AIBU to think my colleague is not too old for motherhood?

[PithyPoet]

Work colleague and friend is having a much wanted first child, of course she’s got comments she’s too old I genuinely don’t feel she is just wondering what others thought

My brother had his first child at 46. He died leaving a 13 and 10 year old. Sometimes it doesn't work out well. The older the parent, the higher the risk.

Yes we have lots of friends who had their first in their early 40s and they are now finding it hard being menopausal and having a 4 or 5 year old. Most of them though didn’t have much choice over when they had DC, their either have a very long fertility journey or just didn’t meet the right person until later.

I’ll be parenting teenagers/young adults by then and I’m not sure that’s going to be much easier on the hormones 😂

It's pushing.it !!
She may well have a baby but there are alot more risks involved in having a healthy baby and pregnancy at this age !
I was in peri menopause at 44

Well I was and it was fine. I was happy to pick up my kids from late night parties. I went to their University open days. I talked to them about relationships and drugs. I took them to their football games. I listened to their tears and gave them advice when they needed it. I still take them to the tip if they need to or help them strip wallpaper or give them lifts home. I have always tried to keep myself fit and interested in the world so I can still be there for my kids.

My mum had me at 30 and she did none of those things. She wasn’t interested in helping out with my children or even spending much time with them.

Point being you can be a fantastic parent and grandparent even if you’re a bit older. And you can be rubbish as a young parent if you’re selfish and self absorbed. Will I be around for my great grandchildren, extremely unlikely. But have I given my children a platform of strong self esteem and confidence? Absolutely yes. I would’ve been a worse parent at a younger age personally, so I’m glad I waited.

Obviously there’s a cut off point and I think it’s really around the point when you could biologically still have children (except for extreme outliers), so around mid forties. I’m not keen on people having donor pregnancies in their fifties or men having kids in their 60s and beyond. But there’s a reason why women can still have children in their 40s because they’re capable of raising them.

Think there are laws against this sort of thing.

I had my first grandchild by 42! One of my most treasured photos is a photo of my 1st DC, myself, my Mum and my Nan - 4 generations together, and all having had children in our early 20s. We replicated that at Christmas with my granddaughters, daughter, Mum and me - still 4 generations all supporting one another.

I take my hat off to anyone having kids in their 40s. Sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture for good reason and coping with ongoing childhood illnesses until their immune systems develop is tough going.

YABVU to even think about it - none of your business.

She's definitely not too old. I'm 40 and pregnant with our third, I feel like I'm a perfectly normal age!

It's a bit late to comment if she's shortly to give birth. Best of luck to her.

So people are going upto her and tellig her to get an abortion. Yikes.

I think health is more important than age. Age is a factor towards health, but not the only one. I have an 8 year age gap between my kids, with the youngest a toddler now I'm in my early 40's. The pregnancy is one thing, but I think the biggest difference for me now is running around after a toddler 8 years older. And I'm reasonably fit and healthy (just not quite as much as I used to be and would like to be!)

So not too old at all, but would definitely recommend trying to look after herself as well as possible, and when able exercise and stay as healthy as she can for the busier toddler years.

That is something to treasure and is lovely for you. And I do mean that genuinely. But it’s just not an option for many people, even if they wanted it.

Hopefully you realise how incredibly fortunate you and your family are to have all met someone you wanted to have a baby with, at a young age, all managed to conceive a healthy child when you wanted to, and all still be alive to enjoy the family you’ve created. Some people only get a short window of that time or never at all.

And being financially solvent enough to have a baby, in early 20's, is also unusual.

Absolutely. I became a mum in my mid 40s. I am 54 and currently have a 9 and 10 year old. In their village primary, around a third of the children had mums a similar age to me. To my surprise, I wasn’t the oldest (by three months).

There are advantages and disadvantages - swings and roundabouts - but I can say with honesty I am a more patient, available, fitter, financially secure parent now than I’d have been in my 20s or 30s (I’ve always been a late starter!).

I had my first at 32 (having number 3 at 40) she's 8 and in year 4 at our village primary, I'm the youngest mum in the class by a couple of years.....

I think it varies hugely depending on where you live but early 40's is perfectly normal here.

I think it is too old. Still doing that damn school run in your 50s, dealing with secondary school and teens in your 60s. Shudder.

We had managed the same well just squished in the 5th generation when I had my oldest child. She was dead by the time I had my second a couple of years later.

Baby, me, my mum, my gran, my grans mum.

Dh’s side were all older parents so it was just baby, him and his dad although his mother’s dad was still alive. Still a nice photo but not quite the same.

This 100%. My Mum was 42 when she had me. She spoke to me like I was an adult from a baby and I had a great childhood.

Speaking from experience conceiving at 42 is worrying because you are in a higher risk group for sure. But once you get past first months its not any different, and in fact you might get better medical care because of being a 'geriatric mum'. Beyond that, she's probably wealthier and more mature now and thats good. Keeping healthy to run around after the kid shouldn't be any issue at 42 either! I revamped my life around that goal and it has been brilliant.

I’m 39 and just had my first. I’m financially stable and the fittest and healthiest I’ve been in my life.
As for people saying that grandparents can’t help older parents with childcare, well my parents can’t help and it’s nothing to do with age and health. They’re incompetent and I wouldn’t trust them looking after a goldfish.