To be put out by friend and her ‘influencing’ attempts

[Tenhuy]

One of my closest friends has started posting more influencer style type things on Instagram, and has grown a couple of thousand followers. Shopping hauls, getting ready videos and family days out etc. She is open about wanting it to grow to the point she could earn money. Fine - each to their own.

I do feel like it is having a bit of an impact on our friendship and don’t know if I am being unreasonable to mention it - hence the question!

The straw which broke the camels back is a couple of weeks ago when we had arranged to meet on a Thursday evening at a shopping centre for a look around and a restaurant dinner. The day before, she excitedly called me and said she had been given a ‘PR invite’ to attend the soft opening of a new fast food takeaway there - basically a noodle chain. She said I could go with her and it was when we were at the shopping centre anyway.

She picked me up and when we parked up had to film an introduction for a post, then filmed our walk in, asked me to film her walking in etc. She then filmed the takeaway unit and was given a free meal - again, filmed herself eating this and commenting. I wasn’t given any of the food and was waiting around for her to finish.

We then looked around the shops and she said she wasn’t hungry enough for our planned restaurant meal and could I grab something quick instead from one of the other fast food units so she could get home to edit the video as she was told to post it by the following lunchtime.

I suppose her counter to me being a bit annoyed would be that I’d support her if I was a true friend. The other minor annoyances have just been filming everything to an annoying extent, ‘oh hold off eating so all the dishes are in shot’ or ‘we need to do a cheers first’…

Opinions welcome!

Chalk it up and don’t repeat the experience. I had a friend who was a therapist who worked alone. I realised this wasn’t working out for me after 3 hours of listening, on the strength of one herbal teabag. It’s great to have passion, but it has be mutually beneficial. We’re all busy!

Really? Faffing around asking your friend to film you, making her wait (with no food) whilst you eat, then refusing to go the planned nice restaurant? That's not a normal lunch date with a friend.

She needs to give her head a shake. A friend of mine is (totally accidentally) a reasonably big influencer in a particular demographic and while we talk about some of the fun stuff she gets offered, she has never ever been ‘at work’ in terms of making content when we’ve met (to be fair the venues I can afford to go to probably couldn’t afford her to work for them, so it’s never come up 😄😄)

I've only voted YANBU because you're not unreasonable to feel that way when you're just catching up with mates.
She was working - bit crap of her to have you tag along and then ditch before your restaurant meal because she'd filled herself full of noodles.
She should have done her stuff and met up with you another time.

I’d say something like “shame we didn’t get the chance to socialise like we’d planned, let me know when you aren’t doing any of your influencing work so we can rearrange that catch up”.

One of my dearest friends is a really succesful influencer, IRL she is the lovliest, kindest, most generous person you could imagine but if you saw her Insta you'd probably find her quite annoying (I def did). I was starting to find her online persona really irritiating so I just stopped following her and we're good (not that she had any idea we weren't ;)

What she does always point out is that Instagram her, is her job, it's what she gets paid and needs to be a particular way online so your friend is probably just doing the same.

When I was younger, there was only one thing worse than being a poseur, and that was being a sell-out. Influenzas are both.

I'd be put out too. Run for the hills.

I can’t wait for the day people get fed up and ignore influencers

I do get that, although my friend wasn’t paid other than being ‘gifted’ some £10 noodles!

Just say you'll meet her as a friend but haven't got the time to be part of her influencer attempts.

Best to tell her to keep work and genuine social interactions separate. Then see how that goes, hopefully she’ll realise it’s not fun (or reasonable) for you to be trailing her while she’s at work.

Ergh this would annoy me so much!

A million years ago, I had a friend who worked for a large hotel chain, and she was a restaurant ‘tester’ (I don’t remember the exact job title). She spent a lot of time trying out hotels within the chain and their restaurants. I would sometimes tag along, but it became very tedious because she had to complete long, handwritten documents, analysing aspects of the food, presentation, service etc. We never got to chat and she was definitely in ‘work mode’. I enjoyed the food, but I realised that I preferred to spend time with her when she wasn’t working, and that a free meal wasn’t worth it.

