To book a solo weekend away without my partner?

[ijustwanttiread]

My partner is absolutely enraged by the idea I might go away without him. We don’t live together and finances are totally separate.

My mum is a planner and likes to know what we would like for Christmas early. I have always wanted to go to London to the biggest bookshops in Europe. Sad, I know, but I love books. I can’t justify a splurge on them though, so I’ve asked her for vouchers. She still gives pretty decent gifts. My plan is to go for a weekend (£100 hotel and £70 train fare)

My partner is enraged. He thinks I should a) ask for money for both of us to take a holiday together and b) go away with him only.

AIBU to do it anyway?

You misspelled partner when you meant jailer!!

Enjoy your weekend of books and coffee, switch your phone off and lose yourself. If he complains I'd give hime one warning, that if he ever tries to control your free time again he'll find himself single!

That sounds like a him problem not a you problem.

That’s like telling a die hard football fan, ‘you don’t need to go and watch the match at the stadium you can just sit at home and watch it for free and get a few beers in’

You don't even live together 😱 the absolute audacity already.
Run don't walk.

Why are people telling the OP she won't get a hotel for her budget/she can buy books online/she must have bookshops nearby?
She's done research and made a plan for her own reasons. Why can't people respect that rather than assuming they know better? It's so arrogant.

Your boyfriend should, by definition, want you to be happy.

Your plans would make you happy. He is reducing your happiness, rather than enhancing it.

He's a twat. Get rid. Just wait until one day you get invited on a girls only holiday....

We’ve been together since school, going on 12 years now. It’s quite intimidating to imagine a life without him but to be honest this episode has really changed my view on him. We don’t go on holiday unless I pay for it, so we don’t really go - because I don’t want to double what i’m paying for a holiday!

It sounds like he doesn't care about your feelings or happiness, he just wants his own way no matter what. You have enabled that by paying for the hols every time, but now something has changed within you, OP. Maybe it's time to woman up and reconsider this relationship.

So he insists you holiday together and makes you pay for him?
Why?

Actually there can’t be a good answer to the why. Because there’s no good reason he could give that excused that.

Being a couple doesn’t mean doing everything together.

Omg what a controlling prick. Don't ever live with him. Put him in the bin!

Why are you bankrolling him?

This surely isn't the first instance in 12 years that he's displayed possessive/controlling behaviour? Why isn't he able to save up and pay for a holiday? Lots of travel agents do cheap deals, especially in off peak times!

What a waste of your life.

Eugh Op he sounds awful. Go and enjoy yourself. And from a fellow book lover do your next solo trip to Hay on Wye xx

My boyfriend is going away next week for 4 days cycling.
It’s not a big deal. I’ll be busy/ at work. He didn’t invite me as he cycles a lot quicker than I do so it wouldn’t be fun for either of us.
So I don’t see why you can’t go away on your own/ looking at books or whatever you want to do. It wouldn’t be a relaxing browse with someone else there.
If he wants the 2 of you to go away that’s lovely but you can save up and go 5050. It’s not for your mum to pay for it!

As a book lover, do it!
Married 32 years and I love being with my husband but do enjoy a fair amount of time on my own.

Enraged?

I'm off on holiday in December for a week on my husband. As my husband is an adult and not a toddler, he's told me to enjoy myself.

If you've been together 12 years and don't live together then what is the point of this relationship? I'd break up and be single, find what you like as an individual. He isn't going to improve so sack him off.

Why do you find the idea of breaking up with him intimidating?

That makes you very vulnerable to being treated like shit....

So you're still quite young. You have your whole life ahead of you to explore without restriction. Please go and enjoy yourself fully.

Like lots of pps, your trip is my idea of heaven! Maybe you could send us virtual postcards on here 😄

YABU. You should go to Wigtown! It’s a whole lovely little village full of bookshops.

Read up on the sunken costs fallacy and close the book on this man.

100 a night is perfectly achievable in London as well as other major cities, even for 4-5 star hotels... Especially in January and also if it's a Sunday night.

Oh my goodness, this is a definite ltb situation.

So according to him, you have to miss out on travel just because he chooses not to spend money on holidays.

He only goes on holiday when you pay??

Sod that!!

For context, I am in a 7 year relationship. We went long haul together this year and paid our own way. I am going to Europe with a family member later on the year. Also this year, I have been on a girl's weekend trip without him and I have had 4 other holidays/weekends away without him, between 2-17 nights long. I have more trips later this year. He is welcome on most of them, but doesn't come because he doesn't have the annual leave, has pets and probably couldn't afford that many holidays. He has just been on a long haul trip without me to do with something I am not interested in. He wasn't going to go but I encouraged him to chase his dream!

In the past I have been to an Asian country with just my married female friend, because her husband has less annual leave and money. They still went abroad several times together that year.

This is how people in trusting and supportive relationships are!! They are pleased for each other to have experiences that they love, and add to their quality of life, even if it doesn't include them. This is how normal relationships should be.

I would leave him. He is weird and controlling.

That sounds like my sort of trip - one I have done a version of a fair few times!

My partner has his trips away, I have mine, sometimes they overlap with interests or friends - or they don't. I cannot imagine him reacting like this.

You have been given good advice here anyway!