To be put out by friend and her ‘influencing’ attempts

[Tenhuy]

One of my closest friends has started posting more influencer style type things on Instagram, and has grown a couple of thousand followers. Shopping hauls, getting ready videos and family days out etc. She is open about wanting it to grow to the point she could earn money. Fine - each to their own.

I do feel like it is having a bit of an impact on our friendship and don’t know if I am being unreasonable to mention it - hence the question!

The straw which broke the camels back is a couple of weeks ago when we had arranged to meet on a Thursday evening at a shopping centre for a look around and a restaurant dinner. The day before, she excitedly called me and said she had been given a ‘PR invite’ to attend the soft opening of a new fast food takeaway there - basically a noodle chain. She said I could go with her and it was when we were at the shopping centre anyway.

She picked me up and when we parked up had to film an introduction for a post, then filmed our walk in, asked me to film her walking in etc. She then filmed the takeaway unit and was given a free meal - again, filmed herself eating this and commenting. I wasn’t given any of the food and was waiting around for her to finish.

We then looked around the shops and she said she wasn’t hungry enough for our planned restaurant meal and could I grab something quick instead from one of the other fast food units so she could get home to edit the video as she was told to post it by the following lunchtime.

I suppose her counter to me being a bit annoyed would be that I’d support her if I was a true friend. The other minor annoyances have just been filming everything to an annoying extent, ‘oh hold off eating so all the dishes are in shot’ or ‘we need to do a cheers first’…

Opinions welcome!

If she’s treating it like a job then taking you along is the equivalent of you ‘popping into the office’ while out shopping and have her sit and watch while you go to a meeting or respond to emails etc. Very different to actively spending time with your friend.

I think you’re fine to say ahead of any meet ups that you don’t want to be filmed and won’t be doing any filming of her.

Also (and I say this as someone who’s done it because my patience ran out), 100% say no to waiting to eat your food until everything staged and they can take their insta photos. 1 - it’s beyond boring, 2 - if they faff like my friend did your dinner is going to be cold and 3 - it’s bloody rude to demand everyone wait. Tell her to take her photos of her own food only and crack on with yours.

It's wrong of her to spring a situation like that on you. You'd planned a restaurant meal and it turned into you getting roped in to filming her and then not getting to go for the meal you'd planned. I think most people would be annoyed by that.

If she’s treating it like a job then taking you along is the equivalent of you ‘popping into the office’ while out shopping and have her sit and watch while you go to a meeting or respond to emails etc. Very different to actively spending time with your friend.

this is so true! I bet she and many other people haven’t thought about it like that.

You’re her friend, not her assistant. I love supporting my friends small businesses but that usually means likes and shares, purchases etc, not watching them do their tax return.

This is the problem with some influencers. They want to get paid but don't behave in a professional manner - then want special treatment. I've never asked any of my friends to help me with my job!

You basically went to work with her and it sounds like a crap evening. Not a big deal though. You tried it, didn't like it so don't do it again. Next time clarify that it will be a normal evening out.

Honestly OP I think you are seeing a side to your friend that you probably were unaware existed. The whole " influencer" think is just so exploitative and repugnant I think I would be cooling the friendship and let her get on with it.

Op, you said she’s one of your closest friends so I’d give her a chance rather than just drop her. I would say it wasn’t much fun for you, give her your perspective and suggest she contacts you when she wants to have a normal friendship, where she considers your feelings, not one in which she’s exploiting you. If she suggests you’re not being supportive you could just say being supportive to a friend doesn’t involve giving your valuable social time to act as an unpaid assistant and then going hungry.

I would have a word with her about how disappointed you were, if she isn't otherwise inconsiderate it might just be the excitement of her growing venture and the opportunity got the better of her good judgement on this occasion.
Good friends are supportive of other friends, but if she's a good friend too she will understand that it wasn't okay to essentially pie off your plans for something advantageous to her, but at your cost.
She really should have said 'can we rearrange our plans? I have this cool opportunity? I'll make it up to you.'
Do you think she was showing off to you, hence why you were roped in?

being supportive to a friend doesn’t involve giving your valuable social time to act as an unpaid assistant and then going hungry

This. That's just beyond tedious.

I don’t blame you for being annoyed op!

I think your friend’s mistake is mixing business with pleasure and not making it clear to you that this noodle event was the former, and not asking whether you wanted to be involved or not. So you both went with completely different expectations.

Back in the day this was Tupperware parties or selling Avon make up. Selling opportunities masquerading as social events. Hideous!

It was quite rude of your friend to dash off when you hadn’t eaten as well.

I think I would give her another chance as she may be a bit over-excited about her new project.

But when the next invitation arrives, say that you are happy for her with her new business venture; but you miss her as a friend and from now on could you meet without a phone camera in the way?

Also, you could initiate a meet-up without vlogging or screens too Op?

The ONLY influencers I follow are people who actually have a job and influencers on the side. The ONLY beauty people I follow are actual doctors who are well established.
Any idiot can pick up a camera and call themselves an influencer. I would end this friendship because she used you so blatantly.

I think it’s reasonable to say no working when ye catch up. Up to her if she wants to put her phone down to save the friendship.

I rather think my Inner Curmudgeon would have been unleashed.

Ask ahead, will we be working or shopping/having a day out?

And be an unreliable prop. Don’t dress the part, occasionally do a bad job when asked to film her, eat your food before she gets a photo.

I think as a one off I’d let it slide but in the future I’d be explicit that you want to see her when she’s not working.

Ask how much she’s paying you!

She is taking advantage of you, and treating you like her assistant.

What are you getting out of this?

A friendship is meant to work both ways, next time she asks you to participate, tell her no.

It's hardly special treatment.

Just be clear with her on your boundaries. You don’t want to meet up if she is planning on filming or working

Oh good lord, you are sooooooooo not BU.

I look back longingly on the days before this shite was even dreamt about when people could just do and enjoy things in the moment without constantly thinking about how it'll look online to their sheep followers.

I guess life is full of fads and phases and hopefully the influencer thing is another one. Maybe (hopefully) one day it'll just eat itself but until them I'd be avoiding the nightmare of a friend like the plague.

There's a difference though. A friend or neighbour would invite you to their Tupperware party, so you knew exactly what you were letting yourself in for before you even got there. I used to enjoy them, and the Tupperware itself was really rather good. I still use some of mine on a daily basis and it is well over 30 years old. Avon and Betterware - catalogue through the door followed up a few days later. Buy or don't buy, there was no hard sell.

‘In what possible way do you imagine this is fun for me?’

@Tenhuy if it were me, when my friend told me the day before, I think I might have said,

"Wow, I'm really delighted to hear you have this invite. It sounds like you need to give it your full attention. I'll let you crack on and we can meet up afterwards or get together another day instead - what works best for you? I'll be really looking forward to hearing how it goes and seeing your posts."

Instead, it sounds as though you went along with something you didn't really want to do, without saying that you didn't want to do it.

What do you do for work? Ask her if she wants to watch you do it. Then when she says er, no, explain that's what she got you to do the other night. Obviously this only works if you don't have an interesting job like actor or barrister but spend the day getting irritated by zoom calls and emails like the rest of us.

YANBU because she's just being rude! She took you to a restaurant where she got a free meal and you didn't get anything; I can't believe she didn't say something like, "we'll get one for you too and split the cost" or even "yours is on me because you're helping me with work."

Really, she should have arranged to meet you after she'd done her work as anyone with a normal job would. And I would say that I don't want her filming our social outings for work: I don't want my friendship to be used for someone else's profit.