He was very touchy-feely on date BUT I didn't object and kissed him back.

[NickyC1975]

I was on a 1st date with a very attractive, confident, cheeky man (we're both 50s) and he was very touchy with his moves eg. stroking my knees/legs, holding my hands, kissing my shoulder and lips and even my chest a couple times. I never kissed on a 1st date before but I let him do all this with very little complaint but part of me was just being polite as I did feel uncomfortable about it afterwards and so ended it next day. He sent a voice-clip apologizing and sounded very sincere, took full responsibility and understood and offered to sit on his hands if we meet again. He said he was unexpectantly overwhelmed at how attracted he was to me, esp my soft skin. I did enjoy kissing/hand holding etc but still I felt it was a lot.

I NEVER stopped him and in fact I touched him BACK and NEVER even flinched so it would be very easy for him to assume I was OK with it. But I did feel uncomfortable as I'm a slow-burn. He was a very nice guy though and said he respected my boundaries and would not go too far and was really looking forward to seeing me again and I was planning to see him again until I had a change of heart next day.

Am I being unreasonable for ending it and not just communicating better? He's not a mind reader but part of me feels he should have read my cues better even though I do realise it was confusing cos I never stopped him or even said NOI!

Are you very inexperienced op? Im just surprised that in your fifties, you've not only never kissed on a first date but also had no idea how to bat off his advances or to reject his attempt to kiss you.

part of me feels he should have read my cues better even though I do realise it was confusing cos I never stopped him or even said NOI!

What cues were you giving him that he should have read better?

According to you touching and kissing which she responded to is slimy

Eh? I never said that?

I called him a slimy creep based on EVERYTHING OP said about him. What he said as much as anything else. More so, actually.

I got the chills reading it. It is exactly the wording of a predator.

This.

Sounds a creep

So if someone says a woman has soft skin they're a predator?

The fact he stated he couldnt help himself because she was so attractive is the biggest tell. If he couldnt help himself touching her in a random bar on the first night then I dare say he wouldn't be able to stop himself raping her either if they got hot and heavy with kissing somewhere private.

If someone defends their decision to spend their first date kissing and groping a complete stranger by saying he was 'unexpectedly attracted' to her and referencing her 'soft skin' then, yes, I'd say a creep and predator.

No. The fact he was all over her arms and chest kissing in a public bar on a first date saying her skin was so soft so he couldn’t help himself is a big indicator of a predator.
Has anyone made out to that extent (or got off with if you are my era 🙈) in a public bar on a first date?

He sounds like an absolute creep. You may not have objected, but someone who has their hands all over you on a first date when they don’t know you well enough to to how you feel about it just sounds like a complete lech. Just move on and learn from it. If some guy you barely know starts pawing you, say you don’t feel comfortable with it. If they continue, get up and leave. This guy is history, forget about him but learn from the experience.

A public bar that was apparently deserted with no one in it

He was trying it on as soon as he met you.
Im sure he will already looking elsewhere.

He's a slimeball who thinks he can charm his way into your affections. Not worth a second date.

To be fair these days that’s not hard to imagine depending on where you are - but still, unless you are into that kind of thing why risk a member of public or staff watching you getting it on that much?

He said he was unexpectantly overwhelmed at how attracted he was to me, esp my soft skin

Sounds like a total creep to me.

Probably loads of people to be fair. Kissing and even sex on a first date are hardly that unusual.

Sorry this was meant to quote the poster who asked who kisses someone in a bar on a first date.

But touching chests and that in a bar? Is that usual?

Never said that it did! Very weird comment.

I’m a bit disturbed that so many posters are advocating for the ‘you should’ve said no’ rather than ‘he should’ve asked permission first’ - what happened to consent? Aren’t we all teaching our kids that? Men shouldn’t be touching or putting their lips on anything without full permission first.

He's not a mind reader but part of me feels he should have read my cues better

He did read your cues, you said yourself you touched him and kissed him back, didn’t flinch and you enjoyed kissing him. I’m confused just reading it tbh. It’s ok to set some boundaries for if you were to meet him again but I don’t think you can say he should have read your cues better.