To book a solo weekend away without my partner?

[ijustwanttiread]

My partner is absolutely enraged by the idea I might go away without him. We don’t live together and finances are totally separate.

My mum is a planner and likes to know what we would like for Christmas early. I have always wanted to go to London to the biggest bookshops in Europe. Sad, I know, but I love books. I can’t justify a splurge on them though, so I’ve asked her for vouchers. She still gives pretty decent gifts. My plan is to go for a weekend (£100 hotel and £70 train fare)

My partner is enraged. He thinks I should a) ask for money for both of us to take a holiday together and b) go away with him only.

AIBU to do it anyway?

He's "enraged" because you won't share all your spare time and disposable income with him. Oh dear. It's good that you have separate homes and finances because it will be easier to dump him.

Have you been to Hay on Wye? If not do consider it for one of your book-heaven trips. you might meet a nice literary gent who suits you better

He needs to save up and take YOU away for a weekend, not tag along like a piece of used gum on your shoe.

Just go alone.

If he really doesn't like it then he needs to fund and put some of his own plans into action rather than take over yours.

That is a him problem, in no way a you problem! Go, have fun, dump the sack of flour weighing you down x

Bloody hell. Like many on here I’m married and I’ve been on lots of long and short trips away on my own, with my husbands blessing, including one three week one that he funded completely.

Where else in your life is he controlling? I bet it’s not just limited to travelling without him?

I’ve got two primary school kids. Regularly by my wife a break from us. He is an absolute bell end . Please give yourself the best xmas present and ditch the dick head

"We don’t live together and finances are totally separate."
In my eyes that makes him less of a partner and more of a boyfriend. How long have you been a couple, whereby he feels entitled to dictate your choices?

"My partner is enraged. He thinks I should a) ask for money for both of us to take a holiday together and b) go away with him only."
He wishes to dictate what present your mother is allowed to give to you? That her present must be to both of you and not just to her daughter? Fuck off! And to go away with him only? Like some sort of possession without agency to meet their own wants and needs? Again - fuck off!

"His argument is he can’t afford to travel as much as he would like, so I should only go with him"
To rephrase, he wishes to restrict your choices to only those he can make.

This man is telling you who he is - believe him. He is a selfish and wannabe controlling prick. Use this knowledge wisely. Never let him have any say in your life choices. To be honest, his being enraged should be a dumping trigger. He seriously is not worth a long-term relationship.

And as an aside - I think a day in a massive bookshop is a great solo trip to make. For future ideas, can I suggest Barter Books in Alnwick (https://www.barterbooks.co.uk) "One of the Largest Second Hand Bookstores in Britain". It is truly massive, I feel I covered only half of it in the afternoon I spent there. Also, Hay-on-Wye (https://www.hay-on-wye.co.uk/tourism/bookshops) which has 25ish bookshops in a compact little town. It is the only time ever that I felt I was 'bookshopp'ed out' IYSWIM. Many of the stores are genre-specific, I spent hours in Bookshop 451 which was sci-fi, trawling unknowns and old favourites alike. It also has a lovely small market on Saturdays, it's a brilliant place to go. (I love second-hand bookshops because they stock books that are now out-of-print and I'll likely never see on a shelf again which justifies me buying all sorts of books. Enjoy!)

All the blood pressure being raised by the OP reassures me that this probably isn’t real.

Most threads aren’t, these days … 🤷‍♀️

Enjoy your bookshops OP and dump the loser. I love books and sadly have no decent bookshops anywhere. My highlight of Oxford years ago was blackwells. If there’s bookshops and museums I don’t need anything else.

I would be ending a relationship like this.

The only thing that would be unreasonable is if you don't dump this arsehole!

@WhereYouLeftIt
Thanks for mentioning Barter Books, I was going to do the same!
A definite happy place for bibliophiles!

If you dump him now he cannot ruin your dream and January will soon come round.

Wtf is wrong with him? He sounds jealous and petty and NO GOOD.

We are married, live together and go away separately sometimes. We sometimes like to do different things- I hate cars, he hates art.

Ignore the big baby.

I love nothing more than finding a bookshop wherever I go, failing that a trawl of the bookshelves in charity shops. Barter Books had come so highly recommended I had to go. In fact, I think I'm somewhat overdue for a return trip!

Actually I've just remembered a few more, so @ijustwanttiread here are a couple more recommendations for future book forays -

https://astleybookfarm.com in Bedworth. Might need a car for that one, it is a few miles out of Bedworth, being as it's a farm and all, but does have a lovely cafe and about 100,000 books.

https://www.toppingbooks.co.uk in Ely. Not secondhand books but what a wide selection! Several floors of fabulous books. Nice cafes nearby.

Have you dumped his arse yet?

Your partner need to fuck off. Your plan sounds AMAZING.

Please go and have a fabulous trip, a fabulous life, and dump him.

This one was easy

Christ - using your partner's Christmas present as a way of cadging money for a holiday and then getting angry when it doesn't work. What a controlling, no-good deadbeat. Not only should you go to London without him, you should do everything without him.

And +1 for Barter Books in Alnwick.

Is that Waterstones Piccadilly? It’s great. As is Daunt in Marylebone. Well worth a trip.

OP, agree with others, of course it is fine to go without him, especially as this is a bit niche (very much my niche. I have been known to go to Waterstone's in Gower St for about 4h and sit with my basket, call my book loving cousins to dissect my purchasing options and start again).

More importantly, the itinerary. Lot's of great suggestions.

• Waterstones, Piccadilly - as the biggest in Europe a no brainer (though i don't love this one)
• Foyles on Charing Cross Road (Charing Cross Rd also still has a few lovely second hand shops)
• Daunt in Marylebone
• I would add Waterstones Gower Street too as it is lovely and then you are in Bloomsbury for the second shops - SKOOB and Judd books amongst others.
• Two places I enjoy for books that are slightly different, The British Library shop, and the National Theatre bookshop (added bonus of the second hand stalls just outside)

Go go go! By the sounds of it you nor he would even enjoy it if he was there: browsing books for hours.

it’s a solo thing

Oh and don’t forget to visit the Book Barge - it’s cute

How is that a logical argument? If he wants to travel more he either needs to spend less on other things or earn more. I fail to see what bearing your trips have on it!

Throw him back, he's rotten - he doesn't love you or value your happiness.

So in other words he wants you to pay for him whenever you go away anywhere? So you get to take him on holiday all the time?

What a pillock. Any man whose response to you saying you are going on a solo trip is anything but 'bye, love, have a nice time!' needs binning.

Yuck. He sounds like an entitled brat. It’s perfectly reasonable for people to take their own holidays / weekends away, either solo or with other friends.

Waterstones Piccadilly Fifth Floor has a great little coffee/cocktail area with a decent view. Nice to sit and enjoy your purchases.

And Waterstones host a few author interviews in-house so worth checking their calendar to see if anything is on.

British Library is definitely worth a visit and you can mooch around St Pancras & Coals Drop Yard etc.

A few niche bookshops scattered around British Museum also.

lovely trip to do by yourself, at your own pace.