Unbalanced Inheritance Division

[Stilson]

I'll keep it brief, my parents both died some time ago, and I can't get over this.

The estate was split with 20% going to me and 80% to my sister. She gets £160k I get £40k.

Both about the same age, both been a part of the family equally, she is wealthier than me by a large margin.

I want to cut all ties as she refuses to balance out the amounts, even a 60:40 split.

We're it the other way round I would be uncomfortable with the settlements and would rectify it, she won't.

AIBU?

I’m very sorry @Stilson given your clarification that’s really tough. And while it wasn’t your sister’s decision, she could have made it right by splitting the money with you equally. I don’t blame you if you go NC as it will be very hard to get over it, especially if she’s so much better off even before the inheritance.

edited for typo

This happened to a family member of mine. The siblings split it equally. One wanted to stick to the will, the other wanted to split it equally but they both did in the end.

It's easier to say you'll do the "right thing" when you don't have to make the decision.

If it had been the other way round you may have thought "she is wealthier than me by a large margin so I will keep the split".

I don't think this sorts of decisions happen in isolation. Your parents must have some reason for why they did what they did, I doubt very much that the decision was completely random.

I'm sorry but there is something...

Perhaps you genuinely don't know what it is. Maybe your sister does...

But no one does this randomly, usually it is because they perceive some form of unfairness or injustice of wrongdoing.

My dad was a little... unhinged? Would say about cutting people out wills etc as a threat. We siblings agreed beforehand whatever happened with the will, we would split equally, even the one who nobody had seen for over 20 years. I like to think we would've kept that promise (but I suspect not with 2 of my siblings) but as it turned out we didn't need to.

I am aware though that money makes some people greedy and tossers. Your sister is being a bit of a tosser but bottom line is you have no right to the money. Sorry OP, I understand very much that it hurts.

There is obviously more to their decision but unfortunately you don’t know it so can’t make a call as to whether their reasoning would change the fact that you are upset. Nothing you can do but let it go, your sister doesn’t have to balance anything if she doesn’t want to (and in the nicest possibly way it’s easy to say “I would” when you don’t have to make that decision). Up to you whether or not you choose to keep a relationship with your sister or not.

An awful decision. And it IS the sister's fault as she could easily arrange a deed of variation. When my father died he had cut out both my brothers due to a fall out. We 3 sisters organised a deed of variation that everything was split 5 ways. The sister is being very cruel & I would find it hard to get past.

So you have no idea why your parents did it? Or you know but don't think it's relevant?

It seems very unfair if there are no special circumstances to consider e.g. disability/ long term chronic illness.

Is there a suspicion that your sister coerced your parents?

You don’t need anybody’s permission to cut contact. It won’t change the inheritance but it might mean that you’re not regularly reminded of the hurt caused.

It's this. Your parents won't have made a random choice as to how to do the split. There will be some reasoning behind it. Unfortunatly, you may never know what. Your sister may know. She may think there's a very good reason not to tell you. Or she may not know. She may need the money, and again, she might not want to tell you that. But it's going to be up to you to decide if that's enough reason to cut contact with her.

There has to be some reason your parents have chosen to do such an unequal split OP. You just haven't found it yet.

My parents offered me a bigger slice than my siblings as I’ve done all the care. I just said don’t be ridiculous. They said they might do it regardless I pointed out I would just even it out so there was no point wasting legal fees on someone that could be so easily undone.

A friend this happened to the majority went to her brother, he simply evened it up himself. Really depends on the person.

I say keeps the money she loses her sister.

Sister may just be the golden child.

It’s not your sister’s fault though is it?

My parents have always favoured my sister so I could see something like this happening to me but it’s not something I can control so I don’t worry about it.

She may well be, but ime there's usually a reason why parents favour 1 child over another (eg personality clashes, addiction etc).
Not that I'm saying these reasons are the case here obviously.

Wow, you parents are shit! So sorry. What fuckers.

This doesn’t make sense to me. Surely if people do it, it’s because they think one person is more deserving of it. Nothing to do with injustice or wrongdoing.

Did you financially benefit in some not obvious way when they were alive? Perhaps during childhood? Could they have felt that they were able to spend more money on you than her and so are redressing the balance in their minds?
You may not be able to answer this or never know.

If so why not just say that then ?

So you want your sister to give you money or you will cut her Off?
Nice

Depends if you were bad to your parent or not. In their eyes, not yours.

Similar thing happened in my family, think a gender inequality. First of all, understand that there is nothing you can say or do in this situation that will change the outcome.

I went nc with my sibling. It was pretty mutual actually. I won't know when he dies. Nice one, mum and dad.

You must know better than us why your Mum chose to do this.Difficult to comment on the fairness unless any possible reason is known.

Golden child scenario very often starts in childhood before addiction or personality issues really apply.

Sister may have been an easier child or prettier or better at ballet or whatever.

Golden child is often quite random from an external pov.

She may not have been aware until the will.