To think if your kid can't behave in restaurants you don't go

[hardshoulderr]

Unless you really need to eat.
so obviously lots of sympathy to kids who are Neurodiverse.
But went out to lunch this afternoon, quite an expensive place ordered the food and wine and a family sat down kids on iPads, no problem, the volume really low.
voices are starting to be raised, the parents shush ,then I look over and so don't worry it's no problem.

This then escalate from raised voices and slight frustration to the kid spitting across the table shouting and swearing. I literally can't focus on what my friend is saying because of the shouting and the swearing from kids who like primary School age next to me.

I work with kids - you know what I've loads of sympathy, but I don't spend my weekends wanting to have kids spitting next to me.
I go to the restaurant and calmly ask the wait staff if we could move around this corner out of vision of the Family.
By then, the dad has gone home with one, the mother and other kids stay to continue the meal.
I have kids who are not Neurodiverse, but even though were a pain in the arse when we went out to restaurants, therefore would avoid eating out , certainly not to place at lunchtime. It would be like pizza early doors.

Is this unreasonable?

Why don’t people give their kids earphones? My daughter has an iPad and isn’t allowed to use it without earphones in public like the train etc

I think children feed off what is expected sometimes. If a parent expects problems, that is what will happen. If they expect a child to be a handful, a handful they will be.

Parents who talk about how their children are or will be, in front of others need to realise their children have ears. And may duly behave as anticipated. Or as talked about to others.

If you expect no problems, you probably won’t get them. If you expect them to be able to eat without distractions from electronics then they will. Most. If you expect them to behave or to respond to what you say, eg. Sit down, eat nicely. They just might.

Just to add. A child who spits at a parent is a reflection all is definitely not well. With child, parent or both.

The screaming phase is short lived. It's entirely possible to avoid up market dining experiences for the duration. That's what we did. And our kids are generally very well behaved. There are times as a parent you simply cannot do something because of your kids and fine dining is one of those. It doesn't last long.

I don't disagree, and my whole family is autistic. We manage quite well, there have been occasions there's been overwhelm and upset but we leave. The kids can cope better for longer now they're teenagers.
Recently it's been dogs that I've noticed being more annoying. Really nice restaurant for date night, two dogs on with people on tables opposite sides of the room to each other, and they just barked at each every so often, in a really echo-y building. The owners just shushed them and carried on with their meal, but they carried on barking the whole time.

I take my kids to nice restaurants but they are well behaved, they are both ND but restaurants and table manners are one of their strong points. If they were acting up then I wouldn’t have gone or took them home. But no, we don’t avoid nice places because we have kids. though mine wouldn’t dare spitting and swearing across the table. It just wouldn’t happen, but then again we have always been super strict with table manner and meal times, using cutlery etc and now eating a meal is the one place I can guarantee they behave.

I agree, I can’t stand it when people act entitled that everywhere should accept their children acting like it’s a soft play. We have kids, we don’t allow it and it pisses me off that people can’t teach their kids to act appropriately in certain places. It’s so entitled.

You could be right based on your own experiences but I can only say as I found and it didn’t happen where I went.

JellyBunny98 We went to M and C at 6pm yesterday.2 lovely little girls .No loud noises or disturbance .One on her I pad ,Really well behaved !

I just do not understand why people cant teach their children to behave in restaurants. I appreciate some families don't give a shit if their kid is disrupting everyone but for everyone else its really not hard. And no, ipads are not required.

I've never had a problem with this, most of my friends have never had a problem with this. You start young and are clear about expectations from day 1. You distract them with card games and colouring if needed. Just parent your kids properly.

I hated taking DS out - he was awful in restaurants (pizza express type places) and was a very fussy with food toddler/young child. We only went out if we absolutely had to - on holiday or a day out.
Smartphones and tablets weren’t a thing then so we had to rely on good old sticker books/drawing etc.

We would take him out if he really kicked off though - only happened a couple of times.

Now recently I was at a family dinner and one of the children is quite obviously ND - he’s 6 or 7 so not a toddler - at this meal (20 of us), he was set up w his mum’s phone and a film while she was able to eat. Before we all sat down he was running around and doing a bit of shrieking (thankfully the restaurant was empty at that point). The parents are great so it’s nothing to do with upbringing in many cases.

