DH pushing to move house whilst I’m pregnant

[Movingornot2]

Hi all, I’ll try to lay the facts out here as clearly as possible so hopefully it will enable some objective views:

-DH and I live in our first home purchased in 2019. It is a detached 3 bed but on the small side. Living room/ kitchen downstairs, not a lot of space but liveable. Upstairs is our main room, a smaller room which would barely fit a double so we use as a dressing room/office and also a box room. Has a garden, in a great location etc.

-DH has been pushing to move since our DS was born two years ago. I know we need more space eventually but in the midst of newborn life I said it wasn’t the time.

-I’m now pregnant again. DH declared we must move as we don’t have the space as it is let alone with another DC on the way.

-I am already struggling with pregnancy symptoms and the thought of the stress of moving on top is unthinkable to me. DH says it will be worse having to move when we’ve got a newborn.

-I think we should wait until DC is a year or so old and then move. We will make do until then as they will be in with us in our room for much of that. It isn’t as if the house market is great either.

Would you agree to move now, or wait it out as I’ve suggested?

Your DH is right. The logical and practical decision is to move now.

The transition from 1 to 2 children is a lot. You are underestimating how much harder it will be once baby no.2 is born.

Going against the grain but I'd wait. The amount of housing chains that have collapsed round me recently is mad. Moving house is one of the most stressful things you can do, it's out of your control, there are always delays etc. I know a few people who wanted to move before their baby and ended up moving the week they had the baby and had to come home with boxes everywhere etc. I also know someone who gave birth early and blamed the stress of moving in the last few weeks of pregnancy.

I'd be open to trying to move eg putting in offers and telling your buyers and the people you're buying from that it's done in 3 months or no deal. But if it isn't progressing I'd be just walking away

Also you have a three bed detached. It might not be massive but it doesn't sound awful, it's not like you're living in a two bed flat

In this situation , we moved whilst I was pregnant. I'd have found moving with a toddler and young baby worse,

Would you have help if you mobed later? Eg would toddler be at nursery and could someone look after the baby?

I think your DH is right.

I moved when 9 months pregnant with our first. My parents told me we weee crazy, dangerous for the baby etc etc.

I’m so glad we did because although I was heavy and slow and tired then, I didn’t get a full night’s sleep for the first 3 years of that child’s life. I was never so tired before or since.

You’ve kind of messed up leaving it until this point anyway, so you’re just going to have to throw money at it now (5k more than asking to secure sale, removals firm to box and unbox etc). Poor planning on your part but it is what it is. Do it now because a baby and a small child in a too tight space when one of you has been saying for years you need to move…well, those are arguments you don’t need to be having.

Honestly I’d move while pregnant if possible.

I’ve moved twice while pregnant. Once we got in just two weeks before I gave birth we still had boxes all around but I’d rather that than trying to move after.

Id get the ball rolling. If you can throw money at it do it. Pay someone to pack up the house and unpack it. Professional cleaners.

Also being heavily pregnant is a good excuse to not have to carry the heavy things or clean.

But dc1 is starting nursery
Dc1 is starting primary
Dc1 is starting high school
DC is doing GCSE
DC is doing a levels

20 years later and you're still in a house that's too small for you

I moved house with a two year old and 38 weeks pregnant.
Baby went over due by nearly two weeks,so was perfect as I was well settled in the new home by the time baby arrived.
It was absolutely fine ..but I was younger then ..I think 26 ,so it wasn't really an issue,I wasn't tired and had bags of energy.
I definitely think for me it was easier moving with one child and pregnant,than moving with two

This is ridiculous. Just get on with it.

I fail to comprehend why you haven’t done this already or what you are prevaricating about. Your poor DH. He must be beside himself frustrated.

There has to be a reason you have put DH and DS through this, AND feel it’s acceptable to wait another two-three years.
Are you somebody that simply doesn’t like change or are you concerned by finances? What’s actually going on OP?

He's not the one who'd have to move when pregnant / postpartum, so I think it's for you to decide. I also don't think your living conditions sound dreadful. A 3 bed detached house with 2 young children is fine.

You live in my dream home now and lots of my peers. Have two kids and work from home in a two bedroom flat in London! That said there is no harm in putting it on the market to see

There will never be a perfect time, do it now, tell DH he will have to do the heavy lifting actually and figuratively, once you are in you will wonder why you didn't do it sooner.

I have a friend who moved house 3 days after giving birth. Just the way the dates ended up rather than specifically planned. She said it wasn’t that bad. She got to sit with the baby and direct all her family who were helping with the move. How many helpers do you have?

I would definitely prefer to move when pregnant than with a small baby. I say this as someone who moved when 38 weeks pregnant.

The sheer amount of stuff in a small place with a baby and a toddler would drive me insane.

Hmmm yes, it absolutely does sound like the DH and DS have been through the most distressing ordeal here.

I moved pregnant and with a toddler. However, moved into a very clean and decorated home. Would not have been up for any work or deep cleaning. Lady we bought from was obsessively clean and we had movers and packers. Would do a nice easy move, but not a hard one or wait.

-I think we should wait until DC is a year or so old and then move.

This doesn't stack up with you previously not wanting to move when your DC1 was a newborn. You've refused to move between DC1 and getting pregnant so why would you suddenly be fine to move when you have another newborn plus an older DC to juggle. Nope, I think your DH is right to get on with it now. It's always stressful and there's always something, but better to get on with it before you're back in the newborn blur and have the nursery/schools applications on the horizon adding to the stress. Crack on and find a place in catchment for primaries and secondaries you like then you can get settled and not move again.

I think it depends on how much your DH is going to expect you to do. Will you be expected to do all the organising and packing etc? If your husband is able to do most of it then I think fine, but I am 25 weeks pregnant with number 3 and am so achey, forgetful and out of breath all the time that I would struggle to help out much with a house move at the moment if it was me.

It’s not going to be any easier to move with two preschoolers, just get it done

Move now, but I do understand your reluctance!

It depends how you are with pregnancy.

We moved with a 15 month old and a 3 year old. Having to get the house viewing ready with baby and toddler was difficult - people want to view after work ie at witching hour. So broadly I am with your husband.

However if you are really ill with pregnancy and barely holding it together then maybe not.

If you do it now make sure he takes on the lion's share of cleaning and tidying for viewings.

You are pregnant, not ill. Plenty of women move when they are pregnant or have just had a baby.

You are pregnant, not on deaths door.

Get it done, or you probably never will.