AIBU to feel hurt that my husband will not read my book?

[frustratedwriter]

So. I've always wanted to write a book but never knew what I could write about.

I'm fairly well established in my profession but publishing something in my field gives me the absolute willies with imposter syndrome.

Even my husband said to me frequently... "you should write a book"...

And then one day I had an experience that sent my brain off on a flight of fancy and blow me, I had the bones of a wild and weird story.

I've worked on this tirelessly between breaks while working, at weekends and early mornings for months and months and I now have about 120,000 words written and a "book" with a story which of course still needs lots of work.

I decided that I needed trusted people in my life to read it and tell me if it's shit or not. I wanted it tested.

So. I printed copies for my mum and sister, and sent opening chapters to my husband and bestie. Results as follows:

Bestie has never mentioned it again. She clearly thinks it's shit. A bit disappointing but maybe silence is easier than risking the friendship (to be clear, it wouldnt, I love her loads and would be ok if she said "no offence mate, not my thing")..

Mum. Got a notebook and pen out and went through it meticulously, spotted character drift, typos and the odd weird bit of the story where what was in my head had not made it onto paper in a way the reader could reasonably follow. She is an avid reader and was both critical and complementary. She said she loved it, it is unique, timely, and she thinks once I've made some rewrites I should try and court some agents.

Sister. Devoured it. Was just the biggest cheerleader and adored it for me. She gave very little pointers but was super enthusiastic for me. Love her for this. 💛 She wasn't critical, but frankly I could streak down the high street with tits flapping in the wind, and she would tell everyone with pride that I was hers.... so I take her enthusiasm with a pinch of salt.

Husband. He has had it for three weeks now. Even though it has been obvious I've been working on it for such a long time, and I explicitly told him I valued his opinion, he simply hasn't even opened it. So a week ago I told him how hurt I was, that he was the one who always said i could do it, and now that I have, he seems to be deliberately ignoring it. He apologised if I was hurt, said he has been super busy (he really hasn't), and admitted not even opening it. He promised he would read the chapter in the next few days. He never asked one question about it and hasn't mentioned it since the briefly apology if my feelings were hurt.

Since then, he has spent hours doom scrolling, watched shit fishing shows (8ncluding repeats), and read various news articles. Sometimes so lost in his phone i could hardly get a word out of him. So... I deleted the book off his emails. It was unread. He would have to ask me to send it again now if he wanted to look. (To be clear we have open access to each other's emails. No secrets and no sneaking, his emails are in my Outlook and I manage lots for him, so no snooping to worry about). He could have read the opening chapter in half an hour. I reckon if I asked him what the working title is, he wouldn't know.

So... at the end of this, am I being unreasonable to be gutted he has absolutely no interest? I feel rage bubbling up inside me everytime I look at him right now. Even if he read it and said he hated it... but he hasn't even opened it. Completely uninterested. Like... what a fucking team.

He's doing a qualification at the moment and I always help him with his essays. Final year is about to start and he can jog the fuck on if he thinks I'm lifting a finger for him now.

Maybe this book will just die a death as a little vanity project, but pfft.... wanker.

[Typos galore, written in rage... the actual book is much more careful]...

He should read it as it’s important to you. But friends/family are not the best people to read your book and make comments. You’ll want an editor to go over it impartially. Alternatively, some book groups on Facebook with allow you to swap books with other people and they’ll have a look over it

I've read DP's fiction book. I've helped him with notes of how he could re-write. It is ok but I'm not sure if it would sell as much as he hopes. However, he's my partner, I love him, I wanted to read it both to help him but also to share in his hobby (and I learned a lot about him and his thoughts in the process, including a character that is quite like me).

Aww OP it’s sad that he doesn’t want to read it. In the meantime though, focus on your dream of publication. Get yourself an editor and work with them on it - working with a professional will refine your work and give you confidence. From there try and get an agent. Sometimes editors have contacts/knowledge. There are lots of opportunities to self publish too but do try to go the traditional route. Good luck OP. Never mind your husband - work on that dream, girl! 💕

There's more than one way to look at this. You have sent out your first draft. Really, never do this. You need to seriously edit your writing before exposing it. I am often given self published books to read and want to throw them across the room after one chapter. I don't intend to be cruel, but writing is a craft and it needs to be worked at. However good your story is, it should be polished before you ask for anyone's opinion. Secondly, have you talked of nothing else for months until your P is sick of it? Thirdly, might he be jealous? Perhaps you're going to be a huge success and he doesn't know how to cope. Finally, go back to work, edit, edit, edit before submitting it to impartial readers for a true response as suggested above. Good luck.
Ps. I speak from experience: I let my DH read my 70,000 word PhD dissertation and he pointed out an omitted comma. That was all.

@frustratedwriter
I feel sad for you as I know how exciting it is to write a book and then not have anyone want to read it. I’ve nearly finished mine.
Mine has three parts and is a dual- POV psychological thriller. The first two parts are complete. I sent them to my cousin and a work colleague who likes reading. My cousin seemed to enjoy part one and I sent part two and didn’t hear anything back. My colleague sent a voice note saying she was blown away by the opening chapter and that she would read more when she had some time. I never heard anything back. It’s been months now and I guess the lack of feedback left me uninspired to complete the small part 3 element.

My husband isn’t a reader so I can’t ask him. He is dyslexic and has a processing disorder so I wouldn’t put him through what would be an unnecessary struggle for him that I know deep down he would not want, but I know he would try.

Anyway, I adore reading and if you want someone to read your script, I would happily.
Also happy to suggest amendments. I used to be a teacher whilst not an “editor” — I’ve spent a lot of time reading and marking work and making suggestions to course work etc.

I also understand the desire to want to keep your manuscript under lock and key, so of course I understand if not.

