Sorry if this is long. The background to this is that my ex and I mutually agreed to split when DD7 was 2 and a half because it just wasn't working. Since then, we've shared care of our DD on a largely fixed weekly schedule. My ex has remarried, I have not.
Under the normal arrangement, our child is with my ex for the first part of the week, with me for part of Tuesday, then back with my ex until Thursday afternoon. I then have her from Thursday afternoon until Saturday evening, after which she goes back to my ex. I know it's not an equal arrangement, but at the time that we made it, it seemed a reasonable balance for a young child; the maintenance also has also allowed my ex to stay in the family home without downsizing, which I think has been better for my daughter.
Generally we co-parent well, and support each other by swapping days throughout the year if someone wants to go away for something, or take DD somewhere special. DD is happy and well-adjusted, and she does a lot of activities, so we often need to be flexible about performances, end of year showcases, etc. We also arrange holiday splits so that we can minimise travel when we take our daughter to see her grandparents in various countries in Europe.
Christmas Day this year falls squarely within my normal parenting time.
In previous years, DD has always spent Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with my ex, and I have had her from Christmas afternoon for a few days. My ex has always been cooperative about making sure I see her on Christmas Day, which I appreciate.
This year, because Christmas falls during my normal time, I suggested that DD spends Christmas morning with just me for the first time, then goes to my ex around lunchtime/early afternoon and stays there for the next few days. I thought this was a fair way of reversing the previous arrangement while still making sure we both got a substantial part of Christmas Day.
My ex has said she doesn't think the Christmas morning arrangement should change because DD is used to going to a Christmas Eve service with her and then waking up at her house, and she says that maintaining this routine is in our child's best interests because it provides predictability and stability.
She has proposed keeping the same Christmas arrangement as previous years: DD stays with her through Christmas morning, then comes to me on Christmas afternoon for a few days.
For context, over the Christmas holidays we normally depart from the weekly schedule anyway and arrange longer blocks with each parent, partly so that both households have the opportunity to go away.
I can see the argument that Christmas traditions and predictability matter to children. At the same time, I don't think “stability” necessarily means that one parent should always have Christmas morning indefinitely, particularly when Christmas falls within the other parent's normal time, and I feel that me always being the secondary parent will send the wrong message to my daughter.
I also suggested that our child could still go to the Christmas Eve service with my ex as usual, then I could collect her afterwards so she wakes up with me on Christmas morning, before returning to my ex later that day.
AIBU to think that, after several years of Christmas morning always being with my ex, it is reasonable for me to have Christmas morning with DD this year and for us either to alternate it in future or let the normal schedule determine it? BTW, we have the same issue with Easter, with my ex insisting that DD is with her on Easter morning each year - fair enough it's her day, but I think it would be better for my daughter to alternate this so that she can go somewhere on holiday with each of us, rather than needing to swap between parents so often.