Which child is wrong-er

[Dancingwithmyselfoohooh]

Know it's not a word lol

Child A: Breaks something in their own pencil case by accident, is a bit upset and is trying to fix it

Child B: wants to know what happened, asks child A many times/repetitive asking and trying to look

Child A: Becomes fed up of Child A constantly asking, pushes them away in the chest (quite gently)

Child B: Doesn't like being pushed, pushes Child A back much harder, child A nearly falls over a chair, starts to cry and become very upset

Who is in the wrong here?

Clearly child A is yours. You say she pushed child B 'gently'. You have no idea if that is accurate. If child B was yours, your post would have read 'child a pushed child b, unprovoked and child b was only trying to help'. Child b saw child a upset, so wanted to help, she got pushed and then simply defended herself by pushing back.'

While child b was annoying by repeatedly asking, child A was the first to get physical and I don’t think it matters how gentle they were and how much harder child B pushed, they were still the first to push and so shouldn’t be surprised or angered when pushed back.

I think Child A is the wrong-er, as you say. Child A was upset at themselves breaking something so took that upset out on Child B by being awkward about answering their question and then shoving them. Child B shouldn’t have shoved back but it was probably done instinctively after being shoved themselves.

Child B is clearing irritating but Child A was the one that turned the altercation physical.
It's irrelevant that it 'wasn't a hard push'.

Your child is going to have to learn to deal with annoying people in life without touching them.

My youngest is like Child B. Cannot read the room, if someone is upset about something then funnily enough they're unlikely to want to answer endless questions about it.

Child B started it, deserved to be pushed away and needs to learn to give people space, they don't have an automatic right to find out every tiny little detail of other people's lives.

Child a started the pushing. People are annoying you don’t push them.

Child A.

Children are naturally inquisitive, so while it’s understandable that Child A was annoyed by child B, you can’t just push others who annoy you!

Both are equally wrong as both used their hands to try and solve their problem. No other answer to this, no excuse for either of them as it is simply unacceptable to use your hands on another person.

Ignoring the potential bias in the story and assuming it did happen just as you say...

Child B needs to respect other people's boundaries and personal space. If child A had lashed out right away it would be different. But she didn't. She tried to move away and was followed. Child A has a right to her personal space and she has a right to defend this.

Child B was in the wrong.

So many things to learn from this. Things get broken or dont work which makes us feel.annoyed with other peoole. Seperate our annoyance with the event from others.

We all do things we regret and the best way forward is to say sorry. People we like some of the time can be irritating at others. If you start pushing you may get pushed back. Thjngs that make us feel very upset at the time really dont matter long term.

I have a ‘child B’ type. I’d tell him that if he continues to ignore someone’s verbal instructions, then it is possible they might resort to being physical. I’d be very cross with HIM for the disproportionate shove back. Especially as a male shoving a female. It might not matter size wise at 8 yo but it will at 28 and he needs to know now.

Too much head space from both parents over something so minor.

Both children are wrong. Child A should’ve just said “I broke my ruler” instead of ignoring the other child. Child B was being incredibly annoying though, granted. But Child A chose to push first, then turned on the tears when she got pushed back. Child B shouldn’t have pushed back/pushed so hard, but Child A did get physical first 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why? Child A handled the situation in an unhealthy way - by pushing. But Child B also handled the situation in an unhealthy way - by pushing back harder. They both need to learn that dealing with frustration with physical violence is not acceptable.

Also you’re giving a very bad message that the original behaviour of ignoring Child A’s boundaries is just fine and dandy. Whereas he should learn that that’s unacceptable too.

My kids do this shit at home all the time. I always tell them that they lost the moral high ground the moment they made it turn physical. Pushing / hitting (or whatever) is never acceptable, no matter how annoying their sibling is being. Then I tell the other sibling off for being annoying. This is standard kid stuff, no?

But then child A is in the wrong for pushing child B first

Child A can't go around pushing people, regardless of how gentle it may be!

Child A started it... Child B reacted! Yes, she may of been annoyed by the constant asking, but if they had just said what had happened it could've all been avoided. Both in the wrong!

What do you think the chat with child B would be about...?

Child A shouldn't have pushed the other but child B is an absolute pain and winds kids up till they react. My middle child went to school with a child like child B and most of the kids hated her.

She loved to be involved with everything, pushed other kids to breaking point then got upset when they reacted. She did it to my son a few times though he never pushed or hit her. He did tell her to go away.

I taught my son to tell a teacher when she winding him up. That worked until one academic year she was teachers pet and no matter how many kids and parents complained about her the teacher didnt believe she was an issue.

I would speak to the teacher and take full responsibility for your child hitting but make it clear they should not have to tolerate another child behaving like that towards them.

I think, in this case, Child A should have gone to a teacher for help. But I generally don't condone using your hands as a last resort to defend yourself or your personal space. Child B was persistent and Child A had already tried moving away from him but he followed. I think a gentle shove was a proportional reaction. The alternative (aside from going to a teacher) was to just put up with it and keep getting hassled. I don't think anyone should have to do that.

Child B did the first thing that could cause injury (assuming A's was definitely a gentle push)

She didn't want to talk about it and she made that clear. She even tried to move away and Child B followed her. It was none of Child B's business and he needs to learn to respect other people's boundaries.

OP i have just seen your update comments about the other mum messaging you. That is batshit behaviour from her over a little push. My only reply to that would be "i will speak to the school and both childrens behaviour as neither was acceptable". No further replies, comments etc. The mother is likely the reason the child is so badly behaved.

Child A put her hands on child B first so she gets my vote

Child B.

Children so young can rarely emotionally regulate. If child B is harrassing your DD by repeating the same in your face behaviour, she got fed up and resorted to the only way she knew how to stop the bullying. Advocate for your DD. Some children are bullies, starting very young and caused by diverse issues. You don't know those issues, but one thing is a casual squable between kids and the same child harrassing your DD in separate incidents.

Child A driven to push away insistent, persistent Child B. Can’t blame them, personally.

Child B needs to learn to mind their own business. Child A reminded that even if faced with annoying people, physical reaction usually doesn’t end well…