AIBU to resent funding my husband while he works part-time?

[Stressedbadlydressed]

DH has a job that averages 20 hours a week. He’s always running out of money beyond the first week of pay. He pays his part of the mortgage and bills but that’s it. I buy food and everything for the house.

I am Dr and working 48 hour weeks. I am drained. I’m on £45k.

our combined incomes have meant we haven’t been able to move out of an area that we both dislike immensely. I have £16k in savings, that he says I should put towards a deposit.

I’ve asked him to increase his hours or find a new job. He says he will but it never materialises. Then he will say things like trust the process, or that he’s getting “paid” in time so he can pursue his “passion”.

His mother has told him that as I am projected to earn more as I get more experience that it’s unfair I’m expecting him to contribute more.

I find it very unattractive that I effectively fund his life and standard of living. Whenever he asks to borrow money I feel physically repulsed. Aibu?

Rich family, that is why?

He’s an entitled little boy. Disrespectful and dismissive. The sulking and dramatic references to work “killing him” are massive red flags (aside from the lazy arse scrounger role he’s playing).

I’ve thankfully divorced one of these, far too late sadly - two children and had to battle against the “primary caregiver” BS. He pays nothing towards the children and has half of my NHS pension as well as leaving me financially vulnerable due to the debt I’ve been left in because of him.

Get out now - it will not get any better. I regret not doing it much sooner, but am
sooo glad I did eventually. Live your best life and be proud of all the hard work you’ve done/do!

Are there lots of women without children, working 20 hours a week, making a mess and not clearing it up and not even making a cup of tea for their partners when they get in?

I wouldn't be prepared to support a partner who refused to take their share of financial responsibility for household expenses.

Do you have a mortgage or rent?
If you rent, it’s an easy split.

You clearly don't love or respect him and he's a poor choice to build a life with so end the marriage.

@Stressedbadlydressed you have your whole life ahead of you!

You have so much time to be able to divorce, move out/ away, settle down and then if you want to- find someone else to be happy with.

Please listen to so many people on here replying to you as many of us have our own experience of similar or seeing similar.

His life has taught him to aim for nothing/ don’t try as he’ll get it anyway. He obviously always has.

waiting for his dads inheritance is a risk- what if the will has changed? What if dad lives another 10, 20 or 30 years?
This however also tells you his mindset- he is sat waiting for money.
He has no ambition or drive and op he won’t suddenly realise his mistakes and change. He will tell you he will as he wants to keep his lifestyle where you are like a parental figure giving him allowances.

Does he do the cooking or housework?

You really need to continue to grow and blossom- you are on different paths now entirely.

It’s a good thing you don’t have kids, a father who cannot provide for his child out of choice is the most unattractive aspect of a ‘father’.

Aim high op, look what you have achieved already- you can make things better for YOU!

He lacks ambition and you are not compatible. Divorce him now before you have to divvy up child arrangements, your pension pot, and a house you funded by yourself.
That’s all you can do at this stage as due to his royal piss taking and laziness you have no respect for him and will eventually despise him.

OP that’s hard.
He sounds incredibly immature.
You cannot build a life with someone like this.
I am a doctor too. My husband earns about half what I do but he’s totally there for me .. cooks dinners, lots laundry and housework. When I get home sometimes he just looks at me and without a word pours me a glass wine.
Yours is just lazy and immature and likely sees you as meal ticket.
What are you actually getting from this relationship?

Haven't rtft just your responses OP.

Uuuuuggh. I wouldn't stay in this relationship. Of course you've worked hard to get where you are and it isn't luck. I couldn't stand to be working that many hours and come home to someone sitting around doing sweet FA and needing to lend money off me. He doesn't seem to have any inclination to change so do you want the rest of your life to be like this?
He sounds like my ex who also wanted to pursue a creative type career. Completely skint, working part time hours and complaining about how tired he was despite me working full time and studying. We split up a decade ago and he has not changed.

A childhood friend of mine is a doctor. Her life has been ruined by marrying the wrong guy. He gave no support with finances or the children and she has had to work all the hours and pay for au pairs to be able to work and finance everything. I don’t even have the energy to describe half of it but it is a horrible life to end up with.

Do not have kids with this man.
You have completely different outlooks on life. You are a dr, he is a dreamer. He may be a famous artist one day but most artists never make any money or become successful when they are dead.

Nothing tying you to him, then. Keep it that way.

Well it rhymes with anchor anyway - the lazy gitZ somehow thinks you’ve taken over from Mummy, funding her precious baby @Stressedbadlydressed if he is like this with the two of you imagine what he’d be like with kids. Get out now before he gets his hands on your savings.

Stop wasting time and divorce him.

Do NOT have babies with this man and run as far the fuck away as you can from him. Now. He’ll drive you mad. Ask me how I know… :(

you don’t need permission to throw this one back

I suspect if you don't end it with him you'll look back one day and wish you did sooner..I wasted years with a leach who had answers for everything. If you were jealous of his hours I wouldn't blame you. He should have all the housework done, dinner cooked etc with all the hours he has Vs how hard you work.

You deserve an equal team mate who is pulling in the same direction as you not a pathetic, money draining Muppet who isn't bringing you your relationship. Good luck.

Tell him and his mother that YOUR mother says it’s unfair that you have to work to support his sorry, lazy ass. Seriously, this man has no intention of changing. You can’t change other people, only your response to them. I’d leave him now before you start to earn more and therefore stand to lose more in a divorce. He’s a dead weight around your neck

You need to divorce. I'm not saying how you feel isn't understandable but it's an awful way to think about your husband. It's better for both of you to separate.

Given that you are the higher earner and can easily support yourself, and his behaviour is making you loathe him, why havent you left yet?

No it isnt. Its a perfectly fine way to think of a husband who is a lazy entitled arsehole who treats his wife as a cash machine.

No wonder his own father cut him off.

This is bringing up so many memories of my first marriage.

you can leave now with a clean break and minimal financial losses. If you stay much longer you may have shared children or more assets. Either way it will be much more painful to leave.

My ex is much happier with a new wife that matches his temperament. I am much happier with my own now husband.