Which child is wrong-er

[Dancingwithmyselfoohooh]

Know it's not a word lol

Child A: Breaks something in their own pencil case by accident, is a bit upset and is trying to fix it

Child B: wants to know what happened, asks child A many times/repetitive asking and trying to look

Child A: Becomes fed up of Child A constantly asking, pushes them away in the chest (quite gently)

Child B: Doesn't like being pushed, pushes Child A back much harder, child A nearly falls over a chair, starts to cry and become very upset

Who is in the wrong here?

It absolutely does matter what sex they are. If I was raising a boy he'd be told he doesn't hit/shove girls back no matter what.

At those ages, this is not a question of which child was most wrong, but a sign that both children need a bit of support with they how they handle things.

Child A needs to be supported with alternative ways to deal with frustrations such as this; either feeling more confident to explain what has happened, to ignore the other child's persistence or to be more appropriately assertive.

Child B needs to be supported to understand social cues from someone who doesn't want to explain themselves, and certainly that (at this age) they should be involving a teacher and not pushing back if another child acts with physical force.

Ultimately, this is a very typical scrap between young children who still need to learn how to manage such situations; not a case of one child being more wrong than another.

Child A, on a technicality because she resorted to violence first. Hard luck as clearly she was provoked.

I always tell my kids: when you push or hit you are always in the wrong and you lose the right to be surprised or upset when someone hurts you back.

I can understand other dc mum being a bit peeved that her dc got the bigger share of the blame but it’s really not worth her texting you over. She is the wrong-est!

It's not always helpful to assume that one child is right and the other wrong, or wronger.

Child B needs to learn to not pester when told no. Child A needs to learn not everyone can read the room. They'll learn this by explanation and experience i hope.

Child B sounds like an obnoxious space invader.
Bs mum sounds overly precious and "a lot".

Separately, you need to teach A better strategies for dealing with B and little irritants like B because shes a girl and theres going to be a lot more of it coming her way.

I wpuldn't be punishing her I'd be helping her.
I'd also wouldnt be giving Bs mum much more than a thumbs up.

Child A was in the wrong for shoving. Given how clearly biased the OP is I’m curious what Child B’s interpretation of events was, could explain why Child B’s mum felt the need to get in touch.

Child A. Shouldn't have pushed. If she was that annoyed and struggling to deal with the situation she should've got the teacher's attention. If you get physical, expect someone to be stronger to you back.

It’s a bit of a non-issue so I wouldn’t try to determine who has greater blame. It sounds like children behaving childishly. Just focus on whichever child is yours about what good/better would looks like in the circumstances.

If you push someone gently you can’t complain if they push you back harder (and you don’t really know that it was gently because you weren’t the one being pushed).

Also agree sex is irrelevant for young children in these circumstances.

Child B needs to learn how to mind its own business, or will one day encounter someone who does worse than push.

This

How do you know this all happened?

Child A isn’t obliged to tell Children B if she doesn’t want to.

Child B is annoying but you don’t push, so child A has to take responsibility for their push, child B for theirs.

Child A needs to learn to communicate with words and to recognise that not replying to someone is rude. If they’d said ‘X is broken’ and ‘Will you stop bothering me’ this might not have happened.

You don’t stay silent until someone annoys you, then push them.

I don’t agree with this. If one child lightly pushes another who then retaliates with significantly greater force, that is disproportionate and needs nipping in the bud because that sort of behaviour can land you in a lot of trouble in later life.

This. Plus, I'm assuming you are basing this on Child A's version of events. So, what we get is your version of Child A's version of events.

Also always speak up and go to the teacher before being tempted to push. If problems continue they might be moved apart.

A is wrong but B is wrongerer

Antiquated simplistic sexist rubbish

Child A. Started the physical aggression. Both wrong tho obviously.

You said child A (painfully obvious this was your child) was upset by the broken object in their pencil case.

Could be child B was reacting to the distress in a clumsy way and trying to help. For whatever reason, A wouldn’t tell them what the issue was. That’s always going to be curious to little kids if another child is visibly distressed in front of them. They didn’t read A’s cues well but they’re 7.

A is ‘wrong-ER’ because they pushed first. A case of FAFO for them. But they’re are also 7 so hardly helpful to try and unravel who is the most wrong and assign blame over an ordinary bit of pushing and shoving in young kids. Hopefully they’re both over it now?

The other mother shouldn’t be texting you about something so trivial.

This

It was only a Gentle push mum!

Child B is the wronger because he has pushed non physically first by not respecting her desire to be left alone to deal with her pencil case issue. He needs to learn how to read non verbal signals and respect other people's right to space. Child A needs to learn how to say "go away" firmly without resorting to shoving.

The parent of Child B needs to pull back from micromanaging even if she thinks her child is the least in the wrong here (I can see where he gets his pushiness!). The parent of Child A needs to encourage her child to handle people who push her boundaries.

The whole thing is a storm in a teacup but it's funny how the parents are now mirroring their children with Child B's mum getting in your ear and pestering you with phone calls. I personally would not pursue it any further with anyone (apart from talking to your own child) and if the other mother pursues it, I would be pushing back a bit (non physically, of course!)