Which child is wrong-er

[Dancingwithmyselfoohooh]

Know it's not a word lol

Child A: Breaks something in their own pencil case by accident, is a bit upset and is trying to fix it

Child B: wants to know what happened, asks child A many times/repetitive asking and trying to look

Child A: Becomes fed up of Child A constantly asking, pushes them away in the chest (quite gently)

Child B: Doesn't like being pushed, pushes Child A back much harder, child A nearly falls over a chair, starts to cry and become very upset

Who is in the wrong here?

The point is they are both wrong. Deal with both as such. No need for comparative analysis of their “crimes”. Life’s too short

I would just refer her back to the school. And tell her you’ll relay what she said to them. Don’t get involved with who was more right or wrong. Squabbles between kids blow over a lot faster than adults.

Child A marginally worse.

To everyone saying Child A shouldn't have pushed, what SHOULD she have done? What is the socially acceptable way for a girl to get a boy to leave her the fuck alone, when she has already 1. Given non verbal signals, 2. given a verbal no and 3. moved away and 4. the teacher has demonstrated that they don't intervene in situations like this?

She did say, he kept inteferring, she eas trying to fix it as was sad it was broken, she'd already told him, he was repeatedly asking and wanting to see

It doesn't matter. One child being more in the wrong doesn't change the actions of the other child, nor are the actions of the other child within your control. Focus on what your child could have done differently to prevent the escalation. Because the world is full of people who are going to do wrong and children need to learn how to deal with then without doing wrong themselves.

I'd be sending her to a martial arts class so she learns to block/defend rather than attack first. And also to loudly keep shouting no wherever possible.

Child A was properly wrong first.

Child A should have told an adult, not pushed.

There will be irritating, overstepping people everywhere in life and we need to manage those situations safely.

We have the right to leave the situation, report the situation or verbally relay our feelings and ask someone to stop. We do not have the right to physically touch someone in frustration and that needs dealing with.

Child A unfortunately learnt the hard way that pushing someone can hurt you.

Both need words from adults on managing social situations though.

Why was child A giving so much time and attention to fiddling with a pencil case, in lesson time? Did they not have work to do? Could the pencil case issue not have waited?

Honestly it sounds like two easily distracted, volatile children sitting next to each other.

Child A needs to listen to the teacher, do what she’s told, speak up to resolve small issues herself, then tell the teacher if that doesn’t work.

And yes it’s very obvious child A is yours and you’re trying to paint her as a poor, sweet victim when actually she behaved badly and instigated violence. Her behaviour should be your focus.

Try and imagine they are both your kids and see it from both sides.

The same story was relayed from both children, but other mum is cross because my Dd was the one to push first, which I was cross about. Apparently both children were called over to
the teacher when DD's friends told her she was crying. The teacher spoke to both of them equally by the sounds of it and said both to say sorry. Dd was very quiet and cried to me about it after school, I told her she shouldn't have pushed as people will often push back, but to stay away from him now and either go straight to the teacher if he won't stop or tell him loudly to stop and go away from him. We talked and it was dealt with, then the Whatsapp from mum

It was at the end of the day when they were getting bags ready, it was a key ring thing for her bag we just bought at the start of the year. He also shouldn't be out of his place, in her face bothering her really

Not trying to paint her as the poor, sweet kid at all, she's not and I was annoyed she pushed him and she knows it was wrong

Oh so he’s not seated next to her? That’s good. Was going to suggest asking if they could be moved.

This is a very minor incident in the scheme of things.

I told her she shouldn't have pushed as people will often push back

no your DD shouldn’t have pushed the other child because it’s wrong.

Child A (your child) was wrong.( Like all of us) she will spend a lifetime dealing with arseholes - violence will never be the answer. Teach her to use her words.

Child A put their hands on Child B first, it doesn't matter if it was a soft push. I was raised that once you put your hands on someone, you have no right to complain about what comes back at you. Child B was being annoying so it's probably a lesson learned for both.

And yet it was obvious to posters reading your posts which child was yours.

Why do you think that was?

Child B had no right whatsoever to know what child A was doing. He was inserting himself into something that was no concern of his, and not taking no for an answer. He needs to learn to mind his own business and understand boundaries. There was no onus on child A to tell him anything, he’s not the boss of her. She shouldn’t have pushed him, though.

Reading most of the answers, People calling child B annoying and in your face etc.
But she mentioned that they are/ were otherwise friends.
It sounds to me that he saw his friend upset and wanted to help her. Understandably she was frustrated and did not want to tell him as yet. He obviously did not pick up on this cue and continued asking. Yes a little irritating but he was trying to be helpful.
Sounds like something i would have done when i was younger as i lacked a bit of patience.
He does need to learn patience but did not deserve a push however gentle.
She was definitely in the wrong to get physical first especially since she knew he was trying to help.

Having said that, unless injuries occured, this is a very small spat. Does not warrant phonecalls from mums. Just a general, quit being silly and move on. It is after all kids being kids.

Child A in the wrong. All the background stuff is irrelevant. She pushed first. End of story. If someone pushed me over bloody right I’d push them back harder.

Being annoying isn’t a reason for raising your hands to someone. Surprised at so many posters accepting this. What message are we teaching our kids saying that? It sounds more like child A was upset and overreacted. That’s on her, not child B.

I would say child A has learnt a lesson not to push

Child A was more in the wrong for shoving first but Child B was annoying and should respect people’s boundaries.
The teacher dealt with it and to be honest, as a TA, this kind of thing would potentially be a regular occurrence during a school week and after being dealt with, would be forgotten about. Kids squabble.
Unless this is a repeating pattern of behaviour from Child A then Child B’s mum was way OTT.
I’d tell ChildA to stay away from him and if he gets in her face again, to tell the teacher or TA. We also used to tell the children to put there hand up (as if they were stopping traffic!) and to say ‘stop’ assertively. A clear boundary has been set then. Better than shoving!

This is such a minor issue that head space shouldn't be being given too. But given that you are, you're minimising your daughter's part more than it should be in proportion to what happened. She got physical with someone else first. Doesn't matter the reason. She is the most in the wrong