To cancel going to friends wedding

[Watdidusay]

We have a close friends wedding to attend in 6 weeks. It's been booked about 6 months in advance. We've prepaid for travel, hotels, childminding and bought traditional clothing for the event. I'm in the wedding party.

Just received an invite to my SILs wedding today (DHs sister) for the same date. In 6 weeks time.
Different part of the country.

Family are all saying we have to cancel the other wedding. We are going to be out hundreds of £.

AIBU to go to family wedding instead just to make my life easier? Everyone is angry at me for even considering not going to DHs sisters wedding. I feel terrible.

So what if the ILs are angry??

Definitely go to your friends' wedding!

You may find the in-laws are relieved, in the long run, when they realise the world doesn’t end if their daughter is upset.

Which wedding does you DH want to go to?

Friends wedding 💯 Absolutely no question in my mind. You are IN the wedding! You've planned and paid for things already.

Unless your SIL suddenly has 6 weeks to live, she and your PIL can go flipping fly! Let them be angry. PIL should be angry at SIL who has had 3 years to plan a wedding and evidently either forgot to tell everyone or just planned it last minute not caring of anyone could attend.

Your DH can choose which to attend. But 100% you should go to your friends wedding. What does your DH want to do? (Irrespective of grumpy family)

I cannot believe the vote is so split. (Currently 50/50) Some incredibly rude, batshit people about - like your in-laws!

I’d write to them

SIL has only given 6 weeks notice so she cannot really be that bothered about all guests being able to make it. We have made a big commitment to attend another event and have paid a lot of money to ensure we can go, and we’re looking forward to it. Seeing as DH isn’t in the wedding party we could possibly free him up to go to sisters wedding. But I am not available. The blame here lies with the last minute nature of SIL wedding, not with us or my friend for getting married and giving plenty of notice. I don’t want any further discussion on this now.

Go to your friend's wedding

Your SIL should have checked the date with everyone she wanted there before booking - especially at such short notice.

The compromise is having your DH go to his sister's wedding. Your PILs are being ridiculous.

I would definitely go to my friend's wedding and let my husband decide which he was going to. No need to feel guilty for already having an important commitment! Your PIL can be angry all they like, you haven't done anything wrong. Letting your friend down at this stage would be wrong though. And from the sound of your husband's family I can guess which wedding will be most fun...

Why on earth is your SIL giving such short notice for her wedding? Unless her or her partner are terminally ill I really don’t understand why people do this and the lengths they expect people to go to for their party wedding. A friend of mine gave me 3 months notice for her wedding, I was in the wedding party, had to drive down late the night before after work, the journey was stressful, was absolutely knackered on the day. She couldn’t understand why my husband couldn’t get the time off work to attend. I think some people are just in their own little world.

I'd go to the original wedding. 6 weeks notice is just not enough.

They're not your parents. Fuck 'em. You don't have to do as they say. You're an adult.

Ahh I think I know why the vote is split!

it’s a bit confusing - is YABU related to the title of cancelling on your friend, or is YABU agreeing with SIL? I’m not sure anymore 🤣

That’s on them. It’s not at all reasonable for them to be angry with you. They should be happy that you’re a decent person who is honouring your prior commitment. You should definitely go to the friend’s wedding.

When my kids were getting married they gave the planned date to us and to their siblings to check if there was any issue before they nailed it down. My dd moved her date forward one week as her brother had a wedding with his gf that first weekend. All fine as everyone was happy. That sil could have bounced the date off her brother and realised he had another wedding. What about if you had a holiday booked or a child was doing an exam . There are lots of reasons to check with close family first. She cannot just expect everyone to drop everything at a moments notice. You have to go to your friends wedding as you have a long term commitment to that.

I agree with everyone else that it would be very unfair to cancel just because your PIL are unreasonable. It is not only you who has paid for hotel, travel and so on, your friend is paying too - per person. You are in the wedding and made a commitment and I would honour that, otherwise you'd put your friend in a very difficult position. Anyone replacing you at such short notice would know they are second choice.

You’re not free that day plain and simple. SIL should have checked and you’d be probably struck off by your friend if you cancel for this. SIL ibvu

You go to your friends wedding - obvs. You are in the wedding party, etc, if you care about her as a friend you stick to that arrangement. Your DH goes to the other wedding. You put on your big girl pants, and you deal with the flack.

Easy. You go to the friends wedding dh to the sisters. We often had to do this in that crazy period when everyone we knew got married within 2 years. You’re not joined at the hip.

You go to your friend's wedding; you're in the wedding party.

Your DH can decide if he's going with you or to his sister's wedding.

Friends wedding 100%

Your PIL are unreasonable.

Go to friends. You said yes to them first and paid money

6w notice is nothing and sil must understand that people have plans

Also I would be raging with you if I were your friend and you folded like a paper towel on this because of your in-laws being cross with you.

It’s not a tough one. You have committed plans already for that day and unfortunately can’t make it. Not your fault they’re having a shotgun wedding . If you do this to your friend then be prepared to lose a friend.. I’m currently planning my own wedding and would never speak to a member of my bridal party for backing out like this.

Friends wedding, all day long.
The parents in law are unrealistic and idiotic to expect you to drop everything!! 🤦🏻‍♀️

PIL can go whistle.

Does your DH actually mind or is he just worried about the wider family’s reaction? Either way, the logical thing is you go to friend’s, DH go to SIL, everyone has to get over it. Doesn’t sound like SIL will be much loss if she does decide to cut you off.

You can be polite/apologetic, but stand firm and know they are being unreasonable on several levels.

Do not share your calendar with your in laws! You cant go, but your dh can. If he is free! Thats it!

Do not fold. Your in laws sound interfering and controlling. They need a shot across the bows. Make sure your dh is on your side and tells them to pipe down, or he wont go either.

What does sil and fiance say? After all, its their day!