I have experienced badly behaved children when eating out, but I have experienced equally ignorant loud adults in a restaurant as well. I actually walked out on one occasion before we had ordered drinks or food because the language was course and the woman kept coughing over us without her hand over her mouth! With examples like this it's no wonder the offspring behave like the parents.

I have one child (now 26 yrs old) and she does have additional needs, SEN, identified at primary school age. The only time she ever ran feral around a pub, was my fault. I gave her a fruit shoot and the sugar set her off. It didn't take long to rein her in and tell her to sit down as food had arrived. Never gave her a fruit shoot again lol ! No tech around then either. Just colouring and crayons/pencil to amuse her back then. I did always make sure if we went to a pub, to make sure it was child friendly. She was always well behaved.

I recently went to a Hungry Horse pub on a saturday night with my DD and her boyfriend. Boyfriend meeting grandma and step grandad for the first time. It was actually the adults in the restaurant area that were rowdy. Never again for sure.

If you're gonna meet up with friends OP, make sure its somewhere thats not child friendly at a quiet time. Maybe a bar area of a pub, where under 18's aren't allowed, where you can also eat.

I totally agree, my eldest is 5 and is neurodivergent and I have a highly energetic 3 year old. Neither of them are particularly great at sitting still even with distractions like colouring etc. I just accept that we aren’t in that season of life at the moment and we don’t really go out to eat at restaurants as a family. We do so many other fun things together and me & dh go out as a couple as well as with friends so I certainly don’t feel like we’re missing out. We can manage the odd trip to a fast food place & I usually take my youngest for a bite to eat at the garden centre once a week but that’s about it really at the moment. They are still getting important learning opportunities to develop their manners and table skills at these more low key times we do eat out. Hopefully it’s something we can revisit in a couple of years when they’ve calmed down a little. I certainly wouldn’t be giving them a noisy tablet to keep them quiet at a restaurant, tbh we’d rather just go out for a family picnic so it’s not a big deal at all.

From the age of 1.5/2y/o I started taking my DD out to cafes (as opposed to restaurants) for a treat and to learn how to act when out in public. We progressed to restaurants, then to B&B's (where, at first, other adults would shrink in dismay when a toddler hoved into view. But then would totally warm when the toddler sat & ate breakfast like a pro.).
Now that toddler is a mid-40s mum. Her DS is a mildly neuro-diverse. From baby-hood he's been included as a 'fully-paid-up-member" of ongoing life and, thus, exposed to expectations about how to behave in public.
Being toted along with adults has, sometimes, been a bit challenging - and that's when pre-planned exit-strategies have been important. But, to me, in the first place, it is about treating the child like a fully-paid-up member of the "Family Firm" from the very beginning.
Never underestimate the understanding of the (pre-verbal) infant. It's easier and safer to assume that your infant (from about 6mths on) understands most of what you say/mean.

What's the problem? If your meal is 'ruined' by 'tech' maybe just stay at home.

Im finding more and more that its adults who don't know how to behave in restaurants. Everybody seems to shout these days instead of just talking in a normal voice, even when people are sitting right next to them. There seems to be a distinct lack of basic manners

What about the others paying the full whack who are not affecting other people's enjoyment. Would u feel differently if your meal was being spoilt?

The parents or the children?
Parents need to control the children. If they can’t they shouldn’t spoil other diners enjoyment.

This just says it all.

I've read on these threads that some kids cant wear headphone cos of sensory issues but i assume they can wear hats....

Because plenty of parents do NOT bring headphones, surely you can infer that even if you’re one of the more considerate parents.

Because plenty of parents do NOT bring headphones, surely you can infer that even if you’re one of the more considerate parents.

Because plenty of parents do NOT bring headphones, surely you can infer that even if you’re one of the more considerate parents.

So, as you pay full price, you have no responsibility to ensure your children behave well? Restaurants are not for training children to have manners; they should be taught them at home. Paying 'full whack' dies not give you the right to let your children bother other customers.