He was very touchy-feely on date BUT I didn't object and kissed him back.

[NickyC1975]

I was on a 1st date with a very attractive, confident, cheeky man (we're both 50s) and he was very touchy with his moves eg. stroking my knees/legs, holding my hands, kissing my shoulder and lips and even my chest a couple times. I never kissed on a 1st date before but I let him do all this with very little complaint but part of me was just being polite as I did feel uncomfortable about it afterwards and so ended it next day. He sent a voice-clip apologizing and sounded very sincere, took full responsibility and understood and offered to sit on his hands if we meet again. He said he was unexpectantly overwhelmed at how attracted he was to me, esp my soft skin. I did enjoy kissing/hand holding etc but still I felt it was a lot.

I NEVER stopped him and in fact I touched him BACK and NEVER even flinched so it would be very easy for him to assume I was OK with it. But I did feel uncomfortable as I'm a slow-burn. He was a very nice guy though and said he respected my boundaries and would not go too far and was really looking forward to seeing me again and I was planning to see him again until I had a change of heart next day.

Am I being unreasonable for ending it and not just communicating better? He's not a mind reader but part of me feels he should have read my cues better even though I do realise it was confusing cos I never stopped him or even said NOI!

It is NEVER unreasonable to finish a relationship (such as it was!) for whatever reason. Or for no reason. You want to finish it, so finish it.

You owe him nothing.

You reciprocated his affections and admit you wanted to? You set a boundary to stop and he did. It sounds like you don't have chemistry. Don't overthink, just say you don't have chemistry and move on

Was the kissing on chest etc in public

Men (or women) for that matter aren’t mind readers so yes you need to actually communicate especially if someone does something you aren’t comfortable with.
BUT big, big red flags. No man should be constantly pawing you on a first date and this is absolute bollocks …… He said he was unexpectantly overwhelmed at how attracted he was to me, esp my soft skin.
And really worrying actually as it’s from the “it’s not my fault your so attractive I can’t control myself” playbook
BIN

No
He isn't for you so just end it

He was not a nice guy, he was a creepy lech and deep down you know it.

Way, way too much on a first date, op. Too full on, too much kissing - and kissing your shoulders and chest? Nah, I've got secondhand ick just thinking about it. There's something deeply creepy about him, and you were absolutely right to end it.

Yes, I forgot to add to my previous message that he sounds like a slimy creep.

He’s not a mind reader and you didn’t say no. I am 100% for women keeping boundaries and saying stop at any point. No means no. Your post says you didn’t do this and you reciprocated. So in the interest of fair and balance, he received your messages and you’re being unfair to question his behaviour “on reflection”.

Even if that is the case @LadyGAgain it doesn’t oblige OP to see him again.

Agree. And some people like to do everything on a first date. Completely legal, but obviously up to each individual. Yes, a lot like to wait until the third date to do anything, but if you reciprocated, he did nothing wrong. Next time, just tell the man clearly you don't want to do anything, and he should immediately back off (if not, leave).

No, we were in a bar but it was dead, no one there not even any staff. Everyone else was in the room next door and it was quiet there too.

If you were uncomfortable with it, you should have spoken up! Why did you not say something at the time?

The soft skin comment - Eurgh!

I don't really buy the "how could he possibly have known"-line of thinking. I think the right person would have either detected your discomfort or checked verbally rather than ploughed on with quite a bold assumption (of chest kissing in public on date 1 being ok).

I also think some posters here could do with reading about the "fawn response".

You didn't flinch.
You didn't stop him.
You touched him back.
What cues were you expecting him to read better?

Anyway, no of course YANBU to end it for whatever reason you want! He sounds way too full on and a bit sleazy.

But if you're going to keep dating people, please learn to speak up for yourself!

Where did you touch him?

Yanbu to end it but remember some people do sleep together on the first date and by doing all that with him those were the signals you were giving off. Like others say he isn’t a mind reader. It sounds like you’re a bit embarrassed and yes it was too full on for you. I don’t think a 50 something bloke who behaves like that in a bar is really one worth pursuing anyway!

His hands and I kissed him back.

Block him and move on.

I'm not sure. Maybe out of politeness? I did honestly plan to see him again and did like him and I do think if I was much clearer he would have pulled-back but it was just not something I'm used to I guess. I didn't kiss him with my tongue and he didn't try to force his either so there is that.

Mixed signals are very awkward. However you don’t need to see him again. Simply chalk up your experience & he sounds full on & way too sleazy.

Don't let yourself get carried away with the kissing.

You're in your 50s and you've never kissed on a first date. This is just odd. You let him think you were ok with it at the time then just ended it. Why didn't you just tell him you didn't want physical contact on the first date

'He said he was unexpectantly overwhelmed at how attracted he was to me, esp my soft skin.'

YUK !

and you say you are both in your 50's - really he sounds like a school boy.

but he is just a fully grown middle aged creep

I don't agree. You can snog the face off someone on a first date. It doesn't mean you are giving lets go to bed signals. Surely in 2026 a woman can kiss someone without being accused of wanting to jump into bed with them

Of course. But if I was snogging the face off a guy and he was all touchy feely and kissing my chest I think it’s logical to assume he’s sexually interested in me. There’s no question that boundaries should absolutely be respected but I would assume a man doing that wanted to sleep with me. Wouldn’t he assume the same?!