To cancel going to friends wedding

[Watdidusay]

We have a close friends wedding to attend in 6 weeks. It's been booked about 6 months in advance. We've prepaid for travel, hotels, childminding and bought traditional clothing for the event. I'm in the wedding party.

Just received an invite to my SILs wedding today (DHs sister) for the same date. In 6 weeks time.
Different part of the country.

Family are all saying we have to cancel the other wedding. We are going to be out hundreds of £.

AIBU to go to family wedding instead just to make my life easier? Everyone is angry at me for even considering not going to DHs sisters wedding. I feel terrible.

Agree

Let them

You both go to your friends. Your in-laws are ignorant, rude and disrespectful. Who only gives 6 weeks notice these days. Their arrogance and sense of entitlement cannot be underestimated. You've spent a fortune, are in the wedding party and they expect you to cancel?

If they wanted you there, they should have checked the date.

In the long run, those people will never bring you joy. They won’t be there for you, no matter how much you try and avoid rocking the boat.

Pick your friend- unless she’s actually really wound you up already and the relationship is on its last straw! 🙈

I would definitely go to my friends’ wedding. Expecting you to cancel just because your SIL organised a last-minute wedding is completely unreasonable.

Friend’s wedding. No question.

Yeah let them be angry, they are the cause. Dont ditch your friend.

You go to your friends wedding obviously. Your H can make his own choices. PIL will get over it.

Go to your friend’s wedding and DH to his sisters if he needs to

Inlaws are all twats. #friendswedding

Go to your friends wedding. Your DH can go to his sister's if he feels he should. If in laws have a tantrum well they'll just have to get over it. It's shocking they think you should just pull out of a prior expensive engagement, especially as you actually want to go.

As you're in wedding party and had way more notice, friend trumps sil.

I actually asked my nearest family if they were free for our wedding date whilst organising and that was 9 months in advance. It's bold to plan a sudden wedding less than two months down the line and expect noone to have plans.

Family are being ridiculously arrogant... especially your sil & future bil. They must've realised some people wouldn't be available at such short notice. Is it them that's bothered 🤔 Or the elders? I fear there's an older mother type person reacting 🙄

You have to go to your friend's wedding. DH could go to his sister's if he wants. But giving 6 weeks notice for a wedding is ridiculous if you then expect everyone to prioritise it.

How about you try being angry back at dh's family - just tell them the stress sil's lack of planning has caused you and how terribly upset you are that your husband may bail on a wedding for a close friend he committed to months ago and you are not sure if you will ever get over it. See how they like them apples.

So PIL are angry because they want to pander to SIL so she doesn't cut them off 😂 what rubbish

It's your decision but I would take a stand and tell them I already have a commitment at date and can't move it.

DH can decide to go to his sisters wedding and you go to your friends wedding, if they want to be get angry that's the choice. I'm assuming you're an independent adult that isn't dependent on them to survive right?

Maybe it's time to use SILs play ook against them that if they get usot you cut them for 😂 kidding because I don't have time for silly game like that but I've learned that is better to set boundaries early on than give too many chances which gives people the entitlement to make ridiculous demands of you.

Definitely the one you've paid out for already.
Anyone being an arse with six weeks notice of a wedding can get stuffed.

Not a chance I'd ditch all my plans, that I'd booked and paid for months in advance, for SIL's wedding.

I would be angry that they have the cheek to be angry at you! Six weeks notice is ridiculous, it’s not reasonable to expect anyone to rearrange existing plans, especially when they involve letting other people down.

Please don’t let your friend down, it would not be the right thing to do and would damage your friendship. I would be fuming in your position.

This. You can't let your friend down. That would be completely unfair to her.

Friends wedding.

You stick to the first commitment. Especially if you’re in the bridal party, are you a bridesmaid?

That's their issue, OP. Your commitment is to your friend.

I’d go to the friend’s wedding. Not quite the same but my sil arranged a baby shower for my other sil and I’d already booked to go to an event with friends so I didn’t go to the baby shower. I felt bad but I’d already got tickets to the other thing.

Nah that's an easy one. 6 months notice v 6 weeks notice. 6 months wins.

you will absolutely lose the friendship if you ditch the wedding to go elsewhere.

are you a bridesmaid? you mention wedding party and traditional clothes.

what does DH think?

no it isn't a problem. You just say no.
Its incredibly rude to bin off an earlier acceptance for a later one. If you DH wants to go to his sister's wedding well I get that although he accepted the prior invitation too and six weeks notice for a wedding is incredibly short. I mean its your sil's wedding and its up to her to set the date and stuff but she and the family have to accept the old MN saw that its an invitation not a summons.

edit, just read all your posts. Seems to me the sooner you put your foot down over their entitled behaviour the better.