AIBU - Friend inviting adult children to meet-ups.

[beanseggsbacon]

NC

Not sure if AIBU so posting here for opinions.

We are a group of 8 friends. We have been friends for 30+ years. We meet every 3 months or so.

We all have children who are now aged between 16-25.

One of the group has now started inviting/bringing her three adult children.

We have a WhatsApp group with the 8 of us in it.

One of us will message the group to arrange the next meet up and this one friend will reply that they can come and so can her children.

I don’t want to meet up with her children, so I have declined the last meet up and just said I’m busy but to carry on without me.

I just think it completely changes the dynamic of the group and I don’t really want to share personal stuff that may be going on in my life that I would otherwise share with the group for their opinions etc

Two of the group also feel the same as me, but I don’t know about the others.

We haven’t been asked if it’s ok, we have just been told they are coming.

They also aren’t particularly nice to be around.

The time before last, I did go, but it was basically a monologue of them, their achievements and how amazing they are. No one else really got a word in.

AIBU?

Is this what normally happens in groups, when the children become adults? We never really all met up with the children as children.

I have a fairly dysfunctional family so don’t know if this is standard.

Opinions appreciated.

Thanks

I would just meet up with the other 6.

Sounds like main character syndrome to me - she can't understand why others may not be delighted that her children are there. I worked with someone like this - she just couldn't see other people's point of view. As her line manager, we had many discussions where I tried to get her to do so, but to no avail.

I'd hate to be in your position OP. What the point of a meet up that isnt enjoyable? Focus on the people you do want to see - your group of 4, and maybe you could invite one or two of the others and meet them individually. Perhaps some have interests you share and you could invite just these to an event? Change the dynamic! No one person has the right to dictate your social life!

I have a very longstanding friend group where we do sometimes involve our husbands but basically only when one of us hosts at our own house (maybe once a year). Our children used to attend these when they were young but haven't as adults, though the hosts' children might still be involved if they live at home - but they don't dominate.

It's not a truth universally acknowledged.

It definitely is.