Why do so many mums ditch their childfree friends?

[Sishirunak70]

Especially when those friends are accommodating, take an interest in your child/children and willing to work around you?
Why do you now only associate with other Mums and think that they 'just won't get it?'

Why do you let them disappear from your life since you became a mother? Whilst I understand it's hard, it's not impossible.
There are far too many martyrs around who believe they're the only person to have ever given birth, everything must now revolve around them and that nobody else can ever be tired or busy, except for them.

Not only did I never plan to be a parent, I actively planned not to until pretty much the month we decided to TTC when I was almost 40 (and, to both our shock, were looking at a positive pregnancy test the same month). I'm not sure this has any relationship to the importance of my friendships to me, though, before or after I had DS. They've always been consumingly important.

And when I've discovered that I was a 'seasonal' or placeholder friend for someone I thought was friend who would be in my life forever (which I agree can be miserable), it's never been because they had a child. In one case, I think I was a placeholder until the friend got a new relationship, and in the other, I only realised I was situational after he'd moved from a situation which meant we no longer automatically one another daily. Both hurtful, because we'd been properly close for several years, but not because of children.

This. I’ve said it so many times, but life before children is not the same as life without children.

Then that's just a shit friend who is prioritising another relationship over them.

I don't think we need to shame mums for choosing to prioritise time with their children.

My DC’s didn’t suffer by my seeing my friends for dinner or drinks - they were in bed asleep.

Maybe you were doing motherhood All Wrong, and were supposed to be hanging lovingly over their beds, watching them as they slept?

I disagree. People with children have the children to care for, ferry around, feed, help with homework, take to the doctor , play with, nurture etc on top of all the things that childfree people add in broken nights and by definition generally people with children are busier than child free people.

That seems pretty good to be honest. I have 3 kids and work full time and if I catch up with friends outside of my best best friends once a year that’s doing pretty damn well. 2-3 times a year for my best girlfriends of 30 years is standard.

I went out with DH each week from DT’s being six months old and regularly with different groups of friends. Life didn’t end by becoming a parent

It isn't this either or situation where you either spend all time with your kids or you're like parent's from generations ago where children fitted round with what their parents did by going to parties or pubs with their parents.

Most people I know meet somewhere in the middle. Yes we prioritise time with our kids but everyone I know still finds time to see friends, whether said friends have children or not.

So totally irrelevant to my point then? But thanks for letting me know.

It is relevant. Going out with your DH or friends when your DC’s are asleep in their cot or bed doesn’t mean you’re not prioritising them.

Where did I say anything about going out when your children are asleep?