To cancel going to friends wedding

[Watdidusay]

We have a close friends wedding to attend in 6 weeks. It's been booked about 6 months in advance. We've prepaid for travel, hotels, childminding and bought traditional clothing for the event. I'm in the wedding party.

Just received an invite to my SILs wedding today (DHs sister) for the same date. In 6 weeks time.
Different part of the country.

Family are all saying we have to cancel the other wedding. We are going to be out hundreds of £.

AIBU to go to family wedding instead just to make my life easier? Everyone is angry at me for even considering not going to DHs sisters wedding. I feel terrible.

You go to your friends . Husband goes to his sisters. Job done

It’s PIL’s problem if they can’t get you to do what they want, not yours. Let them deal with it and don’t concern yourself with their problems. Concern yourself with yours, by not pulling out of being in someone’s wedding party at such short notice.

Your in laws are dicks.

As is SIL presuming no one has any plans 6 weeks ahead.

Go to your friend’s wedding.

Of course you go to your friend's wedding. Your husband shouldn't go to his sister's wedding either by rights.

Your PIL know your SIL is a pissy madam and her regular modus operandi is wrong, that's why they're being all angry at you. Tough shit, get angry at the right people. It's SIL and husband-to-be's fault, absolutely not yours. Tell them to get angry at them and leave you alone. If that's mostly permanently, so much the better. That family sounds exhausting.

Don't let your friend down, OP. Your SIL should have checked the date before she booked her wedding to make sure everyone she wanted to be there could make it. Six weeks is really short notice for a wedding invite.

Exactly. Dont bow down to this ridiculous tantrum! Or it will only ever get worse and worse … they are totally unreasonable and you don’t need their permission to do ANYTHING!! Stand up for yourself, wummin! They can all take a jump!

Any chance you’re signed up by in-laws to be nanny to her dc at the wedding?

I was confused by the voting. I’ve said you ANU - if you only give 6 weeks notice you have to expect that some can’t make it. Your friends wedding trumps hers because it was booked first and you’ve paid for it.

It would be generous of you both to divide and conquer however I would go to the friends wedding.

At this short notice, I would have checked with those I wanted at my wedding before setting the date so I would take it that SiL isn’t too bothered.

get angry at them for expecting you to ditch your friend/ assuming you + DH would drop everything at 6 weeks notice.

The PIL should be angry with their daughter for not having any common sense or manners. Checking that siblings are free for a wedding date whether it is 6 weeks or 6 years out is normal. The couple doesn’t have to check with every guest, but some guests are more important than others

I would send your husband to his sister’s wedding to avert a family fight, but you should still attend your friend’s wedding. Divide and conquer is not ideal, but it solves the worst of the problem.

You go to your friends wedding DH to his sisters
You made a commitment to your friend.

SIL should’ve thought about that and given more thought to checking availability and giving people lots of notice. Don’t pull out of special friends wedding. Say no to SIL - for obvious reasons!

Well then 'family' are manipulative controlling bullies. You are an adult I assume? With a family, a home, a job? Commitments and responsibilities? Why are you allowing these extended family members to boss you about?

You tell them 6 weeks is bloody ridiculous short notice, and you're not going, as you have another wedding to go to that has been planned for half a year.

How odd to only give 6 weeks notice to people for a wedding, especially family. Did they only book it yesterday or something?

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I would absolutely be going to my friends wedding. Especially as your in the wedding party! I mean who gives wedding invites out 6 weeks before?! People do have lives! SIL sounds entitled. I would say if I was on your situation your DH should go to his sisters wedding to keep the peace and you go to your friends. They can’t expect you to drop out that’s incredibly selfish.

Yep first post nails it. Why on earth is she only inviting her brother 6 weeks in advance? That’s a bit rude.

So? Let them be angry 🤷‍♀️ you're not responsible for their feelings. No way would I let my friend down at such short notice, especially if you are in the wedding party!

You go to your friend's wedding.
Your DH goes to his sister's wedding

Your SIL sounds like she is not bothered if you aren't there. Anyone who only gives 6 weeks notice for a wedding must know that some people won't be able to come.

Your DH needs to manage his parents.
'She only gave us 6 weeks notice. My wife is a bridesmaid at a good friend's wedding which has been in the diary for over a year. She will not be cancelling this event.'.,.....Rinse & repeat

Another vote for you going to your friends wedding and your husband going to his sister's. It would be unbelievably shitty of you to drop out of your friend's wedding IMO.

Sorry but who cares if you don't need your ILs expectations every single time... They're being completely unreasonable to expect you to drop your friend in this way.

Surely anyone who's planning a wedding with 6 weeks notice is a low maintenance kind of person?! Will SIL really be expecting many of her guests to be available with 6 weeks notice... Sounds like they're secretly hoping for low availability to keep things small/intimate/cheap!

Are they going to reimburse you the money you’ll lose from your friends wedding? Yeah I thought not!

Even if they did I’d still go to my friends wedding.

I hate this “family over everyone” mantra when it’s blindly applied. It doesn’t apply in every situation.

What does your husband say? Hope he isn’t letting your in-laws bully you.

Theres a phrase that goes something like “ we teach people how to treat us by what we allow..”Think about that Op!

It's insane your in-laws expect you to cancel your far better organised friend. Fuck SIL and her last minute wedding plans.

Yeah hell would freeze over before I chose my SIL over my friends. I don’t care how much of a stink his family gave out. She should have let you know further in advance. You have plans. The end

There is no question.

Carry on and go to your friends wedding.

You’ve planned it for ages, it was your first commitment and it sounds a lot more fun!

Go to your friends wedding. SIL should have checked!

As everyone else has said, you go to your friends and husband to his sisters, your in laws will get over it.