AIBU to feel hurt that my husband will not read my book?

[frustratedwriter]

So. I've always wanted to write a book but never knew what I could write about.

I'm fairly well established in my profession but publishing something in my field gives me the absolute willies with imposter syndrome.

Even my husband said to me frequently... "you should write a book"...

And then one day I had an experience that sent my brain off on a flight of fancy and blow me, I had the bones of a wild and weird story.

I've worked on this tirelessly between breaks while working, at weekends and early mornings for months and months and I now have about 120,000 words written and a "book" with a story which of course still needs lots of work.

I decided that I needed trusted people in my life to read it and tell me if it's shit or not. I wanted it tested.

So. I printed copies for my mum and sister, and sent opening chapters to my husband and bestie. Results as follows:

Bestie has never mentioned it again. She clearly thinks it's shit. A bit disappointing but maybe silence is easier than risking the friendship (to be clear, it wouldnt, I love her loads and would be ok if she said "no offence mate, not my thing")..

Mum. Got a notebook and pen out and went through it meticulously, spotted character drift, typos and the odd weird bit of the story where what was in my head had not made it onto paper in a way the reader could reasonably follow. She is an avid reader and was both critical and complementary. She said she loved it, it is unique, timely, and she thinks once I've made some rewrites I should try and court some agents.

Sister. Devoured it. Was just the biggest cheerleader and adored it for me. She gave very little pointers but was super enthusiastic for me. Love her for this. 💛 She wasn't critical, but frankly I could streak down the high street with tits flapping in the wind, and she would tell everyone with pride that I was hers.... so I take her enthusiasm with a pinch of salt.

Husband. He has had it for three weeks now. Even though it has been obvious I've been working on it for such a long time, and I explicitly told him I valued his opinion, he simply hasn't even opened it. So a week ago I told him how hurt I was, that he was the one who always said i could do it, and now that I have, he seems to be deliberately ignoring it. He apologised if I was hurt, said he has been super busy (he really hasn't), and admitted not even opening it. He promised he would read the chapter in the next few days. He never asked one question about it and hasn't mentioned it since the briefly apology if my feelings were hurt.

Since then, he has spent hours doom scrolling, watched shit fishing shows (8ncluding repeats), and read various news articles. Sometimes so lost in his phone i could hardly get a word out of him. So... I deleted the book off his emails. It was unread. He would have to ask me to send it again now if he wanted to look. (To be clear we have open access to each other's emails. No secrets and no sneaking, his emails are in my Outlook and I manage lots for him, so no snooping to worry about). He could have read the opening chapter in half an hour. I reckon if I asked him what the working title is, he wouldn't know.

So... at the end of this, am I being unreasonable to be gutted he has absolutely no interest? I feel rage bubbling up inside me everytime I look at him right now. Even if he read it and said he hated it... but he hasn't even opened it. Completely uninterested. Like... what a fucking team.

He's doing a qualification at the moment and I always help him with his essays. Final year is about to start and he can jog the fuck on if he thinks I'm lifting a finger for him now.

Maybe this book will just die a death as a little vanity project, but pfft.... wanker.

[Typos galore, written in rage... the actual book is much more careful]...

Is he a reader?
I ask because if someone gave me 120000 words to read it would kick off an enormous anxiety attack, in fact I’m getting anxious just thinking about it. Would sending him some highlights be possible? I have the attention span of a gnat and it takes little for me to feel completely overwhelmed so if he has even a slight a tendency towards ADD or maybe just generalized anxiety he may have just not been able to cope.
Bad form from him undoubtedly but I doubt very much it is reflective of his opinion of you (assuming no other problems in your marriage).

Reading and commenting on a full-length book draft is a lot of work; not everyone is suited to do it and not everyone wants to do it. The fact that you are a first-time author and that you have deep personal relationships with your intended reviewers each also add some complications. It's great that your mum and sister were willing and capable but I would also arrange some beta reviewers who read your genre but who you don't already have a personal relationship with. Your husband should have been honest with you up front (or as soon as he realised) that he couldn't or wouldn't take this on, and it's shitty that he knows you are upset and still isn't communicating. If he's normally caring and communicative, I'd try to approach him in a non-accusing way and find out what's going on. Apart from that, I would try not to hold it against him if he isn't equipped to take on this task - he can still be supportive of your work in other ways besides being an early reviewer.

I think you need to think more carefully about the reasons he hasn’t read it, rather than just going into a rage. Is he generally a supportive and uplifting partner? If he isn’t, then why are you with him anyway? Not reading a book is the least of your worries. If he is, then give him the benefit of the doubt at least.

You say he’s studying, including writing essays – that’s really fatiguing. I wouldn’t want to read someone’s 120k word first draft novel either.

Isn't his reaction and character a great idea for a new character in your second novel....with a villain 😚

My friend asked me to read her first draft. I warned her that romance is not my cup of tea but I would read it because she had written it. It was awful. Even for a romance shite book (yes, I'm a cynic) the characters were one dimensional and the plot so predictable. I lied to her telling her that I didn't like it but that it was because of the genre and that my unromantic heart couldn't stand it.

Same as Kossak. I am a published author and have never asked my DH to read drafts of my work. He reads the published version.

Don't take it to heart.

My husband isn’t a big reader but if I ask him to read a piece I’ve written, he does, and gives me feedback. I would be very hurt if he responded the way yours has. An outright refusal would be easier to accept (albeit still hurtful).

What genre is it OP? Maybe you could find a mumsnetter to beta-read it!

Stop helping with his essays! Sorry but as an academic, his essays are meant to be his own work, you shouldn't be helping him.

