Which child is wrong-er

[Dancingwithmyselfoohooh]

Know it's not a word lol

Child A: Breaks something in their own pencil case by accident, is a bit upset and is trying to fix it

Child B: wants to know what happened, asks child A many times/repetitive asking and trying to look

Child A: Becomes fed up of Child A constantly asking, pushes them away in the chest (quite gently)

Child B: Doesn't like being pushed, pushes Child A back much harder, child A nearly falls over a chair, starts to cry and become very upset

Who is in the wrong here?

It really was obvious. It sounds like tying oneself on knots to find a way A wasn't so wrong.

Child B, being a child, maybe doesn’t have a well-developed understanding of the fact that no one wants people up in their faces when they’re upset about something. Child A, being a child, is probably still learning to manage their emotions when they’re upset. They’re both engaging in behaviour they need to learn is not OK, but at any age, not shoving people is probably the thing you would expect them to learn sooner.

One of my kids is the same age. Old enough to know not to shove even if provoked. If she’d done that and the other kid had retaliated my response would be ‘serves you right!’
I get that the other child shouldn’t have retaliated either. Hopefully a good life lesson for them both!

Given their ages, child A is in the wrong because they instigated the physical aggression.

As a mother of a 7 year old, they should know by this age not to physically retaliate when frustrated by another. Child B sounds annoying…however, it’s still the age where if they get hit/pushed/pinched then it’s coming back at the person who started it. 7 year olds aren’t great at proportionality.

I’d have a word with mine about pushing first.

However, I would also take the mum calling you to complain as a red flag about how B’s behaviour is going to be treated and would not be encouraging the friendship.

I wouldn’t be dramatic and ban a friendship or actively try and stop it, but a parent who is getting involved like that at 7/8 is going to be a nightmare at 11/12 so I wouldn’t be encouraging it at all.

They need to move on. Both of them.

I wouldn't engage with Bs mum.

This.

Tbh, @Dancingwithmyselfoohooh I think your original question is missing the point since the other mum contacting you is what is bothering you. I do think that is the real problem. Too many people are getting hung up on judging the kids although I appreciate that is what you asked them to do! Really, it's a bit of a storm in a teacup that the school can handle. They both need speaking to about their behaviour, as is so often the case with small children.

I used to be a Child A type at school. I was very quiet, and hated those nosey, pushy types, and still very much do at work. If pushed and prodded too hard at school, I too sometimes eventually had enough and lashed out.

Child B is an annoying busybody.

The thing is child a signalled they wanted to be left alone by not responding to child b
really the teacher needs to sit them away from each other - I would personally request that as the kids sound temperamentally very different!
sometimes think the quieter better behaved kids get sat next to the livelier ones on purpose always seems a bit unfair to me when they’d probably rather sit next to someone equally chilled!

Agree - would expect child b’s mother has to deal with a few things like that at the school hence her overreaction in calling you!

This. It was obvious in the first post.

...but from what you have written, child B is wrong-er.

I always told my kids that no matter what, the person who raises their hand first is in the wrong. There are other ways of dealing with things than raising your hand.

That said, the other mother sounds like a fucking nightmare who will always believe what her little prince tells her. Encourage other friendships for your child and deal with her in a "Oh, you know what kids are like! I let them sort it out for themselves!" type of grey rock. Suspect school are already fucking sick of her, she has been "that" parent since day two of reception.

I think their genders are important. Young girls shouldn’t be taught to be submissive to overbearing boys who can’t take no for an answer. She asked him to go away and he didn’t listen, a gently shove was more than acceptable IMO, although I’d probably coach her to shout in his face and make a scene first.

I really feel for Child A, and I knew right away that A would be a girl and B a boy. Societal expectations set in early. A was on a hiding to nothing. If she'd shouted, she would have been in the wrong for that, by pushing, she's in the wrong, whereas B has probably never been told he's a pain in the arse and he needs to hear a "no". That's not about the kids themselves, that's about the way society treats them, even at 7 and 8, or as babies--look at any of the experiments done where people are handed a baby dressed in blue or pink....

So it happened at school and so presumably they dealt with it. End of story. Neither you nor the other Mum actually know what happened so if you’ve spoken to your daughter, that’s enough.
The other mum should not have texted you and should be spending her time telling her son to mind his own business.

This is where it starts!!!! Children allowed to get away with harassment etc as children who then carry on as adult men thinking they are in the right for harassing women!!!

You say they're friends, but also that he repeatedly badgers and bothers her. Are they really friends, or has she just been fed - and absorbed - the 'he's only mean because he likes you' nonsense?

Child A. They escalated to physical, then got all melodramatic when it was done back to them.

Hello, Mum of Child A.

Child A…you give out violence expect to get it back. But they’re kids, so who cares, tell them to behave better and move on.

Child B needs to be taught boundaries. When someone doesn’t answer you after you ask a couple of times, stop asking. Child A needs to learn to keep their hands to themselves.

Sounds like Child B's parent has little to complain of, if her child pushed harder in retaliation. I'd be annoyed with his mum for complaining to you about such a minor incident that should have been handled at school.

You've discussed it with your child. She knows she was wrong to push him. I'd instruct her to go to the teacher next time he's bothering her. As for the other mother, if you need to reply, I'd try to keep it brief, factual, and calm. Your daughter has told you about it. You've spoken about how neither of them should be shoving. You hope they'll both behave better next time and go to the teacher with any disagreements rather than resorting to pushing.

The child who pushed first was most the wrong and should t be surprised when they are pushed back, even if it was harder.

It is awful
how some posters are trying to make the sexes of the children relevant here when they are not. They are children and it makes no difference wether it was a boy or girl who did the annoying or the pushing. I find it weird and slightly disturbing how some posters are so fixated on being anti male that they will extend their misandry even to 7/8 year old children.