DH pushing to move house whilst I’m pregnant

[Movingornot2]

Hi all, I’ll try to lay the facts out here as clearly as possible so hopefully it will enable some objective views:

-DH and I live in our first home purchased in 2019. It is a detached 3 bed but on the small side. Living room/ kitchen downstairs, not a lot of space but liveable. Upstairs is our main room, a smaller room which would barely fit a double so we use as a dressing room/office and also a box room. Has a garden, in a great location etc.

-DH has been pushing to move since our DS was born two years ago. I know we need more space eventually but in the midst of newborn life I said it wasn’t the time.

-I’m now pregnant again. DH declared we must move as we don’t have the space as it is let alone with another DC on the way.

-I am already struggling with pregnancy symptoms and the thought of the stress of moving on top is unthinkable to me. DH says it will be worse having to move when we’ve got a newborn.

-I think we should wait until DC is a year or so old and then move. We will make do until then as they will be in with us in our room for much of that. It isn’t as if the house market is great either.

Would you agree to move now, or wait it out as I’ve suggested?

Moving when pregnant is unfortunately the norm! Trying to understand your concerns, are you particularly unwell during pregnancy? I am for the first half and we couldn’t move then, I wouldn’t be able to, but I have moved twice while pregnant in the later stages. Is your dh going to absolutely pull his weight? Thats also a requirement.

Much easier to move now- just do it!

We moved house when my baby was 2 weeks old. We knew that when we moved I would either be heavily pregnant or a few weeks postpartum and planned for that.

It was actually not that bad because we paid out for a moving company who packed it as well, and put all the furniture in the right rooms at the other end, assembled beds etc. We also paid for a cleaner.
Moving with a newborn is much easier than when they are mobile. On moving day I stayed at a friend’s house with the kids for most of the day, and waited for DH to tell me when to come to the new house.

I did find the stress of all the paperwork and decision-making difficult towards the end, but I let DH handle most of it because I found I just couldn’t focus on it, too many pregnancy hormones mushing my brain by that point.

The 3 year old on the other hand was much harder work than the new baby! But in the end the extra space was great and we were really glad we did it. And it was kind of nice nesting with new baby knowing we would be there for a good long time.

Stop moaning and move already

He’s right though, it will be impossible with a newborn.

You’re either looking at moving now or in about 3-4 years. And at that point you’ll be moving the eldest’s primary school too possibly.

If you don’t want to move at all, that’s valid. But you have to tell him that.

maybe let him get floor plans, photos , EPC and have it with agent ready to go, so when you say im ready and up for this you can just switch it live. He could be thinking you'll never be ready, but it will give him a boost and know if you see something you like, even in a year, you have some of the faff done. easier to do photos of house now than with new born clobber everywhere. also you dont have to do anything else until youre truly ready. all the best with your pregnancy and birth x

I’d move in those circumstances but I did for a variety of reasons on my 3 pregnancies. I completely agree with your DH that it is far easier to move before the child comes.

I presume that was part of the reason you did not move in the last two years before getting pregnant because it is very hard work with a baby.

We were in a similar position when I was pregnant with my son, we could have made it work in our old house but it would have inevitably been cluttered and things like storing a pram would have been hassle. I was a bit on the fence but so glad we moved, and it’s been lovely raising my son in our ‘forever home’ and having the long-term neighbours see him grow, join groups locally, get to know the kids that will ultimately be in his class, etc. I do get your trepidation however so think that there are a few things to seriously consider and discuss as a team:

