Sibling graduation is an exceptional curcumstance

[Oldgalgames]

I recently applied to my DD13's school for 1 days absence to attend her sisters graduation (DD22) in November which has been declined as its not deemed an 'exceptional circumstance'. My DD13 had 98% attendance last year, was off for the flu last November which has been her only absence, is in top sets for all STEM subects. I know we wont get a fine, and we will be attending as a family anyway, its more the principle as I do truely believe this is of course an exceptional circumstance. A sibling's university graduation happens once or twice in a lifetime, it’s an important family milestone and incredibly inspiring for a 13 year-old to witness. I should add this is the first ever request I have submitted to school for an absence!

I am being unreasonable, school are right to decline this request as its not an exceptional circumstance

I am not being unreasonable it is an exceptional circumstance

I think the school are being ridiculous.

DD's friend and her sibling had the day off (with the school's blessing) to attend their DM's graduation during the summer term. It's an important thing to celebrate as a family and, as you say, can be inspiring.

cramptramp said son, I was replying to this post.

Anecdotally - I took my daughter out of school to see her favourite author at the book festival in my city (that oddly corresponds to English school holidays although we are in Scotland so the kids here can’t see most of it. Super annoying.)

we are also an ‘academic’ family (not sure what you meant by this really but my husband and I both work at a university so maybe we count?) and I felt this would be worth missing a half day of school. The school obviously knew but also obviously couldn’t approve the absence. It was a lovely day and my daughter was ‘inspired’. She has a 98% attendance record for what it’s worth.

My point is that I made a judgement call as a parent and prioritised this over attending school that day. I didn’t need the school’s permission and didn’t ask. I made sure she attended school pretty much every day otherwise and had a guilt free afternoon of book chat. Everything was fine.

I think that’s all anyone is trying to explain. The school isn’t making any sort of judgement on your priorities, they can’t. It doesn’t fit the specifics of an excused absence, but you can do it anyway.

I hope you have a lovely day and congrats to your daughter!

It’s dull for the graduates too. 😂 After my turn the endless list of names and the speaker was really boring and I just wanted it to be over.

They're fine letting them have 4 days off for grandparents funerals (plus another few when it's happens in my experience) but a single graduation seems to not to be a priority

It's absolutely not an exceptional circumstance. Most people do not have siblings at their graduation (and I suspect most younger sibs wouldn't want to be there anyway). Just send your child to school, where they are supposed to be.

It's definitely not an exceptional circumstance. It's a life choice, so I can see why the school won't approve the absence.

I am a teacher and I can have a day off paid for my children’s graduation.
It would be interesting to see your DD school staff handbook

It's utter madness. As is some people's willingness to go along with it! I fully understand that some parent treat school as an inconvenience that gets in the way of life but most people don't. Most people value their child's schooling but feel there's some things that would benefit the child/ family more as a one off.

Take your child. Don't lie, just take them. And yes, graduation ceremonies are a bit boring (I only went to my first one).

YABU its not educational or inspirational. Its boring and now is a show of what a meat factory it is doing a degree.

I hated mine so much, I collected my certificate and continued walking straight out the building.Very glad my degree subject was very early on in the proceedings. I didnt bother with my post grad ceremony either.

DH's mum repeatedly offered for me to go instead of her to watch DH, I refused. Spent most of it in a bar, having watched DH get his certificate through a window.

DS made the choice, without any prompting from me, to not go his ceremony either. I was proud of him for declining what most people see as complusory (which it isnt).

It’s hard for schools to assess every situation. What if a child has 6 siblings? What if they do an MA a year later and want another day off? What about a cousin they are very close to? What if it’s a long way and they want an over night stay? Easier for the school to say no.

BUT - they are your children. You created them, you gave birth to them and so you get to
make these decisions. The school
aren’t saying you can’t to, just that it will be marked as an unauthorised absence. If the attending graduation is so important to you then it shouldn’t matter. No one will ever ask for their school attendance record.

So just tell the school they won’t be there and then go off and have a lovely day. Don’t give it any more thought than that. You’ve made a good decision now you just have to roll with it.

Interesting you say this as my sisters boyfriend is a teacher and said he is allowed time off to attend graduations!

University graduations are dull as anything - they’ve done your kid a favour by saying no!

Ok son, daughter, non binary, whatever. Ultimately it really doesn't matter if it is recorded as unauthorised. Like sickness absence at work is "unauthorised", it doesn't mean we don't accept it happens. As long as it's not a regular occurrence.

Many thanks to everyone for your perspectives, even the ones I don’t agree with, it’s been interesting to hear different thoughts. I am genuinely surprised so many people don’t value university graduation in the same way my family does, but what constitutes an 'exceptional circumstance' will clearly mean something different to every family.

I think this is quite odd, there werent many siblings there when i graduated. I didnt attend my siblings graduations and I dont know anyone who attended one for a sibling.

I think very typical to go to your own childs graduation, just not really a siblings.

Because it’s not that deep? I work in school attendance. If my child has an unauthorised absence, she misses out on the end of school reward trip. So, no it’s not stupid, it’s strategic and most normal parents do it all the time. Like I said, it’s not that deep.

How odd, my sisters didn't go to my graduation, and I didn't go to theirs, obviously the parents did, it was a day for us , and my uni friends. Siblings would have been a distraction.

My children were granted permission to attend their dad’s wedding (one day only) but that was 12 years ago and it was abit more reasonable then. Also 2 years later their grandmothers funeral.

My DD graduated last year. It was all pomp and ceremony but I loved it. Didn’t find it boring at all. Of course I was proud too.

Congratulations to your DD. Enjoy her graduation x

I found my own graduation pretty dull, I can't imagine a 13 year old enjoyjng one.

I am not sure I agree it is exceptional enough for them to authorise it tho totally understand why you will attends as a family anyway

When youngest dd graduated, myself, dh, dds dad, older sister and DDs bf all attended but only me and dds dad went in to ceremony the others watched outside on a screen. But also got to be on photos and we all went for lunch after.

I voted YABU because schools have a limited set of circumstances that will mean an absence is authorised. A sibling's graduation isn't one of them. Your younger child can still take the day off and attend, it just will be an unauthorised absence. No big deal.