Best of luck with your writing adventures. I can’t wait to pick mine up again once life settles down somewhat.

Don’t let anyone on here or your husband’s reaction knock your confidence. You’ve done the hard work. Follow through. I think proper professional advice and help is what you need. This is a passion project and you should not give up at the first hurdle.
The published authors I know, got agents via writing competitions. There are some regional ones where you submit chapters and synopsis which you absolutely could do.
Follow newly published authors on social media and reach out to them. Good luck. It’s definitely worth pursuing this further. Your mum and your sister are your champions. Leave your husband out of it at this stage.

It’s hard when it’s someone you care about. I’m an English lecturer so I’ve been placed in this situation three times now. Once was a student and I agreed to critique it for them, it was pretty good but not spectacular and I was brutally honest about that. Getting published isn’t easy if you discount self publication and I wanted her to understand that.

Second time was a friend and the book was really truly terrible. So bad I don’t know if I could tell you the plot line now, or if it even had one. She decided to do a creative writing degree after publishing it and even though she’s never published anything else, she still lives off the “published author” line. I wasn’t sure how to tell her it was awful. It put me in an awkward position. I said it was ok but could do with a little refinement before publication. She didn’t speak to me for a while after.

Final was a few months ago for my stepdad. Again, I edited it as he requested and got it back to him quite quickly. I enjoyed it to be honest. I was honest like you said your mum has been about points where he was drifting, the plot was getting lost, he was repeating etc. He was really grateful.

Your friend might feel like I did with mine, a bit awkward about telling you she didn’t really rate it… Your husband is an unsupportive dick who should put some effort in to assist you!

EVERYBODY secretly thinks they can write a book. Everybody thinks that they have a fascinating story to tell. I don’t know a single person who thinks they couldn’t write a book. In reality, it’s a very very rare talent to write well and even rarer to successfully publish

Um, I really don’t think that’s true 😂

Blimey, that’s very odd. I don’t think I can write a book, well I could, but I’ve absolutely no desire to, and I’m sure it would be shite if I did. And other than thr 3 people I know who have done so, I genuinely don’t know any one with any desire to do so.

I think you are better off getting feedback from a stranger.

A family member sent me their draft. I couldn't bring myself to read it. It was all too awkward.

It's disappointing that he refuses to read your draft but don't be discouraged. There are many reasons why people don't read, often because doom scrolling has destroyed their attention span.

Also don't be too harsh on yourself if the draft has rough edges, even established authors depend on their editor to produce the finished article.

Of course he should give it ago!

I tried to read a book an internet/work friend wrote years ago. It wasn’t great and I felt really uncomfortable giving constructive feedback to him and this is a person I had never met in real life and by this time our work connection was over. So well done to your mum for giving such great feedback. Surely your DH could do the same as your sister even if practically this isn’t that helpful.

Yup! Over four million in the USA published every year. Another half a million in China. The UK has nearly 200K books a year. Plenty of people write and are published. I've published over a dozen (one trad, the rest self-published, which is more lucrative). It's easy.

No, I meant I don't think it's true that everyone thinks they can write a book.

Do one of those self publish ‘vanity’ books - they have loads on Amazon. Public reaction will soon show you how good they think your book is.

Well, I don't think so either, but being a novelist regularly comes up on Mn multiple times any time there's a 'What would your fantasy career be?' But the thing is, there's nothing whatsoever stopping you writing a novel -- it requires no specialist training, qualifications, education, equipment etc. Most of it (inventing characters, thinking through plots, imagining dialogue) can be done when you're commuting/cooking/in a dull meeting/exercising, so it's not even that you need vast amounts of 'pure' time dedicated to it. So if it's your secret lifelong dream, there's nothing stopping you.

Well, not really. 'Vanity' presses are when you pay a 'publisher' to produce a certain number of print copies of your book, usually for distribution to family and friends, though you might manage to get some into a local bookshop, too.

Self-publishing is free (though you might pay someone to produce a cover, proof-read etc) and while your book may sink without a trace, it can also be very lucrative once you get a following, especially if you're prolific.

There's an Irish-based American novelist called Jean Grainger who's made something like $10 million from self-published historical novels. I'd never heard of her until the Irish Times did a profile recently, but she's undeniably very successful.

You are being unreasonable.

It's a massive overwhelming ask of someone. What if he hates it? What if he is indifferent to it? How can he communicate his thoughts about it?

You are assuming a lack of interest (I take it you mean that, not disinterest - they are different.) You don't know that.

Three weeks isn't very long.

Also, does he know you printed out copies for your mum and sister, but not for him?

I know! But the numbers suggest it’s very widespread indeed. The ones published must be the tip of an iceberg.

Not really. 200k books a year is a drop in the ocean considering there are just over 55 million adults in this country and a good number of those books will be written by authors who have already had works published.

In other words, 0.003% of adults in the UK get to publish a book each year. Hardly widespread...

I really haven't found that. Yes, when I got my first publishing deal, a couple of people at parties gave the old, oh, I'd love to write a book if I only had time, bit. But other than that, I don't know anyone outside my writing community who expresses that, and I know for a fact that close friends and family don't think that.

And if they did, listening to me whinge about the process and the industry would put them right off 😂

Is he much of a reader though? Doomscrolling is something you can do when you're tired and don't need to concentrate too much. If he doesn't read a lot, maybe he hasn't had the energy rather than the time? If he does read for pleasure then yeah, I'd be devastated.

I’m on here a lot and never once seen that. I suspect it’s more the idea of being a novelist rather than folks actually want to write books

Well I don’t disagree with you about ‘being a novelist’ as some kind of fantasy involving sitting prettily in a shepherd’s hut and mass acclaim rather than the grind of actually writing, but it does invariably come up multiple times on fantasy career threads.