressing room/office and also a box room. Has a garden, in a great location etc.

-DH has been pushing to move since our DS was born two years ago. I know we need more space eventually but in the midst of newborn life I said it wasn’t the time.

-I’m now pregnant again. DH declared we must move as we don’t have the space as it is let alone with another DC on the way.

-I am already struggling with pregnancy symptoms and the thought of the stress of moving on top is unthinkable to me. DH says it will be worse having to move when we’ve got a newborn.

-I think we should wait until DC is a year or so old and then move. We will make do until then as they will be in with us in our room for much of that. It isn’t as if the house market is great either.

Would you agree to move now, or wait it out as I’ve suggested?

On paper I would be looking to move asap.

I would certainly start to plan to move now, have a good clear out etc. If you were then to end up moving in the later stages of pregnancy or soon after birth then the prep is done.

Could you possibly decamp to your parents with toddler (and baby if applicable) the day before the move, then return to the new house a couple of days later. Maybe a friend or family member would be prepared to help with the unpacking and putting stuff in to the appropriate rooms. Even if it's not entirely to your liking, it would be liveable and you can then rearrange a room at a time.

I vote move now. I’d rather move heavily pregnant and get out of all the stress and heavy lifting than wait till you have a new born

Definitely just move. Life doesn't get less chaotic once the baby is on the move.

Could you afford to have a moving company pack and unpack everything, and pay for a cleaning company to clean both the old and new house top to bottom?

That’s really the only way I could see that it’s feasible.

It would have made more sense to raise this discussion before getting pregnant, why didn’t he?

Move as soon as you can.

I can assure you things don’t easier with 2 kids.

Move now. Will be far more impossible with 2 young children under your feet. Also presumably you'll need a mortgage and you only have to tell them about the children that have been born. You'll find getting a mortgage easier with one child on paper compared to two.

Now. There will always be a reason to wait. If you couldn't handle it a couple of years ago with one young child, how is it going to be easier with two?

Are you able to buy a new house that he could move into and do up (if needed) before you give birth? That way once your new baby arrives you can all move into the new house and sell the old one.

Moving is never easy, I think you will always find an excuse to postpone it.

It’s a buyers market atm, I would get on with moving asap, and grab a bargain

It’s easier to move with just 1 child than 2. Take it from someone who moved transatlantic at 5 months pregnant with DC2 then again into rental to do building work when the baby was 6 months old! The first was so much easier. Just budget for packers and a cleaner.

How far along are you? I am really impatient so would want to get on with moving once I agreed it was needed. How easy will it be to sell? Is there any work needed? I would get DH to organise estate agent valuations and quotes, identify and sort anything needed to fix up the house to sell and work together to declutter. I would then figure out if moving before you give birth is actually even feasible and work from there

Chances of it happening to your husband’s time scale are pretty slim, I’d have thought.

I understand the nesting instinct and wanting to stay in your home. DH wanted to move when I was pregnant in 2020 (lockdown accelerated us outgrowing the space) I couldn't contemplate it as was a few months off due date, so we postponed putting the flat on the market until DD was 3 months old. We moved when she was 9 months. I really wasn't keen but DH was right and I'm so glad he pushed for it. But he also led the process ie did all the paperwork & solicitor/estate agent back & forth.

We did pay for a full packing service removal, which cost us about £800 extra but it was 100% worth it as packing everything up with a ~6 month old was completely beyond me.

Why are you wanting to wait until the baby is over a year old, when from what it sounds like, you’ve been agreement that you need to move for over two years, since your eldest was born? I’d be a bit frustrated if my DH agreed we needed to move and then ultimately wanted to put it off for 3-4 years.

We moved when I was pregnant, and it was a bit stressful just wanting to get it all done before the baby actually came. But definitely better than moving after she was born. And even if you did wait, why a whole year?

Move asap as in a years time esp if not working be harder to buy and much harder to organise with baby and toddler

means baby or even Possibly toddler will be in with you if box room has no 1

I would move now. If you’re in your first trimester that’s why you feel so crappy but it should ease off by the time you hit 14 weeks or so. It would will be a lot harder with two kids.

We would need the proceeds of this house to help move so that’s not an option.

Appreciate all comments. We’d need to turn it around in about 5 months which I’d imagine would be difficult.

I would certainly be starting the process now. You have no idea how long it will take to sell your house, and you didn't mention if you've seen a suitable property to buy, but that could take a while too.

We put our house on the market when DS1 was about 19 months old and DS not even thought of yet. We finally moved when DS2 was 3 months old, it took over a year of faffing with both buyers and sellers messing us around.

Even if you had an offer on yours and one accepted somewhere else you would be hard pushed to turn it around in 5 months. So just get the process started and see how long it takes.

He wanted to move with the first pregnancy, you said to wait, you waited two years, now your pregnant again, and presumably want to wait another 3 years? YABU. I would be very frustrated if i was your husband - and yes, i had awful pregnancies so i have sympathies with what you are feeling - nonetheless, sorry, YABU.

I’d move. In fact I did when pregnant, I had my son two weeks after we moved in. It was completely fine. I did insist that we paid movers to pack for us though, which worked really well and was worth every penny.

We put our old home on the market when I was around 30 weeks pregnant, accepted an offer within a week and had an offer accepted on the house we were buying a couple of weeks later. I thought I’d be moving with a newborn.

We didn’t move into our new home until my son was just over 1. Survey renegotiations, slow conveyancers, unexpected death & probate and serious damage occurring to the house we were buying all delayed the process.

It was hideous tbh, and I wish we hadn’t waited until I was so far along with the pregnancy. The bright side was that I was on maternity leave so even though it was stressful I wasn’t having to work on top!

It will be easier to move while pregnant than with a newborn!

Having moved house at 38 weeks pregnant with DS aged 18 months, I would say try and move before the new baby.

Juggling the jump to 2 dc is a battle in itself, and its more difficult to get child care for very little dc to make the time to pack.

Trying to pack with 2 dc who are at prime age for ‘helping’ by taking everything out of a box you just put in it or giving a choking hazard toy to smaller sibling while your back is turned putting everything back in the box is a complete nightmare. Then there is also the lack of sleep with 2 dc, that makes everything harder

I genuinely can't see any reason why you wouldn't move asap unless you actually have no intentions of moving at all? Although after so many years if I were your husband I would be starting to think that was true and you were just saying it without meaning it.

You could very easily be in your new home in 5 months time if you stop coming up with new excuses as to why you cannot move yet.

Move now! It’s also nice to settle and make connections where you have moved to if you have a newborn.

FWIW we wanted to move but got delayed and eventually moved when youngest was almost 1. I resent a little that my mat leave was spent house hunting and dealing with solicitors etc.

On the other hand get rid of your dressing room and put that stuff in your master bedroom and the kids both then have a room each and your problem is sorted.

You’ll be fine OP….we moved when I was 30 weeks with my 3rd and started some pretty big renovations straight away. I can understand your DHs frustration to be honest.