I would also be hurt he couldn't even manage a chapter. My DH and I have both written books, of course we read each other's work. If you've been clear he can be honest, that's very lame on his part.

You need to find an online critique group/ partner where you send a chapter/a thousand or so words at a time. There used to be tweets from writing organisations when people where looking for a critique partner. Maybe try X or Instagram or search your local writing organisation. There are even contests where an author/ agent gives feedback. Maybe your husband is jealous that you did what you said you were going to do.
Or just lazy

Same here. I knew a couple where the wife had written two successful books. They were fairly close friends of ours but the book was definitey chick lit (historical bodice ripper) so DH, who worked with the husband, that's how we knew them, got a bye from reading itI knew it would be absolutely not my thing so I had to dodge and duck a bit.
I don't know if its different but I am a very good internet friends with another writer whose work I found and enjoyed before I knew them. I am now one of their Beta readers and its doesn't feel awkward, just very priveleged.

Does he ever read books? You say he doom scrolls but that’s a totally different brain activity.

Really appreciate all the frank and honest feedback here. Much needed perspective.

I've actually been a reviewer a few times myself, on three occasions for texts related to my profession. Two were magnificent and it was an honour to be asked. One was shit and I recognise the challenge there!

I also once got asked to review a friend's script.... biggest lesson there was write about something you at least understand. He had written a script in a work setting... a comedy and for arguments sake set in the Finance team. He clearly knew fuck all about working in a finance ream.... again... the challenge was real in the feedback and he was miffed when I was honest.

In terms of the 120k words. Yes I'm aiming to cut about 30k in rewrites. I know it's too long and I can see where it drifts.

In terms of who got the lot to read only mum and sister. Sis was a poor choice because she loves everything I do. Mum is good because she won't let me fail so she holds no punches with feedback.

In terms of husband, he just got the first two chapters. But he is supportive in other ways. Im gutted he didn't take a squiz, nod an encouragement, but he obviously has something going on and hasn't been able to enunciate that.

I take all the above on board. Will join some groups, take some classes and get proper beta reviews. It may turn into nothing at all, but it's been fun to write and I should hold that close rather than lookong to family for validation.

Thank you again. You have all helped me give myself a slap of sanity.

Can’t see that my DH would ever read my work. I would be so anxious for feedback and he’d ago straight into avoidance, it would be a terrible idea.

Yeah, I think it’s a bit shit that he hasn’t read it.

There have been some posts here from published authors. However, yours isn’t the same situation. You’re not churning out books one after the other and expecting him to read them all.

This is your first attempt and you would, quite rightly, like to see some support and enthusiasm.

I’m just wondering why he hasn’t bothered. He may not want to put in the ‘effort’ of reading it and feeling like he has to give you a detailed critique. He might be afraid it’s not any good and doesn’t want to have to tell you. He might be worried that it IS good and will possibly be envious of your achievement. Otherwise, who knows.

Anyway, really well done and good luck!

Unless it’s high fantasy, 120k words is way too long. Most books are around 90k. Perhaps you need to work through the edits which have been suggested and then ask him to read the version which you think is the very best, not one which you know needs work.

He might be anxious and avoiding it? Hope you keep going though.

I would be really upset.

At the very least we should show support towards our loved ones.

Even if he isn’t a reader, he could still read a couple pages a day.

I'm so jealous I'm doing a creative writing MA and completely failing to do the actual sitting down and typing bit 😭

My husband doesn't read my stuff. You need to join a group or do a course, you all workshop each other and it is WAY more valuable than your spouse's opinion. I feel like my DH supports me in many ways, but this isn't where he'd be most useful 😉

I’ve had several stories published. My partner read the first one and merely quoted one line to prove he had. Don’t think he read any more of them. Similar with sister, so I think I’ve learned to get my feedback from people who don’t know me.

My DH has never read any of my books and I don't give a jot. He doesn't read women's fiction. It's not his thing. I won't ask him as I know he would not enjoy it.
It makes no difference to me. I don't need his opinion.

Yes it is a big effort if it's not something a partner is interested in.
I have many friends who are published writers. Their partners do not read their books. That's not to say their partners don't give them credit for writing a book.

OP has written a book.
Loads of people write books. She's not had it edited, she's not asked anyone outside of her family/friends to read it. MOST people who are serious about writing ask unknowns to read it- beta readers- and then spend another year doing edits.
I had 3 drafts before mine went out to agents.

DH is a musician (part time alongside main money earning career) and I don’t listen to all his new music. It’s too exposing. I don’t enjoy the feeling of being too close to it. This is your thing, not his. You do not need his approval or compliments for it to have value.

I love reading and be happy to read if you want to send me a copy and I will give you my honest opinion

but yes dh should read and support you

If my OH wrote a book and asked me to read it, I wouldn’t give a shit what it was about, I’d read it because he asked me to. You don’t seek your OH’s opinion, that’s fine, she has and it’s not asking a lot to expect him to giver her his opinion.

I've written and published multiple books.
My husband hasn't read any of them.
In the past, I would occasionally ask him to read something. His comments were of the "this phrasing is slightly awkward" type, not anything about the big idea, the structure, anything really useful, particularly when I was far from the close edits stage and had told him I really didn't want the nit-picking tiny edits at this stage.
I honestly don't care. One relationship doesn't have to meet every need.

And, actually, as I write and publish more, I ask fewer and fewer people to read. Too many cooks spoil the broth and, increasingly, I trust my own opinion. Now, my agent is often the first person to read a manuscript.