For not going on my friends partner’s surprise birthday party on Halloween while im also celebrating my bday on Halloween’s eve

[melindarra]

Both me and her partner have birthday just 3 days apart from halloween he has on oktober and i have on novemeber. To say it out, i always host my bday parties on halloween or same week halloween is because the pubs and nightclubs always throws fun halloween events and i LOVE halloween most friends know i make my birthday parties every weekend halloween is’ close to as my birthday party. I haven’t made any pre party event at my house yet but all me and my partner’s group friend knows about my upcoming halloween birthday party because they all besides from this friend and her partner came to my boyfriends birthday party this september.

And my friend is throwing him a suprise birthday party and told me in message to keep that day off, i cant totally blame her bcs she didnt know yet by my upcoming birthday party on 31 october aswell.. it seems as she consider me and my boyfriend to be closer friends with him than we really are in reality.. we barely see them after they had their kiddo of 2 years, and im her friend. so i feel like we have fallen out a bit of the friendship, after i told her that i also was making my birthday party on October 31 she got kinda mad because she tought i was just saying it right now as it wasn’t planned in my head 4 months ago.. i did tell her sorry bout it but she didn’t responded, but i wasn’t gonna cancel my own bday party for her partners suprise party either, since i wanna have my people to celebrate with me..

english not my first language so plz be nice :)

Wow-my birthday is actually on Halloween- maybe I should be making more of a fuss instead of traipsing around after the kids in the rain!

What a load of unnecessary drama. You don't share a mutual friend group so the parties aren't asking people to choose one. So essentially friend has invited you to a party that you can't make because it's your own party that evening 🤷

It's a non-issue really, as your friend groups don't overlap.

This one friend is making it an issue because she wants you to go to her party. She didn't know it was your birthday too, or that you always have a Hallowe'en themed party, so seems to have concluded that you decided to do this AFTER being invited to hers.

She's crazy. Yes, do invite them to your after-party, but don't keep on trying to explain the conflict to her. Ask her what gift her partner would like. Chill 🎃

If you have different friendship groups, I assume that you will be inviting different people to your party and the only reason that your friend is cross is because you won't be coming to her partner's party. I don't think that it's a big deal and I'm not sure why you are getting such a pile-on from posters.

Well, since you don’t think you’re being unreasonable, why are you here?

You don’t own Halloween. How old are you to have a party every year? You could have your party on the 3rd which is also a Saturday, (it could be a bonfire party, s’mores, sparklers etc) or don’t have a party this year. No big deal.

Your post title doesn't match your OP which is why people are confused.

I'm not sure why you didn't invite them to your birthday party as soon as you booked it, given you have already told other friends?

Ultimately it sounds like this is going to be the end of your friendship.

Sometimes events clash and you have to make a choice. I voted YABU simply for making such a fuss about a birthday party.

Absolutely fine to be this self centred if you are 6. If you are 32 then this is embarrassing.

Because she's planned her own party on that date? Did you not read the OP?

Is this your 10th birthday party?

There is nothing wrong with you and your friend's partner having your birthday celebrations on the same day. Clashing dates don't mean that something has to be canceled unless you really, really want to go to both.

Your friend is probably a bit pissed off because it's the first she's heard about you hosting your birthday on that day, so from her perspective it looks like you've just made it up to trump her party for her boyfriend, or you didn't intend to invite her.

I don't think there's anything you can do about that except hope she comes round and accepts that you've been planning it for ages and, in any cae, always celebrate on Halloween.

Well there you are then. Have your party on 31/10. Friend has their party on 31/10. Jobs a goodun

So you were with a group of friends for your partner’s birthday & basically said ‘The Saturday nearest my birthday is Halloween. Everyone come to mine first & then we’ll all go clubbing!’ Friends thought this was a great idea & put it in their diaries.

Now absent friend has invited you to partner’s party on the same night and you can’t go. She’s annoyed because either:

You made up your party on the spot because you didn’t want to go to hers.
or
You arranged a party & didn’t invite her.

She may also be finding that she’s left it a bit late & other people also have plans already. YANBU but maybe you didn’t communicate the situation to her very well.

I would just say you couldn't as yours is planned on the same day but you hope he has a great birthday. You cannot be two places at once. Explain it's nothing malicious you just wish to celebrate your birthday on that day too.

i find it fascinating that such importance is placed on adult birthdays. I don’t know anyone in my family or friendship group who has a party every year to celebrate their birthday. A big birthday with a 0 on the end yes. But every other birthday celebrated with a party which is planned months in advance is a new one in me. It sounds like primary school days all over again.

However, if that’s your thing I hope you find an amicable solution ands enjoy it. 🎂 🍰 🎈 🎃

Have I missed where she actually invited anyone, booked or ordered anything?

Because the OP states her party is Halloween eve ie 30th.
Other party is 31st.

Hence the confusion, as initially it looked like both parties could be attended.

Further clarification is that both parties are on the 31st - whick makes a difference.

saying “but I love Halloween” as a adult is weird. Have your birthday celebration on another day.

You dont share the same friendship group you said so no problem.
You throw your party with your friends (minus her) and she'll throw her partner a party with their friends (minus you)

Its not a big deal.

But your birthday is November 2nd or 3rd by sound of I so October 31st isn't your birthday, just the preferred day you've had your party in the past?

Are you in your teens OP? You sound like you are.

You sound about 12

Surely your friend knows you always celebrate your birthday on Halloween and given Halloween is a Saturday she could have been 99% sure of your plans without you setting up the event yet.

If it was the same friendship group and he had a milestone birthday so his 30th and your 29th then i would change things for him. But as he has his own seperate friendship group I dont see the problem.

Is she inviting all of her friends ie everyone attending your birthday? If so i can see why she is disappointed but def not your problem to solve just unfortunate timing.

Yes! She had a party four months ago and invited everyone then. Annoyed friend was invited to the earlier party but couldn't go, so she missed the invite.

OP hadn't realised that, since this is a relatively new friend, she didn't know OP always celebrates Hallowe'en. OP probably should've invited her separately but, even though it slipped her mind, the friend's being pretty weird about it.