To think DP should make a decision?

[Lookinhin]

My DP is 40 in a fortnight. He still hasn’t made a decision about how he wants to celebrate and it’s driving me wild.

I know he doesn’t want a party or a meal. I’ve asked a couple of times if he wants us to do something on the day, or if he wants to go out with his friends. He still doesn’t know.

I know I am being unreasonable, but it’s two weeks away! I’ve got deposits paid for friends’ 40ths next year. AIBU about how laid back he’s being?

I’d go ahead and buy gift and such now that way if he wants something special on top it can be a bit late if needed.

His gifts are all bought. Still waiting for some to arrive. Really looking forward to giving him them.

I wouldn't cope well with the pressure you're putting on him - and yourself for that matter.

Why do you need to know now? You'd only need to know if it's a party, but he doesn't want one. Can't you be spontaneous?

Well, if he’s wants to celebrate it with me then I need to know so I’m free on the Friday night (his actual birthday). If he’s going out with his friends on the Friday and he wants to celebrate on the Saturday then great, but I need to know so I can keep that free. At the moment I’m keeping the whole weekend free.

Just decide what you’re doing and let me know 😭. I know I’m at fault, he’s not that bothered I don’t think whereas I would have told him how I want us to celebrate (and when!) weeks ago.

You’ve answered your own question. He’s not bothered. You’re making far more of this than he wants.

Good God, it’s only his 40th; there’s really no need to go Christmas-style mad!

Why wouldn’t you keep the weekend free? Is that really a big ask?

Chill. Two weeks is ages

He’s not that bothered but he definitely wants to celebrate it in some way on the day, and he and I will definitely be doing something together to celebrate it. Even if it’s just champagne and darts in the house and giving him his presents.

I’m making him a birthday cake too (a specific one you can’t buy in the shops, I don’t think. He doesn’t like cakes other than this one). That needs to be done within 24 hours of seeing him. He is a very chilled man but I like knowing plans.

I’ve gone more than Christmas-style. For Christmas we exchange presents but never expensive ones (although always thoughtful). This year I’ve spent quite a bit more than I normally would on his birthday to get him something of sentimental value that I know he’ll really love.

Yes! Am I to just sit in the house on call? I’ve already been invited to an event on the Friday and have obviously held off buying a ticket because it’s his birthday, but time is ticking and he still doesn’t know what he wants to do.

That’s what he reckons!

You're only being unreasonable in that you're getting all worked up about it. You've done the kind, caring thing. Now stop. Don't pester him further. Presumably you've gotten him a present. Now it's up to him.

I hope he goes all out like that for your birthdays

You are making the fatal mistake of projecting what YOU would want. He is clearly less interested in being the centre of attention. I'm the same over birthdays. Can't stand the fuss.

Hang on; stop filming a moment. Champers and DARTS at home? 😳

Well of course you don’t go out without him on his birthday. Doesn’t matter exactly what the plans are. He’s not going to go out without you, is he? Would that be normal in your world? Not mine.

Yes, got him a present. I just want to know what the plan is for giving him it.

I’m not 40 yet and we weren’t together when we were 30. We normally just get each other thoughtful but smallish presents for Christmas and our birthdays. I am sure my efforts will be reciprocated.

Champagne and darts! 🍾🎯

Yes, he’s got a darts board in his own darts room. A lot of fun it is too.

I like knowing plans.

My cousin "likes knowing plans" too, and tried to bully me into making decisions for my mum's memorial celebration before I was ready.

She explained that it stressed her out not knowing exactly what was happening, but she was fine stressing me out over it!

Just make your own plans - if you must - and give him the leftovers if he won't do as he's told.

Yeah you’re right. He hates attention. That is absolutely him.

If its his birthday why is he not allowed to do what he wants?

Er, well yes, if he’s going out with his mates then he’s going out without me. If he’s off out with them and we’re celebrating on another day then I’ll go to the party. Can’t see why I’d sit in the house on his birthday without him.