I don’t think I could ever be friends with an influencer though. The thought of me or my DC ending up in their posts or videos just horrifies me.

Yeah it's a hard one because I would be happy to be minorly inconvenienced to help out a friend. If you're into being an influencer it's probably a big deal to get invited to your first even like that.

BUT having every social outing with a friend turned into some sort of performance would of course be incredibly grating.

There are some local people I vaguely know trying to be influencers and I don't know how I feel (not that it matters how I feel, nothing to do with me) but I do find the desperation for attention a bit uncomfortable to watch, but I also can't stop watching. I try to give some likes but it's a bit begrudgingly and I don't know why. I want to help people where I can but I don't know why anyone would want to.live like that.

I don't think there's anything wrong with saying you don't want every outing to revolve around her influencing. Maybe offer to film her here and there, if she's a really good friend but you need to see her without feeling like her staff.

Thing is, with the work landscape changing so much, it has become a viable way to earn money ( if you‘re reasonably good at it).

I'm old enough to see that the concept of 'influencers' is trash, they're really just a load of boring people pandering to their own egos.

In other words she was begging, just like the poor souls living on the streets.

I'd simply remember this and the next time she invites you to participate in one of her influencer events, just say no, you are happy to pospone your appointment until she is free. Bring up this one and how you didn't enjoy it.
If you go somewhere like a shopping trip and it turns into an influencer activity for her where she spends all her time filming, just say you don't want to wait around watching her filming so will do your own thing and to call you when she is done and is available to hang with you.
Refuse to film her at any time on the basis you are relaxing and don't enjoy it.

I wouldn’t and the friendship but before you see her next ask if she’s planning on making any content as you’re not up for that - then if she tries to do it again you can say ‘I thought we agreed this wasn’t a work event’ and leave

This
You’ve basically been a PA @Tenhuy

In what world did she think this would be fun for you exactly? She didn’t consider your feelings at all in any of this. As others have said, if she wants this to become a job then she’s dragged you along to work when it was supposed to be a catch up. She used you as an assistant.

I can’t believe that a friend you had arranged to go out to have dinner with, expected you to sit and watch her eat a meal while you had nothing. And furthermore, refused to return the favour enabling you had a meal somewhere else. How insulting !

If you had been happy with the menu, I would have expected that you both ate a meal and then shared the cost of the one meal that had to be paid for, so that you both benefitted from the experience.

If she knew that wasn't going to happen, I would have expected her to tell you that she had to cancel, as she was working.

Why couldn’t you eat when she was eating ?

I think your friend needs to figure out how she intends to keep work and social life separate.

You are definitely not being unreasonable!! The whole influencer thing leaves me feeling a bit cold. It’s so depressing. Fine if she wants to do that but she should do it on her own time.

I'm cringing at this. Do people have no self respect any more?

Beautifully put , it’s the modern equivalent of a Tupperware party! And I think it’s using your friends too because you don’t want to look like Billy no mates. Thing is it can be quite fun and learning new skills for the person doing it - but it’s something to do ‘on your own’ not drag along your mates to what is essentially ‘work’ - for instance we may well move back to a place within the EU with our business- I would probably set up a ‘visit xxxx ‘ mainly because I’ve seen so many awful personality less ones’ focusing on drab neighbourhoods or churches whereas most people would rather you showed them the cute little spots that are off the main drag that locals like or little neighbourhoods they wouldn’t find etc etc and done with a bit of joi de vivre - but I would do it ‘on my own’ - not rope in someone who would be bored shitless - I would actually come right to the point, if she’s a genuine friend she will realise she’s not being fair and if she gets the hump she’s a fair weather friend .

YANBU. You were there to film her and to show her followers she has friends and doesn’t eat alone.

She didn’t even offer to buy you your meal! 😮

I would definitely stop going for food with her.