Unbalanced Inheritance Division

[Stilson]

I'll keep it brief, my parents both died some time ago, and I can't get over this.

The estate was split with 20% going to me and 80% to my sister. She gets £160k I get £40k.

Both about the same age, both been a part of the family equally, she is wealthier than me by a large margin.

I want to cut all ties as she refuses to balance out the amounts, even a 60:40 split.

We're it the other way round I would be uncomfortable with the settlements and would rectify it, she won't.

AIBU?

Agreed. Depends if the sister values the money more than a relationship with her sister I guess. The ball is in her court to fix this. I'd be very hurt too in your shoes 😔

There must be a reason. Maybe you don't know what it is but they didn't wake up one morning and (both of them?) decided to leave things so unequally, for no reason. Did they have mirror will that both left this unequal split? Or are you only talking about the most recently deceased parent?

They've left your sister in a really difficult position. Maybe she knows the reason (or not) and does want to respect their wishes.

It seems odd that your answer is to cut her off? Is that something that's been coming for a while?

It’s …….‘intents and purposes’……

That's awful. What happened?

I'm guessing they didn't get the kidney.

Cutting all ties is being dramatic. You are hurt right now. Step back from the relationship. You don’t have to destroy it, just give it space.

And the sister can rectify the situation if she wanted to.

She could but she may also be feeling an obligation to honour the parents' wishes.

Or this could all be nonsense because we must be talking about one parent's will.

Unless there are genuine reasons like addiction or illness, parents that do this are effectively saying a massive fuck you to the children recieving less. It's a horrible,nasty thing to do to leave those left dealing with the fall out 😡

Not really... she can share the money but she can't change the fact that it's not what the parents wanted.

It must be very painful but sister is following parents' wishes. Whether or not she knows their reasons it will be a big decision for her to go against that. Plus the pain is in their decision, DSis sharing isn't going to change that.

Your parents were cruel to do that.

I can’t under the logic behind it. They would have know it could cause conflict.

she could've lent them money, paid of debt etc. unfortunately you'll never know. Fine to cut her off though as it is incredibly hurtful and even moreso with no opportunity to find out why.

But that's why so many of us are saying that there probably is a genuine reason. If the OP has gone through her whole life NOT feeling unequally treated by her parents, there must be a reason why they made this choice now. She either knows this, but hasn't put it in her posts, or she genuinely doesn't know, in which caase she needs to talk to whoever helped draft the will.

I think you are being unreasonable to expect your sibling to disregard the will. It was legal and whether you understand the split or think it fair is irrelevant. If you have a good relationship with your sibling it's less unreasonable to hope that she might be generous, assuming she feels her inheritance puts her in a position where she can afford to be.

You are not being unreasonable to decide that what seems to you to be a selfish refusal to mitigate an unfair will makes it impossible for you to remain on good terms or any terms. I'd probably aim for minimal contact, rather than no contact, simply because feelings and positions can change over the years - there's little difference in practice.

My sibling whispered in the ear of a parent and got a huge amount of money. He cleverly had plotted his way by making himself lead POA.
So there is grief, and hurt and estrangement. A last insult from those departed.

It's the pits.

Ah yes the old " It's what they wanted" line.

You're coming across very nasty here. Are you the sister? 🤦🙄

She broke off contact because he sibling didn't give her money...

Were you or your sister aware of the inheritance split prior to your parent’s demise? Or were you both expecting an equal division.

Unless they had mirror wills, then this isn't 'parents' it is 'one parent'. The one who passed away second.

Beautifully expressed.

unless it’s happened to you or someone close I think it’s hard to understand the impact of all of those feeling combined.

She doesnt have to. Their parents made their wishes clear. Its hurtful. I totally understand @Stilson being hurt that her parents did this and feeling like she wasn't as loved or cared for. Her parents final act was very hurtful and divisive but it was their money to do with as they wished.

The same can be said for OP.

Wills don’t have to be fair. They’ve distributed their money in the way they saw fit to do so. OP isn’t being denied anything that is rightfully hers.

No it can’t.

DSIS prioritised money over her. OP sees her priorities and values and recalibrates her boundaries accordingly. Absolutely fair.