To think DP should make a decision?

[Lookinhin]

My DP is 40 in a fortnight. He still hasn’t made a decision about how he wants to celebrate and it’s driving me wild.

I know he doesn’t want a party or a meal. I’ve asked a couple of times if he wants us to do something on the day, or if he wants to go out with his friends. He still doesn’t know.

I know I am being unreasonable, but it’s two weeks away! I’ve got deposits paid for friends’ 40ths next year. AIBU about how laid back he’s being?

I think your mother’s memorial is a bit different.

If he decides he wants to celebrate his birthday with me then the party would obviously rank second to that.

He can do literally anything he wants to. He is a grown man.

If you've been trying so hard to get a response on this specific subject, just go ahead and arrange that evening out for yourself without further ado. No sniffiness; just being rational is all.

A man of forty isn’t silly enough to hold that a celebratory meal/outing must be on the actual birthday and no other day, after all.

Then you make your plans and leave him to decide what he wants to do or not

Yes but I do love him and if he decides he wants to do something with me on his birthday I would always prioritise that. I wish he’d just decide.

Yes, I understand that was very different, but your posts (especially the bit I quoted) made me remember how selfish I thought she was. Still love her though.

I know you said something about booking a ticket - is that for the party? If you just make your decision and book he'll have to fit in, and maybe make a quicker decision next time.

Oh holy Mother of God. You and he, nekkid, tipsy, and Luke Littler’s greatest moments on the jukebox TV; I can see the attraction, you decadent pair 🤣

How does this help? I don’t want to pay for tickets to something I can’t attend, nor let down friends by cancelling plans. But obviously the is my priority that weekend. I just want to know what he wants to do.

No i mean your own plans not to do with him Stop obsessing over this

I couldn't give a shit about my birthdays or anyone else's frankly you are projecting

Yes, the ticket is to a fundraiser. There is no way I’m booking something else for his birthday until I know whether he has definitely decided he’s going out with his friends or wants to do something with me that night.

Would never be naked with darts flying, especially after all the champagne we drink. We prefer Smooth Radio 😉

He’s also got pool, a golf putting course, and fuse ball. It’s great.

Yes, but I would cancel my plans to celebrate with him if that’s what he wanted. And since I wouldn’t cancel on my friends, I’m not going to book anything until I know what’s happening.

It's nice that you're giving him first refusal.

In my experience, fundraisers will take last minute bookings (even if it's catered - I'm in that trade). I'm sure your friends will understand if you explain your predicament. Hopefully you won't have to let them down.

He will want to celebrate it. He just doesn’t know what he wants to do.

If he knows he wants to celebrate it, can't you just assume he will celebrate his actual birthday with you and perhaps do something with a larger group on the Saturday night?

He might want to go out with his friends the night of his actual birthday. I don’t know what he wants to do because he cannot seem to make a decision.

Can’t you see that is exactly the same as you deciding to keep the weekend free just in case he decides at the last minute that maybe a meal out together is best?
I mean, given all your efforts thus far to elicit a hint from him.

I wasn’t at all suggesting you do not love him though.
But there’s no reason to put your life on hold while he dithers and (do admit) consciously decides against supplying the merest sniff of info you are seeking. His prerogative, just as you say.
He isn’t so dense that he doesn’t realise it’s leaving you and your own life dangling, therefore making a firm plan for yourself is only reasonable.
No tit for tat vibe at all, just a grown woman who has exerted herself to accommodate his wishes, but received no usable feedback, and so has to decide for herself.
Tbh I can't think why you are considering waiting any longer. You'll still be together at some point, and it’s not as though your being busy would erase his birthday right off the whole year!

Aaargh! Neither can you! 🤣

Don't make any plans, stop nagging him and go with the flow. You've got him a darts shirt signed by Luke Littler, haven't you?!

I understand what you are saying but I would still want to be with him on his 40th if that’s what he wanted.

My decision is to hold off making any plans that weekend until I know on which day he wants to celebrate with me. I would like him to hurry up and decide now.

Ha, no, I don’t think he’d thank me for that!