Which child is wrong-er

[Dancingwithmyselfoohooh]

Know it's not a word lol

Child A: Breaks something in their own pencil case by accident, is a bit upset and is trying to fix it

Child B: wants to know what happened, asks child A many times/repetitive asking and trying to look

Child A: Becomes fed up of Child A constantly asking, pushes them away in the chest (quite gently)

Child B: Doesn't like being pushed, pushes Child A back much harder, child A nearly falls over a chair, starts to cry and become very upset

Who is in the wrong here?

Then I think you have to factor in that you only have one child's version of events. I'm assuming child A.

Overall though it sounds like a very minor incident, everyone can say sorry and move on.

If child A is your child then do some work on dealing with this kind of situation, work through what they could have done to avoid it/not escalate it. As annoying as Child B was, it was Child A that started the physical altercation.

Well in that case, I'd be making it clear to the mum that her son needs to be taught to respect other peoples boundaries. He harasses your child, then pushes your child hard and she has the audacity to call you unhappy with your DD? I'd be giving her your DD's version of events and that you are unhappy with her son's constant harassment of your DD.

Child A pushed first. Child B retaliated.

Whichever was mine (whether first pusher or second pusher) I would be more focused on preventing them pushing other kids than squabbling about blame with another parent.

Who is " wronger"?
The parent giving this headspace. That's who.

Just a squabble. Tell them both we don’t push it’s not nice.

I'd say A as they were the first to get physical.

I can't believe a mum text you about this 🙈 Kids have to figure this out. It sounds like normal kid stuff to me. That being said, children that age are old enough to know not to shove. Kid A can walk away next time.

But honestly it's not that deep.

Then he goes and tells the teacher or another adult. No excuse for thumping and shoving.

If the mum hadn't texted, I wouldn't
I was cross with Dd, but now trying to see it from her side too and can see how she could have got fed up-I do not condone pushing at all and she's sad she did it

I think that's what's bothering me

No thumping?

Sometimes telling teachers results in nothing happening

Child A is wrong. Child b whilst annoying was just being a kid. Child A got physical first so child b responded don’t want to be hurt keep your hands to yourself.

And taking matters into your own hands and acting with your fists guarantees that something will happen

Your child was in the right, right up until the point she decided to use her hands. She has to learn that is not the way. Sometimes people annoy us. You have to learn to tune out.

Fast forward 10 years and she is in a club or bar. Someone is irritating her - a poorly timed shove could land her with a criminal record.
She needs to learn NOW.

Did you miss the bit where Child B (boy) never leaves Child A (girl) alone? He's constantly harassing her. No wonder Child A lost her rag with him. She's 7/8yrs old and already fed up with overbearing & unwanted male attention. Poor girl.

Sorry OP but you’re the most wronger in this whole situation.
your language around your own child is so
biased you’ve made your mind up already, despite not being there or having an cult witness to verify, you’ve come to a forum to get validation.
if your kid is being harassed by another kid, get that addressed by the school but the situation you’ve described is, in more
neutral terms that your kid got wound up by someone asking them about their pencil case so they lashed out and the other kid retaliated so actually your kid was the instigator for the physical altercation.
its really hard, I get it, but sometimes you need to take the rose tinted specs off and realise that kids act out at times and you need to look at the bigger picture

It would mean the teacher was aware.

I would not be happy that a boy was badgering my daughter, questioning her, ignoring her when she asked him to stop, following her around, and then shoving her into a chair. He’s 8, not 3. He needs told sharpish that he’s not to behave like that to anyone, but particularly not to girls that are telling him to stop and leave them alone.

Wow, the mum called you? What on earth for?

I take it that it wasn't to apologise on behalf of her son?

She needs to tell her kid to respect other kids' boundaries and stop imposing himself where he's not wanted and it's not his business.

Obviously, your DD shouldn't have pushed either, but it sounds like she was being provoked while already upset.

But really, it's all so minor.

It’s really obvious child A is your child!

B’s parent might have written:

Child A: Became quiet and withdrawn.
Child B: Didn’t understand what had happened and became quite anxious and wanted to help and rectify the situation.
Child A: Pushed B for no reason.
Child B: Was very hurt and upset so retaliated.

Just a childish misunderstanding. Both children equally innocent. Move on.

Harrassment from males enabled by their parents starts young.

Honestly I'd not be angry with your DD but teach her more appropriate ways to reinforce her boundaries as she's going to have a lifetime ahead of her of dealing with this kind of shit I'm afraid. Particularly the minimsaironnof crappy male behaviour when they've repeatedly broken boundaries a female has set.

They are children. Stop making this deeper than it is or than it needs to be. Harrassing her for god sake if it was teenager a or teenager b not child fair enough but wow.

Child A wrong for becoming physical. Should have spoken to the teacher.

if she pushed him because she was annoyed then that’s pretty bad. if she was more trying to manoeuvre him away because he was learning into her space then it’s fine.

Child B was worse regardless because it sounds like his push was significantly harder. if it was only a little harder and she just lost her balance then it’s quite understandable and i wouldn’t judge him too much. but if it was meaningfully disproportionate force intentionally used, then he was wrong-er imo.

child b is more wrong. if they repeatedly bother someone who doesn't want it, they will get pushed away eventually. and it's wrong to retaliate with a very hard push when you were only pushed gently.

Child Bs mum is being OTT but appreciate you can not say that to her! I'd make some general placatory noises about 'having a word' with your child about not shoving and how you 'assume you've said similar to child B about not retaliating'. Maybe wrap up with 'it's difficult when things happen when we're not there and you have to hope the school handled it appropriately'. I'd hope that shuts her down but if not I think you'd have to say more forcefully that you've done what you feel is necessary and that you are leaving the school to manage incidents that happen there. If she won't let it drop I'd have a word with the school assuming you trust them to handle it well. This mum really shouldn't be contacting you direct and if she is really unhappy then the school needs to be the intermediary.