Why do so many mums ditch their childfree friends?

[Sishirunak70]

Especially when those friends are accommodating, take an interest in your child/children and willing to work around you?
Why do you now only associate with other Mums and think that they 'just won't get it?'

Why do you let them disappear from your life since you became a mother? Whilst I understand it's hard, it's not impossible.
There are far too many martyrs around who believe they're the only person to have ever given birth, everything must now revolve around them and that nobody else can ever be tired or busy, except for them.

I'm sorry but it is. As a person with no children, it's ultimately your choice to do whatever and when. The responsibilities of being a parent mean you don't have that choice. There are things that must be done to keep your children safe (mentally and physically), happy and fed and usually these things have to be done in a timely manner. Not wanting to do them there and then is one thing but the truth is that, as a parent, you don't have the luxury of choice.
The fact that you don't understand that, to the extent that you are denying it, might be why your friends who are parents are not too keen on spending time with you.

I have managed to maintain a handful of good friendships through a number of life events - children, moving away, chronic illness.

They work because everyone clearly thinks the friendship is worth maintaining - my friends with children don’t trivialise my life or problems and I accept that they have less flexibility than I do. The only people I have stayed close to after they had children are ones who actively didn’t want motherhood to dominate their entire existence and enjoy seeing me and talking about themselves.

It sucks when you feel you’re making an effort and they don’t reciprocate because they are in mummy world, but ultimately that’s on them. Not everyone is like that.

You don't HAVE to do this stuff.

Some of us have lives that's just not carting alour kids around and hanging about.

Yes, and I don’t know why anyone is arguing this point!

Having children is always going to require more time and effort than being a single adult. And it’s more restrictive.

People are bizarrely offended, but surely this is a benefit of being Childfree??? You have more time and agency to do things you want to do! You can choose to be busy doing things you enjoy without being weighed down by chidlcare responsibilities!

It's also insufferable for people having to listen to others rambling on about kids constantly. And I'm a parent.

My friends are my friends regardless of whether they have children or not. I wouldn’t dream of inviting a child free friend to soft play as I wouldn’t expect they would enjoy it anymore than I do.

I usually see friends in the evenings or when we have our annual weekend away

So bored of these absolute statements, your time is not more valuable or precious, in majority of cases you chose to be a parent too.

You sound very arrogant in your opinions. I dont agree that the ONLY actual commitment in life is what you do for your children and that everything else in life doesn't really matter if you let it (or them) down.

Parents are overwhelmed. It's not the same as being busy.

Um, you DO have the “luxury of choice” and you chose to be a parent? Contraception is free in the UK. It was a choice you made, and, like a PP quite rightly said, you didn’t do it for the greater good, you did it because you personally wanted a child. That is the “luxury of choice” isn’t it?

Are you okay?

No one has said their time is more valuable, or precious, because they have children.

They have said that they have less available time because they have children, which is absolutely true.

You seem so offended by that.

It might be a choice whether or not you have children in the first place (though it is not a choice for everyone.) But if you then realise, "fuck me, this parenting lark is hard going, far worse than I envisaged," you can't take them back to Tesco for a refund.

I’m struggling to see how this is relevant to the post you quoted.

I'm great thanks, but thanks for your concern.

I think it's an odd decision to ditch friends just because they are childless. Are you sure that is the reason and it's not just because you've drifted apart naturally. That happens with friendships sometimes.

You won’t be busy or stressed in the same way. You will very likely have slept.

Im pretty sure people that have had children get to sleep! Lol

I have kids and I sleep.

Mostly because as a mum to young children you are on a very different timetable to an adult who is at work. You see other mums because they are around during the day and are local to you. Typically you got out a lot less in the evening, and likely want to drink less. Going out childfree can be difficult due to cost of childcare. You generally have a lot less spare time as a parent and increased day to day caring related pressures and tiredness. So there are loads of very very practical reasons.

I am one of the ones who never lost touch with any of my friends - we all accommodated each other because thats what friends do, but frankly, the way you are responding in this thread, its no surprise at all people have "lost touch" with you.

You are coming across as rude, patronising, and snarky.

OP, why are you so angry? Have you considered that maybe your combative attitude is the reason people don’t want to be friends with you?

That’s grand.

Are you going to explain why you said “your time is not more valuable or precious” because no one on this thread has outright said or suggested that.

Agree, I don’t think anyone has said that. Those of us with children have offered explanations as to why we are now a lot busier than we were before kids came along. That’s not saying that someone’s time is more valuable than someone else’s.
OP just seems to want a fight and to make it a race to the bottom. Maybe that’s why her friends with kids are no longer friends with her.

Speak for yourself.

Ok