AIBU to think my colleague is not too old for motherhood?

[PithyPoet]

Work colleague and friend is having a much wanted first child, of course she’s got comments she’s too old I genuinely don’t feel she is just wondering what others thought

This forum isn't real life where people often have to keep their true thoughts to themselves. Here people can say exactly what they really think. Of course if it's grossly offensive then the comment is likely to be deleted.

But saying a woman is too old to have a first baby at 42 is hardly in that category.

Just because a woman is commenting about another woman why should she need to be supportive of any woman's choices. I certainly don't agree with the life choices of half the population just because I happen to be the same sex as them.

There are numerous stupid, naive, unwise, women on this forum with whom I have absolutely nothing in common and who I would probably dislike very much in real life. There's no requirement to be either nice to or supportive of any poster on a forum if you don't want to be and I think that's quite right.

When did 41 become old these days lol....half of my kids were born 40,41,42 and got friends x 2 at 44 expecting right now

I would personally think it's too old. If someone asked beforehand, however I would not say anything once pregnant. How rude some people are.

I say this as someone who is 56. Can't imagine having a 14 year old. I suppose I would not choose to start at 42. I hope she is able to outsource stuff at home, reduce her work hours, if she wishes and has a supportive partner.

It's really simple. If she has been able to get pregnant and maintain the pregnancy naturally, she is not too old to have a baby. It's a non-issue. If her body was no longer fertile she wouldn't have got this far. She'll be fine.

I had my ds at 45, raised him to 18 without the slightest issue and have just seen him off to university.

Women have been having babies in their forties since humans existed. It is entirely normal. My dm had two in her forties, So did my paternal dgm. Two sisters have had children in their 40s. I have never understood the fuss some posters on MN make about it.

Add another one.

Working full time throughout my 20s and 30s meant my early pension contributions (the ones that count) are as high as possible. No "motherhood penalty". It means ds has moved to uni this week and I have retired. I'm 63.

Going part time or being a sahm during your 20s and 30s can severely reduce your pension pot.

And I say this who is 55 and has a 14yo. It's completely normal. I'm 55 not 80, I am perfectly capable of working FT etc and a 14 yo is not a lot of work, it's not like when they are little. If you are struggling with the idea of looking after a teenager then maybe you need to look at your own health rather than assuming an average person in their 50s would struggle with washing smelly socks and talking to teenagers.

I am 42 and it feels way to old for me.
I had my children in my 20's so the idea of a baby at this age is not appealing.
Your colleague is pregnant with a (I assume) much wanted baby so I wouldn't be rude enough to express my opinions in real life, I would secretly feel she is on the older side for first time motherhood.

I bet those same people wouldn't bat an eyelid if a 42 year old male colleague announced he was to become a father. No doubt all the woman's medical records list her as a geriatric mother too, which can be hard for the woman to hear.

If the woman still has healthy eggs then she's not too old to be a mother. I think the older you get though, some can find it harder when they reach their teen years, due to the age disparity and different outlooks. If the child then waits until 30s/40s to have kids, then much smaller chance of you seeing grandchildren (or being able to cope with them if you're still alive).

There are always comments on these threads from people who had children young and wouldn't want to do it all again. But how would you feel if you hadn't had any children in your 20s but had always wanted them?

You don't have to secretly feel anything. She is on the older side for first time motherhood. But that doesn't make her too old. Lots of women have babies in their early 40s with no issues at all. People's lives work out differently and that's ok.

Not too old at all. I had children in my 20s and 30s so too old FOR ME but not too old. I’ve known loads of women have babies in their 40s. What matters is being a good parent.

it is not her colleague's business

are they making comments to her face?

As long as she’s not expecting much input from grandparents and she’s happy with the increased chances of having a child with additional needs, then no, she’s not “too old”.

Is it other work colleagues saying that she is too old?! How bloody hurtful and rude for anyone to dare comment!

I would never express my views to someone who was excited over an older pregnancy, but the replies saying if she can still reproduce that means shes not too old? Really? Would the same apply to men? 70 year old men still fathering children is wrong, and just because nature allows it doesnt mean its right. I work in care settings with adults with autism/severe learning disabilities and the vast majority were born to parents who had them later in life. I agree every child is a gift but when some of these children grow up needing 3 to 1 care and a very low quality of life, the risks are not worth it in my opinion.

Personally, I don't think it's too old. It also depends on the individual. However, I'm the same age with 2 children and I definitely wouldn't want to do the baby years again.

I will be 50 next birthday and have a 3 yo. I would be very upset if my work colleagues were discussing whether I was too old to have a child.

How rude of you all!

Had my last one at 43. Not really an issue. certainly would not take kindly if anyone said I was too old to my face.

She managed to get pregnant. The pregnancy exists and is proceeding. It doesn't matter what other people think about it, or anything else. Not approving of it will not make someone else's pregnancy magically disappear. If the child has problems/ she is exhausted its for her to deal with and no one else. I had my children at 27 and 28 so 42 is hugely older. However I was a single parent by the time they were 3 and 2 and the judgement of that situation by 'friends', my own mother and complete strangers was often very cruel. As the quote goes "Opinions are like arseholes. Everyone has one and its better to keep it to yourself".

I was nearly 44 when I gave birth to mini blondes

She took 10 years of TTC and five private ivf

Yes, it would’ve been nice to have given birth at 33 but mother nature had other plans

Maybe the same for her

It doesn’t matter her age it’s the fact that this baby is wanted and will be loved

Having children at 42 really isn’t very unusual around here.

At the school we use there’s a few parents with children in reception - year 2 who are in their 50s.

Well it says she is having. Not thinking of having and asking for opinion. So no. She’s clearly not too old. And nobody else’s business.

Yay! Another goady thread inviting judgement about how a woman chooses to live their life that doesn’t affect anyone but their own immediate family.

What you could do to help is report your colleagues for bullying.

Not necessarily she will only be in her late 60’s/early 70’s if her child has her grandchild in their 20’s . It’s not like back in the day when women in their 60’s were deemed old