• what are the implications for your first child, who will already be having upheaval. On one hand, you might not want to add to a potentially tricky time but on the other, the older he gets the more attached he will be to local friends and what he knows which might limit where you can look for houses
• what type of house are you looking for and how many of these are there in locations you would be willing to move to
• how quickly is your house likely to sell and is anything needed to ‘tidy it up’ first
• could you afford movers to do the packing for you and make sure everything is put in the new house correctly? This was an absolute lifeline for us and tbh if you can’t afford that I don’t think you should be moving at this point
• relatedly, if baby comes and move is looking, could you afford an Airbnb for a few days between so you can have a base whilst everything set up? We did this and it was a bit odd being somewhere that wasn’t a home but practically made me and baby able to stay separate
• what work are you willing to do and who do you have to help (paid or unpaid)
• what do you want your mat leave to look like? Will it genuinely be better in a house that really does sound too small and with a move looming and all the admin and upheaval of constant viewings (and tidying for them)? Personally, I was glad to have this behind me when baby came and to be in a new home (even if the walls weren’t necessarily my first choice of colour)
• what are the finances? One of the reasons we moved was because we knew we looked better to mortgage lenders pre-Mat leave salary and gave me flexibility to be part time after once we knew we could afford it, whereas we would have a lower offer now which would limit choices (but obviously main thing is affordability)

personally, I am so thrilled we moved even though it was stressful at the time it set us up better for the first stages of baby. We actually moved two weeks after my son was born, which I think was about as bad as it could be really but it wasn’t THAT bad, and worth it long term for sure

On average it’s takes 12 weeks to from offer to sale complete m. So you would have to get yours up and sold quickly- the market is quiet at the minute so you might find you sell quickly! I would be marketing your house as a first time buyer/starter home to get it sold fast.

do you work? Will you be taking a hit on income with maternity leave and would this you struggling with what will be higher outgoings? If the answer to this is yes it’s better to struggle for 6 months but then start the sales process then. Not after a year or so. If you would still be financially ok while you on maternity leave then do it now

Move now and get professional packers so do everything. That's what we did - we had actually planned to move before the baby arrived but ended up moving when he was a few weeks old! Was no stress at all as everything was done for us.

I moved with a 2.5 year old and a 6 month old baby. My husband was working away the week of the move! Yes it was hard but my gosh - the added extra space made it instantly feel like a lovely dream. So the stress was immediately countered. It was easier because I just strapped the baby to me all day whilst I directed the removal men. I did pay for packing and unpacking. The removal men were briefed with putting the cot, beds and essentials up first. They were amazing because I was on my own doing it. It would have been much worse with a toddler and a five year old.

Move now. If you failed to move for two years after your first child was born, how do you think it is going to be easier with a two year-old and a baby? You will use that as an excuse for another couple of years by which time your eldest will have started school and you will decide that limits the area of your new house search. There’ll always be some reason why “now” is not a good time! Your house is also going to look more cluttered for sale if you have all the stuff from a child plus baby everywhere in your existing house.

We were given notice from our rental when I was 6 months pregnant. We viewed 15 houses over 2 days and picked one to buy with no chain. Got in 3 weeks before baby was due, 8 weeks start to finish. The last few days before we had to leave involved calling the solicitors for updates multiple times a day. It was the most stressful time of my life, thinking I’d have no home for my baby! House purchases seem to take forever these days though. Do it now, or wait until after baby is born, I don’t recommend waiting until the very end of your pregnancy!

Personally I'd think about how your DS would cope with 2 such big life changes hard on the heels of each other. Only you know him and can take a view. There may be something to be said for waiting to see how he adapts to his new sibling and having less of your time/attention (an inevitable consequence) before moving house as well.

Way easier when pregnant than with small kids. We moved house previously when I was pregnant with #2. Took possession when I was around 38 weeks from memory. We even moved ourselves, gluttons for punishment. All fine though, was glad to be in the new space

You moved yourselves?!!

I’ll be 32 weeks and we’re paying for a packing service as well as movers!

I am reassured by all the people who have moved when pregnant - I’ve been thinking we’re crazy but maybe it’s just how life goes!

If he'll spare you as much of the extra stress as possible, then yes, I'd start the ball rolling now. It won't be easy at any time, but it has to happen eventually. The sooner you start, the sooner it will all be done.