To book a solo weekend away without my partner?

[ijustwanttiread]

My partner is absolutely enraged by the idea I might go away without him. We don’t live together and finances are totally separate.

My mum is a planner and likes to know what we would like for Christmas early. I have always wanted to go to London to the biggest bookshops in Europe. Sad, I know, but I love books. I can’t justify a splurge on them though, so I’ve asked her for vouchers. She still gives pretty decent gifts. My plan is to go for a weekend (£100 hotel and £70 train fare)

My partner is enraged. He thinks I should a) ask for money for both of us to take a holiday together and b) go away with him only.

AIBU to do it anyway?

Dump the twat, enjoy the books

Enraged is he? I hope that's the last conversation you have with him. And spending hours in a book store sounds like sheer bliss by the way.

Yes I want to go and get totally lost. Not just order things online and wait for a parcel.

Jesus christ. If I go away and ask my husband he always says "Nope you go on your own Larry. Im good." Usually to see my family but still. 🤣🚩 Major red flags here!

Well, I’d be dumping him for a start.

I’m married to Dh. We have children together. I don’t technically work apart from a little bit for the family business, so all my money is technically his money, if you want to get technical.

I take a least one solo trip every year. I’ve been to Spain 3 times without him in the past year alone. I’m off to a weekend in London next month. Apart from checking with each other about if the other is free to have the kids, no one dictates where and when we travel.

Yep this.
You have a kid with this guy "You can't leave the house without taking the child with you and you have to make the house spotless first." Dump him!

Would he want a holiday where you go and get lost in a bookshop? Or would he expect to spend max 30 minutes there and the rest of the2 days doing things he wants?

Unreasonable to go away on your own for a weekend? No

Unreasonable to budget only £100 for a hotel in London? Definitely yes

Your partner is cheap and controlling. He wants to limit your life to spending what you have on him because he's a low earner. It's one thing to support someone financially through a rough patch and a very different thing to partner with someone who thinks your finances should be spent on him only.

Throw this dusty back.

What have we come to when a man thinks a woman needs his permission to visit a bookshop?

If this thread is real - please think hard about what you’ve related here, @ijustwanttiread.

Thankfully the relationship you describe isn’t really a ‘partnership’. He’s just a boyfriend. Ideally an ex-boyfriend.

For Heaven’s sake-don’t tell him that!

Zedwell pods! It’s in mid January so not a season of high demand and cheap at the best of times!

You don't live together (keep it that way), and you have separate finances (always do that), so what business of his is it what you spend your money on?!

Also, the cheek of him saying you should ask your mum for money for the two of you to go away - is he actually joking? He surely can't be serious.
Unless you've been together for many years, you all exchange gifts for Christmas and birthdays, and he's 'one of the family'.

It's still a huge red flag that he is "enraged" by you going away on your own FOR ONE NIGHT!!

I don't usually say LTB, but in this case I'll make an exception...

LTB.

Everything you have pointed out about the relationship is correct.

He has already "kicked off" though. There is only worse to follow if @ijustwanttiread stays with him.

@ijustwanttiread That bookshop tour sounds wonderful. I hope you go and enjoy it fully 🌞

More red flags than a Labour Party Conference! This is one t throw back.

You will love the book shops in London. I have spent a lot of time and money in them.

I once spent 6 hours in a book shop in Paris but they did have a cafe and a loo.

I never swear usually on here but he can get to fuck! Honestly go on your trip he doesn't get to decide how you spend your money and leisure time. One of my Dds had a boyfriend like this even made her cut her summer job short we had no idea he was like this anyway go to London have a great time.

Sounds like you need to dump him so you have the freedom to go away by yourself whenever you like. May I suggest also visiting Waterstones in Bradford, due to the spectacular building it's in:

WATERSTONES BRADFORD - All You SHOULD Know Before You Go (w/ 2026 Reviews)

The city centre is a lot nicer than it used to be and you can make a weekend of it by also visiting Howarth for all things Bronte and Saltaire, which also has a lovely huge bookshop in Salts Mill.

Is he 12? In the bin with him.

Why do you have to ask us? As a bookish person I would assume that you have enough intelligence to know that it is YOU who is bonkers here I'm afraid.

So decide if you want to live a life of slavery to his demands, not be independent of thought or action, and plan for that.

Unless.....

Enraged? May I suggest a book for you to read?

Lundy Bancroft Why Does He Do That

I think you'll find him in there. Anyone that was sane and loving wouldn't have a problem with their partner going to a book shop without them. There is no way this is the only problematic behaviour he has. Take care of yourself OP,

That sounds like a lovely time and a very kind gift from your mum OP. I can't imagine being anything but stoked for my partner if they were getting to do this. What a weirdo.

Er, why wouldn't you?
I've been married for decades and we often have separate, solo holidays and weekends to match our personal interests (we also holiday together).
Even in a couple, you are still an independent person, OP, and you absolutely don't need your partner's permission. Book your trip, and tell him to f*ck off!

Where do you live? There are some spectacular 2nd hand bookshops all over the country, like vast and beautiful and full of character. Most Waterstones are much of a muchness so you could go to your nearest one and save the money for books.

As regards the trip, he's bonkers and unreasonable. Get rid.

Your partner is a weirdo. Enjoy your solo weekend.

Well tell him you have 1k to spend. Hopefully he'll end the relationship and save you the bother.

I mean how dare you spend your own money on yourself!
When he seems well up for managing it for you
.