To be put out by friend and her ‘influencing’ attempts

[Tenhuy]

One of my closest friends has started posting more influencer style type things on Instagram, and has grown a couple of thousand followers. Shopping hauls, getting ready videos and family days out etc. She is open about wanting it to grow to the point she could earn money. Fine - each to their own.

I do feel like it is having a bit of an impact on our friendship and don’t know if I am being unreasonable to mention it - hence the question!

The straw which broke the camels back is a couple of weeks ago when we had arranged to meet on a Thursday evening at a shopping centre for a look around and a restaurant dinner. The day before, she excitedly called me and said she had been given a ‘PR invite’ to attend the soft opening of a new fast food takeaway there - basically a noodle chain. She said I could go with her and it was when we were at the shopping centre anyway.

She picked me up and when we parked up had to film an introduction for a post, then filmed our walk in, asked me to film her walking in etc. She then filmed the takeaway unit and was given a free meal - again, filmed herself eating this and commenting. I wasn’t given any of the food and was waiting around for her to finish.

We then looked around the shops and she said she wasn’t hungry enough for our planned restaurant meal and could I grab something quick instead from one of the other fast food units so she could get home to edit the video as she was told to post it by the following lunchtime.

I suppose her counter to me being a bit annoyed would be that I’d support her if I was a true friend. The other minor annoyances have just been filming everything to an annoying extent, ‘oh hold off eating so all the dishes are in shot’ or ‘we need to do a cheers first’…

Opinions welcome!

Yup, a friend started in 2018 and still has a part-time ‘normal’ job to supplement income now. Another is a fitness influencer and still works 70% as a real-life fitness instructor alongside content creation.

Next time tell her it's not bring a friend to work day. I'm sure she wouldn't want you to bring her to your work to wait around for you either.

Unclench! Her friend isn’t a drug dealer or a sex worker ffs. There is nothing legally or morally wrong about what she’s doing. She has a passion and she’s pursuing it. Many people would not be brave enough to put themselves out there online for public scrutiny.

Whether she’s proud of her friend or not, it costs nothing to be kind and supportive to your friends.

I’m not clenched @LVPLVT , I’m just quite old and have no patience for self-obsession. I wouldn’t enjoy being friends with people like that. What’s ‘brave’ about putting videos of yourself on the internet? The world and his wife seem to be doing it. 😂 Bravery is working as a firefighter or paramedic or in a children’s hospice.

I’m only sharing my opinion, just as you are. Tis what MN is for after all.

That's not fun is it. I think you can either tell her you dont like it and you want to spend proper time together ifvthe friendship is goingbto continue. or say if she feels she hasnt time for you anymore then it's time to go your separate ways.

I'd make sure it doesn't happen again. She surely could've preempted that she'd not want to eat two meals in quick succession! If that was me, I'd have gone along to the restaurant, ordered something small and a drink and still had a meal (of sorts) with you. I think that part is unfair. Other than that, if I were you I'd just decline any similar invitations from now on, and make it clear you're supportive of her ventures but not interested in being a part of it.

“There is nothing … morally wrong about what she’s doing.”

Yes there absolutely is. Influencers just encourage overconsumption of clothes, accessories, homeware etc that we just don’t need. They’re paid to entice people to buy things. Haul videos are easy content. There’s a huge environmental issue from the manufacturing and distribution pollution and the landfill from all this excess consumption. It also adds to mental health issues due to people feeling their lives aren’t matching up to the people they see online.

I would say that I don't really want to go on any more 'work trips' with her but that I'd love to catch up when she has a day off and is free to socialise. Same as any job. She's being highly annoying.

I don't know any (would be) influencers so I'd be fascinated by it all! Well, as a one off

I expect it’s more a case of her getting herself out there, get known, network etc. I doubt she cared about some cheap noodles.

OP’s friend got some free noodles and made a video about it. She hasn’t hurt anyone. You are stretching.

She’s hurt OP though.

do you usually send business style messages to your friend? this is incredibly formal for how most people speak to their mates!

Also it's not fair to expect OP to have some psychic insight about what was going to happen. Her friend told her they were meeting to go shopping and for a meal together. It was then changed slightly to popping into this takeaway but presented to her as a short thing, not that it would involve a protracted amount of filming, that OP would be expected to stand around and watch her eat, that the friend would then not want to go for food again and would also need to go home early.

You're expecting OP to have magically realised that her friend had completely changed their plans without being told. OP literally said the only things her friend has done before has asked to cheers/take a photo before eating - i.e. things that are a bit annoying but take minimal time and don't impact the pre-arranged plans in any way - how was she supposed to know this time would be so different?

I really don't get the whole influencer thing. From the business POV I can see the rationale - the actual cost to them of the noodles was probably less than a quid per portion even if they'd charge a tenner to normal customers, so a good outlay if you can guarantee positive publicity.

But from the POV of the prospective customer I'm only put off by influencers who get freebies. Firstly because there is absolutely no guarantee the thing they are advertising is any good. I very much doubt even if they were the worst noodles OP's friend had ever eaten she would have posted anything other than a glowing review. Secondly because it just pisses me off that I'm expected to pay full price so other people can get theirs for free!

I don’t know any influencers, but I’ve always been kind of fascinated about what makes a randomer like you or me decide that other people need to regularly follow them.

What’s the thinking behind it? Is it a sense of genuinely wanting to be a helpful source of information? Is it a sense of self-importance and ego? Is it both? Before social media you only really saw recommendations on TV from often genuinely recognised experts, rather from the lady on Insta who lives a couple of doors down and wants to give you her lifestyle tips.

There is actually, because you were snarky to me in your (unoriginal) post and for some reason believe that your sKiLlz far surpass mine, though you are yet to demonstrate it.

What you are progressing is a very immature argument. A) influencers promote excessive buying B) it ends up in a landfill C) results in significant global harm. Influencers = Immoral.

Except, it doesn’t stand up to basic scrutiny. Every person to some extent contributes to it. We buy things that aren’t strictly necessary, we use plastic, we consume advertisers content (either in the form of social media use or adverts on the TV/radio) etc etc. We are all cogs in this machine. If you consider anyone who plays a part, no matter how small, to be immoral because there is some causal link (no matter how distant) you’ve lost all sense of perspective.

I said in my post that what OP’s friend has done isn’t illegal nor immoral, and you are performing Olympic standard gymnastics to make it so. Use some of those critical thinking skills which are supposedly bountiful and figure it out.

I like people with hobbies and skills. Food iin restaurants is so subjective so best avoided IMO. Freebies are best declined unless it's something you genuinely needed or really loved. Companies I have heard do give you a choice.

Cheers for what? You didn't even get any food. Rude, boring and narcissistic on her part.

In answer to your question OP, I think you can support friends without being expected to compromise on agreed plans at short notice just to suit them.

£10.00 of noodles made me 😂

No sorry, that long post doesn’t explain why there was a need to be so rude.