To cancel going to friends wedding

[Watdidusay]

We have a close friends wedding to attend in 6 weeks. It's been booked about 6 months in advance. We've prepaid for travel, hotels, childminding and bought traditional clothing for the event. I'm in the wedding party.

Just received an invite to my SILs wedding today (DHs sister) for the same date. In 6 weeks time.
Different part of the country.

Family are all saying we have to cancel the other wedding. We are going to be out hundreds of £.

AIBU to go to family wedding instead just to make my life easier? Everyone is angry at me for even considering not going to DHs sisters wedding. I feel terrible.

Absolutely no explanation

Your friend's was booked 6 months ago and you've spent money and prepped for it

Did your SIL know this?
If so, easy answer, she can go whistle..go to your friend's wedding.

If SIL and family had no idea, it's a slight bit more difficult, but I'd still be inclined to honour the first invitation.

I think you go to the one you’ve planned for and paid for! Lots of warning and you’re in the wedding party.

they must be mad to think that theirs trump that?! Don’t ditch your friend.

what does your DH think?

Your sil is silly for sending invitations so last minute. I’d go to the friend’s wedding.

Is SIL pregnant?

Tough luck.

They’ll have to get over it.

Does she have form for this sort of shite? I bet she does. Personally I wouldn't pander to it and politely decline. What does your DH think you (and he) should do?

The family can be angry all they want, but honestly tough shit. If you do stupid things like give 6 weeks notice to immediate family for a wedding then don't be surprised they can't attend.

Attend your friends wedding and feel no guilt.

They had no idea we had a wedding on this date. But they also didn't ask. The only way they would know if we shared our personal calendars with them, which we haven't done. I don't know if that's a normal thing to do? I've never been asked.

You should definitely go to your friend's wedding but I think your husband should probably go to his sister's.

They already have children together, youngest is 4

No way would I pull out of a friend’s wedding with 6 weeks notice. The fact you’re wedding party, I don’t even know why you’d consider it. Your in-laws may be angry but they’ve really no right to be.

You cannot cancel when you’re in the wedding party!

They are entirely unreasonable. You are in the wedding party, FFS! Your fully committed on every way.
If they're annoyed that you won't be attending, tell them to imagine how angry they'd be if you'd committed to SIL, was her bridesmaid, and then dropped out at the last minute.

And honestly, I don't think I'd care that they were angry. Your DH goes to his sister's wedding, you go ahead with your plans.

If also be pushing for an explanation of the short notice. Because that's what's caused the problem.

We planned our wedding at quite short notice, but before confirming the date, we spoke to all the people we wanted to be there to ensure they were free.

His sister is a prick! Go to your friends wedding

They do as its family which trumps everything unconditionally yes. To be honest this is normal for SIL and parents in law go along with it as they are scared she'll cut them off entirely. It has been this way forever.

So let them be angry.
Go to your friends wedding.
Do not apologise.

Sorry but your loyalty should be to your friend..Will sil REALLY care if you don't show ??
I doubt it..

Is the short notice typical of how she works-if not, have you considered some other reason eg. Is your SIL or partner ill and they’ve only got a short timeline

You are in your friend's wedding party, of course you can't pull out. Your ILs are being ridiculous and I would be telling them that I made a commitment and am sticking to it, and if they don't like it then tough luck.

It's my parents in law who are angry

“No, sorry I’m not free on that date” on repeat

I don’t think it’s good form to cancel on your friend with this short notice unless death or sickness is the reason. If you are in the wedding party it sounds like you are close? Does your friend know about SIL’s invite?

So what if they’re angry. Let them. You honour the commitment you’ve made to your close friend.